Moving On
by Evil Willow
Summary: What would have happened if Xander found Buffy right after she sent Angel to hell in Becoming II?
1. Cry

Moving On  
Author: Evil Willow -lcaspell@yahoo.com  
Rating: PG-13  
Distribution: My site:   
www.crosswinds.net/~evilwillow/index.html Those of you who have my   
other fics, feel free to take this one too, no need to ask. Those of   
you who do not have my other fics, please ask and give me the URL to   
your site. The answer's always yes. ;-)  
Disclaimer: They're not mine, I'm just borrowing them for a while.   
Joss and the other stupids can have the characters back soon, even   
though they won't do the right thing with them.  
Category: Story/Romance/Angst  
Couples: Buffy/Xander eventually, mentions of Buffy/Angel and Cordelia/Xander. Minor Willow/Oz  
Spoilers: Major up to and including Becoming II. After that it's my world.  
Summary: What would have happened if Xander found Buffy right after she sent Angel to hell at the end of Becoming II?  
Author's Notes: Those of you who have grown to expect B/A from me, I'm sure you'll be surprised by this fic. No, I haven't lost my mind. Well, yes, I have, but that was LONG before I decided to write this fic. ;-)   
Author's Notes 2: Why on earth am I writing this? A friend told me  
she liked Buffy/Riley because they were normal. My response was ick,   
and a decision to prove to her that if Buffy and Angel can't be together, there's another, better, 'normal' man for Buffy.   
  
- Lyrics  
* * - Thoughts  
{ } - Memories  
_ _ - Emphasis  
  
*********************  
and you're standing here beside me  
in a picture in a frame  
and your voice could never fade it's so familiar  
things you said in my head  
every day  
  
you gave me so much  
and now it's of the earth  
and it makes me cry  
it makes me cry, it makes me cry  
and it can make me cry  
(Cry -- The Sundays)  
  
***********   
6 pm  
  
Buffy raised her sword over the kneeling Angelus, having knocked him   
to the ground. She stopped suddenly as he gasped and moaned in pain,   
his eyes glowing red momentarily. To her shock, he looked up at her,   
and then collapsed to the floor sobbing. *It's a trick* she thought,   
but her decisiveness wavered as he looked up at her again.   
  
"Buffy? What's going on?" he asked softly, looking at her with an   
expression of confusion. He got to his feet slowly, and said, "Where   
are we? I ... I don't remember."   
  
She lowered her sword slowly, searching his face, wanting to believe   
that somehow Angel had really come back to her. "Angel?" she said   
uncertainly.   
  
He saw the cut on her arm, and reached out to touch it, saying,   
"You're hurt!" She looked down absent-mindedly at her arm and then   
back into his face. She let him pull her into his arms, holding her closely.   
"Oh, Buffy...God. I feel like I haven't seen you in months."   
  
Her last bit of wariness dissolved and she let herself relax, realizing he was   
really back. *It worked, Willow saved him* she realized. She closed   
her eyes and sighed in relief.   
  
"Oh my God, everything's so muddled," he said. He sighed then and   
kissed her on the shoulder. "Oh, Buffy."   
  
She started to cry then, more in relief that the nightmare was over   
more than for any other reason. Then, she heard a rumble. *No.*  
  
She looked over his shoulder and watched in horror as Acathla's   
face moved. His eyes began to glow, and his mouth opened, releasing   
a vortex that Buffy realized was the portal to Hell. It was   
small at first, but began to grow at a frightening rate.  
  
*God, no, this can't be happening* Buffy thought in disbelief as she   
pulled away and looked at Angel. Her Angel, who she had thought was  
lost forever to the demon inside him. *Of all the horrible   
Hellmouth-like timing. NOW, Willow managed to do the curse?*   
  
She knew what she had to do, and in that moment she understood   
Whistler's words to her earlier that day.   
  
{"Maybe I should ask, what are you prepared to give up?"}  
  
She held back a sob when Angel asked, "What's happening?"   
  
She looked at him lovingly, and whispered, "Sshh...don't worry about   
it." She brushed her fingers over his lips, and across his cheek,   
realizing that this would be the last time she would ever see or  
touch Angel, if she didn't want the whole world sucked into Hell. Leaving  
her hand on his cheek, she kissed him gently. He returned the kiss,   
and it deepened. Sensing rather than seeing that the vortex had grown   
even wider, she knew she had to act before she lost her resolve. She   
pulled away and whispered, "I love you." She looked into his eyes,   
trying not to cry.  
  
He whispered back, "I love you." The love and trust in his eyes   
broke her heart. He believed that she would never hurt him,   
but she was about to have to prove him wrong. She touched his lips   
with her fingers, thinking, *Please forgive me* She said, "Close your   
eyes," nodding reassuringly. He obeyed, and she kissed him one last   
time.  
  
*Good-bye, My Angel.*  
  
She stepped back, raised her sword and thrust it into his chest. His   
eyes flew open, a mix of shock, pain and confusion on his face. A   
bright light emanated from the sword, and she stepped back. He  
reached out to her, and then looked down at the sword still inside   
him. She stepped back further, not wanting to take her eyes off the   
sword, not wanting to look into the face of the only man she had ever   
really loved but had been forced to kill.  
  
"Buffy?" he said questioningly, not understanding what was happening.   
That one word was enough to rip her heart in two. She saw the vortex   
meet the energy emanating from the sword, and suddenly, Angel was   
swept away into the vortex. After he disappeared, Acathla's mouth closed.   
  
Acathla went dormant again.   
  
But Angel was gone forever.  
  
Buffy stared at the stone demon, as these two facts hit her. Then,   
she fell to her knees, sobbing in unbearable grief, wishing that she   
were dead.   
  
  
&&&&&&&&&  
  
She cried until there were no tears left, and then she sat there,   
staring at the last place Angel had stood. Finally, she stood up,   
shakily, and walked out the door. She looked at her watch, it was   
close to dawn. She turned in the direction of her house, despite   
thinking *I should go to Giles, to tell him that the vortex has   
closed. We'll all live to see another day. Well, all of us except...*   
she realized that she hadn't shed all of her tears, and had to stop   
walking because of the blinding tears in her eyes. She leaned up against a   
nearby tree and let the tears come, giving into the sobs wracking her   
body.   
  
She eventually got a grip on herself and continued toward her house.   
She stopped outside, though, remembering her angry words with her mom   
earlier.   
  
{You walk out of this house, don't even _think_ about coming   
back!}  
  
*She didn't mean it. She has the right to freak-out occasionally* She   
still didn't move, though. *I can't face her. I look like I've been   
crying, she's going to want to know what happened. How do I explain  
to her that I look and feel like shit because I just killed my boyfriend?*   
  
She pushed away the urge to lose it again, as she tried to come to a   
decision. *Okay. Not home. Where then? I can't face mom, I can't face   
Giles...or Willow. She'll hate herself for being too late to save   
Angel, even though I don't blame her. She had no way of knowing.*   
  
"Buffy?"   
  
Buffy stiffened as she heard the voice behind her.   
  
Xander put his hand on her shoulder and turned her to face him.   
"Are you okay?" he asked. She kept her eyes on the ground, not   
wanting him to see her like this.   
  
He put his hand under her chin though, raising her face to meet his   
eyes. "I killed him," she whispered and put her face in her hands,   
sobbing.   
  
"Hey, come here," Xander pulled her to him. He held her as she cried.   
He didn't try to tell her it was going to be okay, and she was   
grateful for that. He just held her, stroking her hair gently.   
  
Once the tears had subsided he said, "Come on. I'll help you inside--"   
  
"No!" she yelled, and pushed him away.   
  
"Okay, Buffy, I just want to help you. Let me take you somewhere  
safe. The last thing you need is to be attacked by demons or vampires   
right now," he said.   
  
Buffy looked at him, intending to argue, but realized she was too   
tired. She just wanted peace and quiet. "Fine," she shrugged. He put   
one arm around her and led her down the street.   
  
***********  
  
"Can I get you anything?" He asked her. He had taken her back to his   
house, and they were in his room.   
  
She shook her head. She had her arms clutched tightly around her   
waist, and was looking around absent-mindedly.   
  
"Try to sleep, Buffy. I'll be upstairs on the couch," Xander said.   
  
She walked over to the bed and laid down, curling herself into a  
tight ball.   
  
Xander sighed. He hated seeing Buffy like this. She had always been   
the strong one, had saved his life more times than he could count.   
He'd never seen her so fragile, so lost. He walked up to her, and   
placed a quilt over her. She didn't move, unless you counted the   
shaking caused by her silent crying. He sat down on the floor next to   
the bed and watched her, not wanting to leave her alone.   
  
End Part One  



	2. Alone

**********  
You've stolen my heart   
and I want you to remember  
now what'll I do?  
living alone  
  
you've stolen my heart   
and it hurts me to remember   
now where'll I go to?  
living alone   
(The Sundays - Homeward)  
*****************  
The next morning  
7 am  
  
Xander woke when his alarm went off, but was disoriented for a   
moment. He finally realized why he had been asleep on the floor, but   
Buffy got the alarm before he could. "Sorry. Forgot about that," he   
said apologetically.   
  
She looked over at him, and shook her head. "It's okay... Thanks."   
  
"For letting you stay here? You don't need to thank me for that,"   
Xander replied. "Do you want to talk--"  
  
"No," she said a little too loudly. "I just...I just want to forget,"   
she said.   
  
"Did you get any sleep?" he asked worriedly. She didn't look as if   
she had, the dark circles under her eyes seemed to tell him that.  
  
Buffy shrugged. "Sleep's overrated."  
  
Xander nodded, and said, "Well, I don't know if you've thought about   
what you want to do next. But if you need to hide out here, you're   
more than welcome. My parents barely pay attention to my existence,   
so it won't even register with them that you're here. I can sleep   
anywhere, because again, my parents won't notice. I frequently sleep   
outside when I get tired of hearing them 'discussing things', as they   
like to call it. So the couch isn't a big deal for me. What I'm trying to say is if you feel safe here, then stay."   
  
"I don't deserve this, not after everything that's happened," Buffy   
said, shaking her head. She sat up and ran her hand through her hair   
distractedly.  
  
"Says who?" Xander replied. "Yes, I was less than thrilled when you   
and Willow jumped on the 'save Angel' bandwagon. Miss Calendar   
was killed by him, not to mention that he almost killed Willow and   
Giles. So, no, he wasn't my favorite person, but I never blamed you.   
You didn't cause what happened to any of them. Look at me," he   
insisted, and turned her face to make her meet his eyes. "None of   
what happened to them is your fault."   
  
"Xan--Oh." Cordelia was halfway down the stairs, and stopped in   
confusion.   
  
"Cordy," Xander said. "What's up?"   
  
"I...what...um," Cordelia couldn't manage to form a sentence.   
  
"Let's go upstairs," Xander said, walking up to head her off at the   
stairway.  
  
"But--"   
  
"Now," Xander said firmly, and took her by the elbow, leading her up   
the stairs.   
  
Buffy watched them go, realizing that twenty-four hours ago she would   
have been incredibly amused at Cordelia's thinly-concealed attack of   
jealousy. But now, nothing really seemed to penetrate far enough   
to tug at her emotions. All that remained in her head, like a broken   
record, was the sound of Angel's questioning call to her shortly   
before he was sucked into Hell.   
  
************  
  
"I'm not sure what exactly happened," Xander said. "She won't talk. I   
got that she had to kill him, but I have a feeling there's more to it   
than that."   
  
"Okay, I understand all that. What I _don't_ understand is the part   
where she slept here," Cordelia returned. "She _has_ a home, Xander."   
  
Xander sighed in frustration and said, "I know that, Cordy. But she   
didn't want to face her mom and she didn't want to face Giles. What was I supposed to do, let her sleep on the street? She's my friend and I was trying to help."  
  
"I bet," Cordelia muttered, still irritated by the situation.  
  
"Look, Cordelia. It's been a long week, and I don't know about you   
but I've gotten about four hours of sleep in the last 2 days. So I'm   
really not in the trade-insults frame of mind right now," he said.   
  
It was Cordelia's turn to sigh. "Fine. You're right, we're both   
tired. I'll go, see you later."   
  
"Why don't we meet up somewhere tonight?" Xander suggested.  
  
"Really?" Cordelia asked.   
  
"No, I'm just saying it," Xander replied, rolling his eyes. "Bronze?"   
  
"Fine," Cordelia shrugged.   
  
"Please try to contain your excitement," he said sarcastically,   
gaining a quick smile from her. "That's better," he smiled back.   
Having gotten his courage up to kiss her, deciding she wasn't going   
to beat him up, he did so.   
  
"Okay, go back to your Slayer-sitting duties," Cordelia said pushing   
him away. "But you're mine tonight."   
  
"Oh, really?" he leered at her.   
  
"Don't push it, Xander," Cordelia rolled her eyes. "Meet me at eight.   
If you're not there by five after, I'll be gone."   
  
"Yes ma'am," Xander mock-saluted her, and dodged as she swatted at   
him. "See you tonight, Cordy," he said and watched as she returned to   
her car.  
  
&&&&&&  
"Buffy, I don't know about you, but I'm hungry," Xander said as he   
walked back downstairs with a few bagels and cream cheese. "So eat," he ordered.  
  
She looked up at him, and said, "Food? I've been told it's a   
necessary thing."   
  
"So I hear," Xander replied. "I repeat, eat."   
  
Buffy picked up a bagel and picked at it absent-mindedly.   
  
Xander sighed, and said, "So what are you going to do?"   
  
"Go home I guess," Buffy shrugged. "Mom and I kind of had a fight, so   
she'll be avoiding me for a while. Which is just fine with me."   
  
"Are you going to go see Giles soon?" Xander asked.  
  
"I don't know how I can face him," Buffy replied.  
  
"Why? He doesn't blame you for what happened. I think you should just   
go talk to him."  
  
"I just... I can't," Buffy said. "I can't deal with Slaying or my   
Watcher, I just don't want anything to do with that part of my life   
right now. Could you...would you tell him that I need some time? Keep   
him off my case for a few days? I'll be ready to face him and my Slayer duties in a week, hopefully."   
  
Xander looked at her for a moment in silence, then shrugged, "Fine,   
I'll cover for you, for a little while."  
  
"Thank you," Buffy said, relieved that she had one less thing   
to worry about, for a while anyway.  
  
Xander nodded, and said, "I'll get us something to drink, then I'll   
walk you home." When he returned, she was staring into space, her   
breakfast forgotten. "At least drink something," Xander sighed,   
handing her a glass of juice.   
  
She wrinkled her nose at it, but obeyed. "Mom's so going to freak out   
when she has to deal with me being kicked out of school," she said.   
  
"That wasn't your fault," Xander protested. "Snyder's a jerk, and   
he's had it out for you since the moment you moved here."  
  
Buffy replied, "Mom's still going to kill me. But then hopefully   
she'll turn her wrath on Snyder. Not that I'm a big fan of school,   
but I'm an even lesser fan of starting over at a new one."   
  
"Well, the bright side is it's the summer so you don't have to worry about school for three months," Xander said helpfully.   
  
"Oh boy, what am I going to do with myself," Buffy replied. "And what   
about Kendra's murder? The cops still think I did it."   
  
"No, they don't," Xander said. "Giles and I informed them that the   
person who did it was a strange, dark-haired, psychopathic girl. Not   
that they'll be able to stop Drusilla, but at least they're not after you anymore. We can find Drusilla and Spike later when you feel up to it. Take care of it the slayer-way."   
  
"Oh," Buffy winced, remembering her deal with Spike. "That's gonna be   
kind of difficult, considering I agreed to let Spike leave town with   
Drusilla."  
  
Xander's jaw dropped open, he was shocked.   
  
"Don't say it, I wasn't thrilled about the deal either. But Spike came to me and offered to keep Dru out of my way at the Mansion, if I let him and Dru leave town after. He promised that we'd never see either of them again."   
  
"And you believed him??"  
  
"Yes," she replied. At his skeptical look, she added, "Look, Xander,   
I'm not saying he doesn't deserve a stake through the heart. But   
Spike's main concern has always been Spike, and if he has any loyalty   
at all it's to Drusilla. So yes, I did believe that he would get himself and Dru out of town and stay out. Besides, it's not like I would've had much luck without taking the deal, facing Angelus, Spike AND Drusilla all at once."   
  
"Maybe," Xander grudgingly admitted. "I just can't believe that   
they're not going to pay for their part in the events of the past two weeks."   
  
"If they ever set foot in this town again, they'll pay," Buffy   
said. "Well, I guess I'm ready to go home."   
  
"Okay, I'll walk you," Xander replied, following her upstairs to the   
front door.  
  
"I think I know my way home," Buffy protested with a frown.  
  
"Look, Buffy, no offense, but I doubt your reflexes are good enough   
to deal with any straggling demons who haven't yet retreated to the   
sewers for the day. And I, for one, don't want yet another Slayer in   
Sunnydale. We just got used to you," he teased.   
  
When she didn't reply, he said, "And that just proved my point. If   
you were really up to Buffy-potential you would've zinged me with a   
witty remark."   
  
"Sorry, out of wit at the moment," she replied.   
  
They walked the rest of the way to her house in silence, and when   
they arrived, Xander said, "Well, here we are."  
  
"Yay," she replied, looking at the house for a moment, getting up   
her nerve to go to the door. She did finally, and turned back as   
she opened it, and said, "Thanks, Xander."   
  
"No problem," he smiled, and walked back to his house.  
  
Buffy peered around the door, but saw no signs of her mom. She   
breathed a sigh of relief and made it half-way up the stairs before   
she heard, "Buffy! Where have you been?"   
  
"Don't start," Buffy warned, turning to see Joyce standing at the   
foot of the stairs. "I'm not in the mood right now--"   
  
"Well, tough!" Joyce replied. "You ran out without giving us a chance   
to talk last night, and then I was up all night wondering where you   
were, and when or if you would be back. You can't keep doing this to   
me, Buffy. I don't care who or what you think you are, you're still   
my daughter. If you would at least tell me where you were and that   
you're okay...." Joyce walked up the stairs and noticed the dried   
blood on Buffy's arm. "What happened to you?!" she demanded.   
  
"Oh," Buffy looked at the cut on her arm, just one of the wounds   
remaining from her fight with Angelus. *Funny, it didn't hurt when it   
happened, and it doesn't hurt now either. Not as much as the broken   
heart, that's for sure.* "It's just a flesh wound," she shrugged.   
"Typical of a night of Slaying. It will heal in no time,   
don't worry about it."   
  
"Buffy I should treat that--"   
  
"Mom, no!" Buffy yelled, and pulled her arm out of Joyce's grasp.   
"I've had the night from, well, Hell actually, and I just need   
to be alone right now." She turned and went to her room, shutting the   
door and locking it behind her.   
  
*Alone. That's what I am. That's what I should be, after what I did   
to Angel.* Buffy curled up on her bed as the tears started again.  
  
End Part Two 


	3. World at an End

(Song lyrics later on in this part: Shadows in a Mirror - Chris Isaak)  
&&&&&&&&  
One week later  
Friday night, 5 pm  
  
  
"So then I told him that he was shirking his duties as a Principal,   
and that I'd complain to the Mayor and the City Council, and the   
School Board," Joyce was recounting her triumph over Principal Snyder   
to Buffy over their dinner. Buffy was listening vaguely, enough to   
mutter, "Uh-huh," and "oh" occasionally. She looked down at her   
plate, and pushed the food around strategically while her mom wasn't   
paying attention. She'd lost her appetite in the last few days. Not   
that she didn't eat at all, but it didn't much interest her.  
  
Nothing interested her anymore. Not going back to school. Definitely   
not Slaying. Xander had managed to keep Giles and Willow content with   
whatever excuses he had come up with, and they weren't banging down   
the door insisting to see her. Xander had visited her every day after   
dinner, and she'd been surprised by his protectiveness. It was sweet,   
though, and she didn't mind it from him like she minded it from her   
mom. At least he didn't push her to talk to him. On the contrary he   
usually tried to distract her, and make her smile. He'd turned out to   
be a really good friend, and she was hoping at the moment he would   
show up soon tonight, because she didn't much want to deal with her   
mom's impending nagging.   
  
She realized the room had fallen silent, and looked up to see her mom   
looking at her with concern. "What?" she asked defensively. "I'm   
sorry, I got distracted. So you defeated Snyder?"   
  
"Yes, it's all straightened out. So, anyway, do you have plans   
tonight?"   
  
"Not really," Buffy shrugged. "I'm not much in the social mood right   
now."  
  
"So I've noticed, Buffy. You're worrying me. You're like a You don't   
want to go out, you sit around home all day, you won't talk to Giles   
or Willow. I'd be much more concerned if you were completely   
isolating yourself, but at least you spend time with Xander. Which is   
a surprise to me, I would think the person who you would spend time   
with above anyone else is Angel--"   
  
Buffy jumped at the name. She tried to remain calm, though. That was   
the last thing she needed, her mom to see her lose it. Joyce noticed   
the reaction, though, and looked at her daughter closely, trying to   
read her expression. "Is that it?" Joyce asked. "Did you two break   
up?"   
  
A sudden laugh escaped Buffy's lips. "I guess you could call it   
that," she said, and then jumped up from the table as she felt the   
tears threatening. "I'm sorry. I really can't..." she gave up and ran   
upstairs to her room.   
  
&&&&&&&&&&  
  
Buffy laid on her bed, holding Mr. Gordo, her only comfort when she   
had to either cry or lose her mind. She heard the doorbell, and   
brushed the tears away, knowing who it was before her mom   
called, "Buffy, it's Xander!" She looked in her mirror, and rolled   
her eyes at her   
  
She heard a tap at her door, and said, "Come in, Xander," returning   
to sit on her bed.   
  
"Hey," Xander smiled as he entered. He guessed from the state of her   
appearance that she'd been crying, but didn't bring up the issue. He   
had decided long ago that it wouldn't be a good idea to attempt to   
push Buffy to talk about something she didn't want to. He figured   
that she would just push back even harder and possibly shut him out   
alltogether. So he had settled on trying to be the best friend he   
could, and making sure she knew he was available in the event she   
felt like talking.  
  
The next thing he noticed was the song playing on her CD player.   
  
I'm watching somebody's world at an end.   
And wishing that somehow we could love again.   
Shadows in a mirror tell me that I'm wrong.   
Shadows in a mirror, tell me that we're through.  
  
He sighed, and said, "I'm going to take that CD out of your house. I   
swear you must have it on repeat, and I don't think it's doing much   
to ease the depression." He walked over and turned it off.   
  
"I like it," Buffy shrugged. "Someone who knows how I feel. But if   
you want to try to cheer me up, go for it," she challenged him.  
  
"Oh, I think I can do that," Xander said. "Willow, Oz, and I went   
patrolling yesterday," he offered with a grin.   
  
"Oh no," Buffy said.  
  
"Yeah, that pretty much covers it," Xander replied, chuckling. "The   
general way it went was this: vampire attacked Willow, Oz attacked   
vampire. Oz got thrown across the field, vampire returned to Willow   
intent on biting her. So then Xander tried to be macho-helping-guy   
but somehow the vampire managed to get the stake out of my hand and   
attempt to stake _me_ with it. Which I must say was a new and   
unexpected demon reaction. Lucky for me, I was fast in the reflex   
department, and I dodged out of the way. Unluckily for Willow,   
though, who had managed to get herself off the ground only to be run   
into by yours truly. The vampire ran off as we went tumbling to the   
ground, but Oz jumped the vampire, and staked him after a short   
struggle."   
  
Buffy looked at him, trying to keep a serious expression on her face.   
She really, really didn't want to prove him right that he could cheer   
her up. She couldn't help it, though, the mental image of her friends   
falling over themselves literally in the attempt to slay a vampire   
was too much caused a giggle to escape her. Xander smiled, willing to   
be the source of her amusement as long as she was laughing.   
  
"I'm sorry, that was mean," she apologized. "I am really grateful to   
you guys for pulling substitute Slay duty while I've been out of   
commission."   
  
"No thanks needed," Xander replied sitting next to her. "We get that   
you're going through something, and we're happy to help in any way we   
can."   
  
"Still, I think you guys are going above and beyond the call of   
friendship," Buffy said. "Demon fighting is not a typical hobby for   
most teens."   
  
"Maybe not, but it makes life interesting," Xander said. He looked at   
his watch and said, "I should go soon. I have a date with Cordelia."   
  
"So how are you two doing?" Buffy asked.  
  
"Okay, I guess," Xander shrugged.  
  
"Not so much enthusiasm," Buffy said sarcastically. "I can't take   
it."   
  
Xander chuckled, and said, "Don't get me wrong, I like her. I don't   
know though..."  
  
"What's not to know?" Buffy asked. "I mean, you like her, she likes   
you. Besides the obvious 'She's Cordelia' argument, what's standing   
in the way?" she teased.   
  
"Well, she's leaving soon for the summer vacation with her parents. A   
lot can happen during the summer, so I guess I'm just keeping myself   
prepared."   
  
"For?" Buffy said, confused.   
  
"For when she comes to her senses and decides she was insane to want   
to date me," Xander explained.  
  
"You're too hard on yourself, Xander," Buffy said, shaking her   
head. "You're a great guy, and I think Cordelia's lucky to have you.   
If she doesn't see that, then _that's_ when she's insane."   
  
"Thanks, Buffy," Xander replied. "That was a very good-friend thing   
to say."   
  
"I don't 'just say' things, Xander. I meant it," she said with a   
smile. "Okay, go. You don't want to keep Cordelia Chase waiting. I   
don't imagine it would be a pretty sight."   
  
"Definitely not," Xander agreed. "You sure you'll be okay?" he asked.   
  
"I'm sure," she reassured him. "Go have fun, I'll see you later."   
  
Xander stood and walked to the door, saying, "Okay, but if you need   
anything--"   
  
"I'll call you," Buffy finished the sentence, with a grin. "Go."   
  
"Okay, I'll see you tomorrow," Xander replied, and exited the room.   
  
Buffy sighed to herself after Xander left, and pushed the play button   
on her CD player remote. "I miss you, Angel," she said, as she looked   
down at the Claddagh ring on her finger. She'd gotten in the habit of   
talking as if he could hear her, and she hoped that somehow he   
could. "You were and still are my whole world. How am I supposed to   
go on, now that it's over?"   
  
End Three  



	4. Superhero?

  
(Lyrics later on: Superhero - Bif Naked)  
  
**********  
Buffy went back downstairs, and found her mom cleaning up the supper  
dishes. She started to help her, saying, "Sorry about the outburst. I  
just need a little time to deal with stuff."  
  
"I get that," Joyce nodded. "And I'm sorry if I upset you, but you   
have to understand that I can't _not_ upset you if I don't know what   
I'm _not_ supposed to say or do."  
  
"I know," Buffy sighed. "How about this. Angel and me or Angel in any  
context is a really sore subject for me right now. I can't explain why  
because there's too much and it's too soon. So can we just leave it at  
that?"  
  
"Of course we can," Joyce said. "And you don't ever _have_ to tell me  
anything, I just want to know that you're okay."  
  
"I am," Buffy said. "It's just going to take some time for me to be  
normal again."  
  
"Fair enough," Joyce replied. "Now do you want to rinse the dishes or  
load them into the dishwasher?"  
  
"Load," Buffy said, joining her mom at the kitchen sink.  
  
After Buffy had finished helping her mom, she decided to go for a   
walk. She went upstairs, remembering the usefulness of Mr. Pointy   
after sunset. She walked down the street to the park, and Slayer or   
not, was still demon bait. She heard the vampire approaching from   
behind, and turned quickly to face him down. "Hi. You picked the   
wrong dinner," she said with a grin.  
  
To her complete surprise, the vampire shrieked and ran in the opposite  
direction. Buffy couldn't help laughing. "I guess my reputation   
precedes me." When she realized that the vampire was now out of   
sight, she sighed. "Bad Buffy. You're not supposed to let them go,"   
she berated herself. "Although, how much trouble could he be? ...   
No," she shook her head. "I can just hear Giles now. 'The Slayer does   
_not_ take pity on soulless demons. She slays the forces of evil,   
because it is her calling.' Yes, Giles, I hear you even in my head,"   
she muttered as she started off after the vampire.  
  
**********  
The Bronze  
  
Xander arrived late for his date, due to a run-in with a vampire.   
Lucky for him, the vampire hadn't been too smart, and had been easy   
to stake. Unluckily for him, he didn't think Cordelia's anger would   
be nearly as easy to defeat. He scanned the room and saw her sitting   
at a nearby table, looking irritatedly at her watch. *Okay, charm.   
Get me out of the doghouse*  
  
He walked up to Cordelia, and said, "Hey, Cordy. I'm really sorry I'm  
late, but--"  
  
"But you just had to go see Buffy, and you lost track of time, right?"  
Cordelia accused him.  
  
"No. Well, yes, I went to see Buffy, but I actually did leave there in  
time to get here on time for our date. But then there was a vampire   
who decided he needed a snack, so I was kind of detained for a while.   
I'm really sorry."   
  
"Fine," Cordelia sighed. "Let's just try to salvage the evening,   
okay?"  
  
"Fine with me," Xander agreed. "So you're leaving tomorrow?"  
  
"Yeah," Cordelia answered, not looking at him. She was still obviously  
irritated.  
  
Xander sighed, and thought *This is going to be a looooong evening*  
  
**********  
  
Buffy had finally caught up with the vampire, and followed him into   
the sewers. "Why do they love sewers? What's to love about sewers?   
The rats? The unidentified substances that ooze through the walls?"   
She stopped to consider the bottom of her shoe. "Or sit on the ground   
waiting for you to step on them?" she made a face.  
  
"Ow!" she yelled as a vampire rushed at her and knocked her into the  
opposite wall. "Where'd _you_ come from?" she asked, as she picked  
herself up off the ground. "And you were not the one I was looking for  
at all. But you'll do," she shrugged.  
  
She ran at the vampire, ready to stake him, but he was ready for her.   
He dodged to the side and tripped her, sending her to the ground yet   
again. "That's not funny anymore," Buffy protested.  
  
"Not trying to be funny," the vampire said, his voice thick with an  
English accent. "Just trying to kill the Slayer."  
  
"Emphasis on try, and can I suggest you also add fail to that?" Buffy  
replied. "You're dead, and this time I mean permanently."  
  
She punched him in the face, and he responded likewise. "That's gonna  
cost you," Buffy warned. "Because if there's one thing I can't stand,  
it's a black eye."  
  
"You talk too much," the vampire said as he backhanded her across the  
face. "You're not giving me half the challenge I thought you would,"   
he sighed. "I'm not really interested in this anymore." He grabbed   
her and sent her flying. When she landed, she felt pain as her head   
hit the floor, and then all was blackness.  
  
When she came to, she was alone, still where she had landed. "Oh my  
head," Buffy moaned. "That certainly didn't end the way I intended.  
Guess Slaying was a bad idea tonight" She picked herself off the   
ground slowly and headed out of the sewers and back home.  
  
When she arrived home, Joyce's face proved that she looked worse than  
she felt. "Oh my God!" Joyce yelled. "What happened?!"  
  
"Slayers don't usually go out for nice, quiet walks," Buffy answered.  
"It's nothing. Just get me some ice for the eye okay?" Joyce nodded,   
and Buffy stopped at a mirror in the hallway. She touched the bump on   
the side of her head, but was relieved to see no blood when she   
removed her hand. "And some aspirin!" she yelled. "Oh, no yelling,"   
she reminded herself as her head screamed its disapproval. "Thanks,"   
she said gratefully as she took the aspirin and ice and headed   
upstairs.  
  
She turned on her radio as she entered her room  
  
I used to be a superhero  
No one could touch me  
No not even myself  
You were like a phonebooth  
That I somehow stumbled into  
Now look at me  
I am just like everybody else  
  
"Shut up," Buffy said irritably, and turned the radio back off. "I'm  
still the Slayer," she assured herself. "I'm just an out-of-practice  
Slayer."  
  
*********  
  
Xander had tried and failed to start a conversation with Cordelia for  
the tenth time that night, and was contemplating finding a train to   
jump in front of. He sighed with relief as he saw Willow and Oz walk   
up. "Hey guys, sit?" he begged. Willow caught the look on his face,   
and decided to take pity on him. She sent a pleading look to Oz who   
nodded his agreement.  
  
"So how's Buffy?" Willow asked.  
  
"Aagh!" Cordelia screamed and made the quickest escape anyone had ever  
seen. Xander followed her with his eyes until he saw that she was just  
getting a drink. "Buffy is not Cordelia's favorite topic right now,"   
he shrugged. "Buffy's okay. She's just got a lot of stuff to deal   
with."  
  
"If there's anything I can do," Willow started, then shut up as   
Cordelia returned. "So, Cordelia, are you looking forward to Bermuda?"  
  
"Oh, definitely," Cordelia replied, happy to be talking about herself  
rather than Buffy. She then went into a detailed explanation of  
everything she would be doing on her summer vacation. Leaving everyone  
else, including Willow, to be very sorry that she had asked in the   
first place.  
  
*************  
END Four  



	5. Never Alone

****************  
lying in your hotel bed you cry  
for the years that were wasted  
and time gone by  
darling girl can you not see  
your soul is bright  
i wish you could know  
it's all gonna be all right  
  
a little determination and a little more pride  
a little determination will ease your pain inside.  
  
let me tell you  
that you're never alone  
(Bif Naked - Never Alone)  
  
*****************  
  
Monday afternoon  
  
Joyce had taken the day off, doing her worrying thing, and she and   
Buffy were watching a movie in the living room. Joyce paused it when the   
doorbell rang. "You wanna get it or do you want me to?" Joyce asked.  
  
"I will," Buffy said. "It's probably Xander."  
  
She was not surprised at all that he was indeed standing at her   
doorway. The look on his face, however, reminded her of her appearance.   
"What the hell happened to you?" he questioned.  
  
"Come on in," Buffy said, and he followed her to her room. "I thought   
it would be a good idea to go for a nice, peaceful walk the other night.   
Get some fresh air," she explained. "Unfortunately, I had forgotten that   
being the Slayer, I'm not allowed to have a nice, peaceful walk. I   
should've let the first vampire go, because I think he meant to lure me   
into that sewer, now that I think about it."  
  
"Buffy, you shouldn't have gone out by yourself," Xander protested.  
  
"Xander, I am the Slayer. I'm quite capable of taking care of myself."  
  
He merely responded with a raised eyebrow.  
  
"Fine, I _used_ to be quite capable of taking care of myself. I don't  
get it, it's only been a week since I've..." Buffy trailed off.  
  
"Yes, but have you slept in that week?" Xander asked.  
  
"Well, no," she admitted.  
  
"Okay then. And you probably haven't been eating right, not to mention  
that you haven't been training, and you definitely are not in the best  
frame of mind--"  
  
"OKay, okay!" Buffy yelled, cutting him off. "Geez, I get it. I'm not  
myself," she rolled her eyes at him.  
  
"Sorry, I just...You really could've gotten hurt much worse than you  
did, and I don't even want to think about that," Xander said. "I mean,  
you know you're lucky that vamp didn't kill you."  
  
"It wasn't about killing me, it was about humiliating me," Buffy said.  
"And that he definitely did. "I just hope he tries it again."  
  
"Buffy!"  
  
"What?" she gave Xander an innocent look. "You didn't let me finish. I  
was going to say, 'because if he does, me and my friends will make him  
very sorry he decided to pick on me."  
  
"That's more like it," Xander said. His eyes narrowed, "You're not   
just saying that, are you? You really won't try to do any more slaying   
alone?"  
  
"I won't," Buffy said. "I promise," she added, as he still looked  
skeptical. "So Cordy left last night?"  
  
"Yeah," Xander answered.  
  
"What are you going to do with yourself the rest of the summer?" she  
wondered.  
  
"I dunno," he replied. "Hang out with you -and Willow," he added  
quickly. *She didn't notice, good. Try not to be such an idiot,   
please?*  
  
"How is Willow?" Buffy asked.  
  
"She's good," Xander said. "She and Oz spend a lot of time together,   
of course. So I don't see that much of her anymore. Except when Giles   
calls us over for patrol duty. And then we try not to kill each other   
in our attempts to slay the bad things."  
  
"I definitely need to see what I can do about helping you out with  
that," Buffy said.  
  
"Whenever," Xander replied. "Really we're getting halfway good at it."  
At Buffy's skeptical expression, he said, "Fine, oh ye of little   
faith. We'll just have to prove it to you sometime. We'll kill the demon   
and you watch."  
  
"That I'll definitely be glad to do," Buffy said. "Don't get  
too good though, I might start to feel unwanted."  
  
"That could never happen," Xander said. "You're Buffy. You're the  
Slayer, we're the Slayerettes. You're Scooby, and we're the Scooby  
Gang."  
  
"Okay if I'd known _I_ was Scooby, I never would've let that nickname   
stick," Buffy frowned.  
  
"I take it back; you're not Scooby, you're much too pretty to be Scooby,"   
Xander said before he could stop himself. Buffy looked up at him in shock   
and watched in half-amusement/half-sympathy as his face turned the reddest   
she'd ever seen. "I just remembered, I...I have....uh, an errand to run,"   
he stuttered. "I'll see you later?"  
  
"Fine," Buffy said kindly. "And Xander," she added, stopping him.  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Thanks for the compliment," she smiled.  
  
"Oh. You're welcome," he smiled back, and left, much less horrified at  
himself.  
  
She shook her head at his retreating form. She'd always known he had a  
crush on her. *Guess it's still there. At least he doesn't make it an  
issue. And that's a good thing, because I do _not_ need any more   
issues right now.*  
  
She heard the doorbell ring, and her mom yelled shortly after, "Buffy,  
it's Willow!"  
  
*I can't be hermit-girl forever.* She opened the door, and yelled  
downstairs, "Hey, Will, come on up!"  
  
"Hey," Willow said uncertainly, as she reached Buffy's room. "I don't  
want to interrupt, I mean, well, actually I do, but I'll go if you   
don't want me here but...what happened to your eye!"  
  
Buffy giggled, "Will, I'm okay. Come in," she said, hugging her   
friend. "I'm happy to see you. I'm sorry I've been keeping to myself, but   
I just needed a little time after everything that happened. I don't want   
you to think it was you at _all_ that I was avoiding, it was just...  
everything," she finished with a shrug.  
  
"I understand," Willow said. "I don't know how I would have handled it  
if I'd had to...do what you did."  
  
"And to answer your second question, I discovered that Slaying and my  
current frame of mind, along with several other things which Xander   
was kind enough to bring up, don't mix. I got beaten by a vampire for   
the first time in, well, ever. So, for a while, I will not be doing   
the solo slay thing."  
  
Willow still had a worried look on her face.  
  
"It's a black eye, I've had worse," Buffy said. "So what's up?" She   
sat on her bed, and motioned for Willow to sit.  
  
"Nothing much," Willow said, sitting next to her. "I just was...am  
worried about you, and I wanted to see how you were."  
  
"I'm... okay," Buffy replied. "I know that's not incredibly reassuring  
but I don't know what else to say. By the way, Mom doesn't know what  
happened and I have no intention of telling her. She's gotten it into  
her head that Angel and I broke up, and well, I guess that's kind of  
true. Technically. But anyway, what have you been doing lately?" she  
asked, not wanting to dwell on the events of that night.  
  
"Well, I've been going through some of Jenny's old magic books, and   
I've found some really cool spells. Giles lectured, and I smiled and   
nodded, but I don't think he gives me enough credit. I mean, really, it's   
not like I'm going to try any of the dangerous or complicated spells."  
  
"So, you gotten any to work?" Buffy asked, trying not to think about   
the one she already knew about.  
  
"Not really," Willow frowned, "my potions so far have turned out   
looking kinda like the ectoplasm stuff that you see on those Ghostbuster   
movies. Plus I have to keep any evidence of the spells away from mom. She'd   
have a fit if she even suspected."  
  
"Yeah, most parents don't deal well with their children being involved  
in paranormal stuff," Buffy said. "Like mom with me being a   
Slayer. 'Are you sure you're a Slayer? Have you tried _not_ being a Slayer?'   
Geez, sometimes I think she believes I'm completely mental."  
  
"Have you thought about maybe asking Giles to talk to her about it?"  
Willow suggested.  
  
"No, it hadn't occurred to me," Buffy replied. "Do you think it would  
help?"  
  
"Well, it might," Willow replied. "Giles _is_ a really reasonable,  
logical person. So maybe he could convince your mom all this stuff   
_is_ real. It couldn't hurt."  
  
"Good point," Buffy agreed. "I'm glad you came over, Willow. I've   
missed you."  
  
"I missed you too," Willow smiled. "I know you probably feel really  
alone right now, Buffy, but you're not. You've got me, and Xander, and  
Giles, and we'll always be there for you. Anytime you need to talk   
about it."  
  
"I know that," Buffy said. "But I don't feel like talking about   
things. Not yet. How's Giles doing?"  
  
"He's fine," Willow assured her. "He's been keeping track of all the   
demon stuff going on and keeping me, Oz, Xander and Cordelia really busy."  
  
"I feel bad that you guys are doing the Slaying in my place," Buffy  
frowned. "It's not your job, you know."  
  
"We know," Willow said. "And Giles isn't _forcing_ us to go out there.  
We all just kind of agreed that we'd fill in. There wasn't any   
discussion about it, actually. We just started to do it. Anything we can   
do to help you right now, we're more than willing."  
  
"You guys are really too great," Buffy said. "And don't think I don't  
really appreciate it."  
  
"We know you do," Willow replied with a smile. "Now, to the other   
reason I'm here. I don't know if you feel up to it, but I was going to   
go to the Bronze tonight. The Dingoes are playing."  
  
"Honestly, Will? I'm not in the party mood," Buffy said. "Big crowd,  
lots of happy people, probably wouldn't mix with Buffy right now."  
  
"Okay, I understand," Willow said. "Well, I feel bad running out so  
soon..."  
  
"Don't feel bad," Buffy assured her. "Go see your boyfriend. Have a   
good time. Tell Oz I said hi."  
  
Willow hugged Buffy quickly, and said, "You know where I am if you   
need anything. And I'll call you in a couple days if that's okay?"  
  
"That's fine," Buffy replied. "And you never need to ask if you can call   
or stop by."  
  
"Okay," Willow stood to go, "I'll see you later." She turned back at   
the door, and said, "Oh, by the way. One magic trick I have managed to  
master?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
Willow waved her hand, and Buffy watched in amazement as her jewelry   
box traveled from her dresser to her lap. Willow giggled at Buffy's   
shocked expression, and said, "Bye!"  
  
"Wow," Buffy said after her friend was gone. "Something tells me she  
might be useful in the battling demons with magic department pretty  
soon."  
  
  
End Five 


	6. Easy Night of Slaying

****************  
  
Friday, 3 pm  
  
"Go somewhere tonight, Buffy," Joyce insisted.  
  
"I don't want to," Buffy protested.  
  
"Well, tough! You're driving me crazy moping around, and I can't see   
how you're not driving yourself crazy," Joyce said. "I'm glad you've spent  
time with Willow this week, that was a huge relief to me. But you   
still haven't left the house, except for when you left long enough to get  
beaten up by whatever it was that beat you up. Whatever happened   
between you and Angel, you've got to just pick yourself up and get back out  
there."  
  
"Okay, mom, I thought I made it clear earlier that Angel was not an  
acceptable topic of conversation!" Buffy yelled and stormed out of the  
room.  
  
She reached her room and slammed the door for good measure. "Okay,   
get a grip," she told herself. "She's just trying to help. Losing it isn't a  
helpful thing. It just makes her even more annoying." She flopped down  
on her bed, and jumped at the sound of the phone.  
  
Thirty seconds later, her mom knocked on the door, "Buffy, it's for  
you."  
  
Buffy reached for her phone on the bedside table. "Yeah?" she said not  
very politely.  
  
"Buffy, it's Xander. Are you okay?"  
  
"Mom and I are just getting on each other's nerves," Buffy sighed.  
"Otherwise I'm fine."  
  
"Well, I just came from Giles', and he said he needs to talk to you.   
He doesn't want to intrude on your need for space from the slayer stuff,  
but it's really important. He asked me to see if you would be up to  
seeing him so you could talk about it. I was going to just come over,  
but then I thought that I'd see if you were up to it first before I  
assumed that you'd be willing to see him."  
  
"I knew this would happen eventually. I can't stay away forever,"   
Buffy said.  
  
"Willow said you and she spent some time together yesterday, and that  
went okay, didn't it?" Xander asked. "So what makes you think it won't  
be that easy to talk to Giles?  
  
"After what Angelus did to Jenny and Giles, how can I face him?"  
  
"Because he's your friend, and he doesn't blame you for what happened   
to him, or Jenny. Just like Willow doesn't blame you for being put into   
the hospital, and just like I don't blame you for any of the above. I   
think the only person that blames you is you, Buffy."  
  
"When did you get so smart?" Buffy asked ruefully.  
  
"Hey!" Xander protested. "I've always been smart. I just....hide it  
well."  
  
Buffy couldn't suppress a giggle. "Sorry, didn't mean to imply that   
you weren't smart," she said. "I just meant that you've gotten really good  
at shooting down all my excuses lately. Okay, I'm going to go over to  
Giles'. Now before I lose my nerve," she added, standing.  
  
"Wow. When you make up your mind, you make up your mind," Xander said   
in amazement. "So would you like company, or would you rather do this  
alone?"  
  
"Oh, if you wanted to come along, that would be great," Buffy   
said. "At the very least, you could keep me from changing my mind halfway   
there."  
  
"Okay, I'll come over and we can walk to Giles' together," Xander  
replied.  
  
&&&&&&&&  
  
"I should knock," Buffy said, staring at Giles' door.  
  
Xander, standing next to her, said, "Yes, that is the typical human  
behavior in these situations."  
  
Buffy hit him on the arm, and said, "Gee thanks for the moral   
support," rolling her eyes.  
  
"Any time, and can I add... OW?" Xander replied, rubbing his arm.  
"Slayer strength, remember?"  
  
"Oh, oops," Buffy said, with a grin. "At least I can still beat _you_  
up," she added under her breath.  
  
"Hey!" Xander protested again. "What is this, beat up on Xander day?"  
  
Buffy just ignored him. Taking a deep breath, she knocked on the door.  
  
Giles opened it, and stood there, looking at her for a moment, in  
obvious shock. "Buffy," he finally managed. "Come in," he stood back   
to let the two in. Oz and Willow were there, sitting on the couch.  
  
"Hey!" Willow smiled at the sight of her friend. "This is a pleasant  
surprise."  
  
"Hey, Buffy," Oz said in typical reticent greeting.  
  
"Hey, guys," Buffy smiled. "I figured leaving my house would be a good  
thing. Before my mom pushed me out the door."  
  
"Please sit down," Giles offered, and Buffy sat on a nearby chair,   
while Xander took a chair across from her. Giles sat on the couch next to  
Willow.  
  
"So...." Buffy tried.  
  
"So...." Giles attempted.  
  
"Sew buttons," Xander supplied, quickly followed with, "Sorry. Stupid  
even for me."  
  
Giles rolled his eyes, and said, "But in typical Xander-fashion, you   
did break the awkward moment," he admitted. "I don't want to bring up  
unhappy memories, Buffy, but I'd like to ask you a few questions about  
what happened the night you confronted Angelus," Giles finally said.  
"I'm getting ready to ship the demon Acathla off to the Watcher's  
Council, but I wanted to be sure first that it's safe. He appears to   
be dormant, but--"  
  
"He is," Buffy said firmly. "You want to know what happened," she  
sighed. "Angelus and I fought, and I'd gotten the better of him. Then   
I realized he had already started the process of awakening Acathla.  
This.... vortex came out of Acathla's mouth. It was getting bigger,   
and bigger, and I figured out it was how we'd get sucked into hell. I had   
to kill Angelus to stop it. So I did, and Angelus disappeared, along with  
the vortex. Acathla went back to sleep, end of story."  
  
She looked down at the floor to avoid the pity she knew she'd see in  
their faces. *I can't tell them the curse worked. Willow already feels  
bad enough thinking it didn't work, and it would just upset her if she  
knew that it had worked too late. It's easier for all of them to move   
on thinking it was just Angelus I killed. Knowing it was Angel is   
something I have to deal with, but that doesn't mean anyone else has to.*  
  
"I'm sorry, Buffy," Giles surprised her by saying. "I know you were  
hoping it wouldn't come to that."  
  
"Thanks, Giles," Buffy replied, looking up at him. "I know that it   
isn't easy for you to feel anything but happy, not after what he put you  
through."  
  
"However I felt about Angel doesn't discount what you felt for him,"  
Giles said kindly. "I won't press the matter either, I know you don't  
want to talk about it. Thank you for telling me."  
  
"You needed to know," Buffy said. "So now do you think you can get  
Acathla out of the country safely?"  
  
"Now that you've told me exactly what happened, I'm convinced that  
Acathla will not wake up again unless someone or something decides to  
try to wake him up," Giles said. "And the Watcher's Council will   
ensure that Acathla will be out of the reach of any more enterprising   
demons."  
  
"Good," Buffy said. "Giles, I have a question for you. Would you be  
willing to talk to my mom about the slaying thing? She's still pretty  
freaked. I'm not sure but I think she wants to put me into therapy."  
  
"Oh, well, I'll see what I can do of course," Giles replied. "I   
suspect that she just needs time. It's not an easy situation for anyone to  
handle."  
  
"True," Buffy agreed. "And speaking of slaying, what's the demon  
activity been like lately?"  
  
"Just the usual," Oz replied. "That's kind of a contradiction in   
terms, isn't it?" he frowned.  
  
"Yeah, I guess it is, but I get it," Buffy replied with a smile.  
"Nothing the usual stakes, crosses and holy water can't fix, right?"  
  
"Exactly," Oz said.  
  
"Okay, then, it's nothing I can't handle," Buffy said.  
  
"Buffy, are you sure you're ready for that?" Willow asked, a worried  
expression on her face.  
  
"Uh, yeah," Buffy said. "Me Slayer. Slayer kill demons. I didn't say   
I'd do it alone; I remember I told you and Xander I wouldn't." She   
realized she needed to explain to Giles. "I went for a walk a few   
days ago, and discovered a vampire who could beat me. Nothing   
really bad," she added, not wanting him to worry. "Just  
general humiliation, a very slight concussion and a black eye. After  
that, I realized I might need some help for a while."  
  
"That's a good idea," Giles agreed. "For a little while, at least.  
Until you're back in full form. So I suppose the question is who will   
go on patrol with Buffy tonight?"  
  
"Oz and I were planning on going out anyway, so we'll go," Willow  
offered.  
  
"Hey, I'm not going to be left out of the action," Xander   
protested. "If there's demon ass-kicking to be done, I want to be part of it."  
  
"Or in the way of it," Buffy teased.  
  
"Ouch," Xander said. "Could you go easy on the ego please?"  
  
"Sorry, I guess the prospect of slaying puts me in a good mood," Buffy  
shrugged. "So anything particularly evil to stop tonight, Giles?"  
  
"Not that I'm aware of," Giles replied. "I think a general patrol of   
the cemeteries should be sufficient."  
  
"Okay, an easy night of slaying works for me," Buffy said.  
  
  
6 hours later.....  
  
  
Buffy didn't know what the name was of the demon who was holding her   
by the neck, she just knew she wanted to kill it. It was big, it was   
ugly, and it smelled like the garbage dump. She reached for it, but  
unfortunately its arms were much longer than hers. She couldn't reach  
it, and she was starting to feel light-headed from its grip which was  
cutting off her air supply.  
  
"Put her down!" she heard Xander yell, and then she and the demon were  
knocked to the ground as he tackled the demon. He did succeed in   
getting the grasp on her neck removed, and she rolled out of the way, gasping  
for breath. She looked over and saw that Oz had gone to Willow's aid,   
as she was the point of interest for the other demon.  
  
Unfortunately, Oz wasn't much of a match for the demon, and it knocked  
him to the ground and kicked him in the stomach. "Stop!" Willow   
yelled, and with a wave of her hand, the demon went flying across the field,  
landing at Buffy's feet.  
  
"Oh," Buffy said in surprise, and decided to see if Mr. Pointy would   
do the trick. She was relieved to see it did, but then frowned and said,  
"Why didn't it go 'poof'?"  
  
"Could we contemplate it later?" Xander asked. She looked over to see  
him dodging the demon's blows, and trying to get a few in himself.  
  
"Oh, yeah," Buffy said. She quickly ran over to the demon and kicked   
his legs out from under him, staking him too as he fell.  
  
"Thanks, Xander," she said.  
  
"No problem, you returned the favor," Xander replied with a shrug.  
"Besides, I was more impressed with Willow's demon throwing act."  
  
"That? That wasn't anything," Willow said. "Now what do we do with  
them?" Willow asked, indicating the two bodies.  
  
"Well, there's a cemetery across the street," Oz reminded them.  
  
"There's a cemetery across _every_ street," Xander reminded him.  
  
"Yeah, well, so we've got our pick of places to put the bodies,"   
Willow said. "We're missing one thing if we have to bury them, though. A  
shovel."  
  
"I'll drive to Giles' place, and meet you guys at the cemetery with a  
shovel or two," Oz offered.  
  
"Fine. In the mean time, we gotta drag them over there," Buffy said.   
She sighed, and said, "I much prefer the ones that go 'poof'. I mean,   
yeah, there's ash to get out of your clothing and hair, but at least you   
don't have to do body disposal."  
  
She leaned down to grab the arms of one demon, and Willow and Xander  
grabbed the legs. "And I thought this would be an easy night of  
Slaying," Buffy said, shaking her head.  
  
END of 6  



	7. Surprise

One Week Later,  
Monday afternoon  
  
"Mom?!" Buffy walked into her house after an afternoon of shopping   
with Willow. "I'm back," she called, not so loudly this time. She frowned,  
"Now that's strange. She actually isn't here when I come home, for the   
first time in over a month."  
  
"Yes I am," Joyce said as she emerged from the kitchen. "I've got a  
surprise for you Buffy," she smiled. "At least I hope you'll   
appreciate it."  
  
"Yeah, what is it?" Buffy asked, half-curious, half-suspicious.  
  
"That would be me."  
  
Buffy looked in surprise as the young man walked out of the kitchen.   
He was six feet tall, with blue eyes and blond hair. He had an athletic  
build, and tanned skin.  
  
"Danny?" Buffy finally found her voice.  
  
"Hey, Buffy," he gave her a hesitant smile. "I hope you're not mad.  
Joyce and I have been planning this for like three months. I told her  
I'd be going to New York in July to see my dad, and she suggested   
that I drop by for a few days to see you. Well, insisted would be more  
accurate. The surprise was her idea too."  
  
"I'm not mad," Buffy said with a smile. "I'm really happy to see you,"  
she said, and she walked over and hugged him. "I am Surprised, yes,   
but it's a good surprise."  
  
"I thought about telling you," Danny said. "But part of me was worried  
you'd tell me you didn't want to see me."  
  
"Don't be silly," Buffy replied. "Why would I not want to see you?"   
She looked to where her mom had been standing, and laughed when she saw   
that Joyce had made a silent exit. "Gee, she's not obvious, is she?"   
Buffy said rolling her eyes. "Come on," she took his hand. "Sit down,   
even though I know a lot from your letters it's not the same as talking   
to you in person. How long are you going to be here?"  
  
"A week," Danny said. "Unless you get sick of me that is, and then   
I'll leave whenever you tell me to."  
  
"Would you stop that," Buffy hit him on the arm playfully. "I haven't  
seen you in two years, I seriously doubt I'll get sick of you in a   
week. I think it's more likely that you'll get sick of Sunnydale in   
less than a week, though."  
  
"Not a lot goes on here?" Danny asked.  
  
"Uh, well, let's just say not a lot good goes on here," Buffy replied.  
"There's not much for teens to do. Our only hangout is the Bronze, and  
they've got decent bands sometimes, but it gets old. The main bad   
thing about Sunnydale is the, uh, crime. It's not a good idea to go out   
after dark on your own."  
  
"Really," Danny said, obviously surprised. "It looks like such a tame  
town."  
  
"It is until after sundown," Buffy said. "And then things get...  
interesting." *Please don't make me slay anything this week,* she  
mentally asked whatever Powers were listening. "You know, I want you   
to meet my friends." At his disappointed look, she added, "Don't worry,  
you'll get me to yourself some too."  
  
The doorbell rang, and Buffy said, "Well, obviously this isn't one of  
those times," with a shrug. She went to open the door, it was Willow   
and Oz. "Hey guys," she greeted them with a smile. "Come on in, I   
want you to meet someone."  
  
They followed her inside, where Danny was standing by the couch. "Danny,  
this is Willow and Oz. Guys, this is Danny, one of my friends from my  
last highschool. I haven't seen him since I left, two years ago.   
He decided to surprise me, with a little help from my mom."  
  
"Nice to meet you Danny," Willow said, shaking his hand. "What she  
said," Oz added, also shaking his hand.  
  
"Well, we were going to get you to come to the Bronze tonight," Willow  
said. "The Dingoes are playing. But you probably don't want to now."  
  
"I definitely plan on showing Danny the Bronze at some point," Buffy  
said. "But do you mind if we take a rain check for tonight?"  
  
"Of course not," Willow replied. "Well, we don't want to interrupt, so  
we'll go. I'm sure we'll see you around, Danny. I hope you like  
Sunnydale. There's not much to see, though."  
  
"So Buffy said, but I'm sure we'll figure something out," Danny   
replied. "I didn't come here for the town, anyway."  
  
"Stop that," Buffy said, rolling her eyes. She walked Willow and Oz to  
the door, and asked, "You guys are going to play this weekend, right?"  
  
"Yeah, you'll have two more chances to subject Danny to our ...  
singing," Oz said. "Friday and Saturday."  
  
"Good," Buffy said, "Have fun tonight, you two. And be careful."  
  
"Always," Willow replied. "Don't worry," she whispered. "I'm getting  
good at throwing things with my mind. If we get cornered, I'll just  
clear a path and we'll run for it."  
  
"First you, then Willow," Oz shook his head in mock-irritation. "Is it  
something in the water? Us guys are supposed to protect _you_."  
  
"Says who," Willow frowned. "I like being able to take care of myself.  
And it's not like I don't still need you, it just means that...."  
  
Buffy laughed as they went down the sidewalk to Oz's van. That was a  
conversation she'd heard Willow and Oz have many times. She understood  
Oz's point of view, it had to be annoying that he wasn't quite the   
hero anymore, in his eyes anyway. Buffy knew that to Willow, though, Oz   
would always be her hero.  
  
She shut the door, and turned. She jumped when she realized that Danny  
was standing right behind her. "Geez, Danny. Don't spook me, it might  
end up badly," she said. "I've been learning some self-defense skills,  
and I don't want to hurt you."  
  
Danny gave her a skeptical look. "I seriously doubt you could hurt   
me," he said, looking her up and down. "I'm a black belt in karate,  
remember." Buffy's eyes narrowed, and she put her hands on her hips.   
"Hey," Danny raised his hands in a defensive gesture, "don't get me   
wrong, I'm glad you're learning how to defend yourself. I'm just   
saying..." he trailed off as Buffy's eyes narrowed even more.  
  
"You're just saying that you think you could take me," Buffy said, a  
mischievous look in her eyes.  
  
"Now, don't start this," Danny replied. "I don't want to hurt you--"  
  
"Ha!" Buffy interrupted him. "I dare you," she challenged. "Take me  
down."  
  
"What?" Danny looked at her in shock.  
  
"Come at me and try to knock me to the floor," Buffy explained. When  
Danny still hesitated, she said, "Come on!"  
  
"You've got to be kidding me," Danny protested.  
  
"I'm not kidding," Buffy said determinedly. "I'm not asking you to   
beat me up or anything, just try to knock me off my feet."  
  
"Oookaaay," Danny said slowly. He walked toward Buffy, and she braced  
herself. He rushed her as if to grab her around the waist, but she  
dodged to the side, tripping him on his way by.  
  
He went down with a thud, and Buffy smiled with satisfaction.  
  
"What the--" Danny gave her a puzzled look. "You've got fast   
reflexes," he admitted.  
  
"Yep," Buffy agreed. "Come on, tough guy, I'm still standing," she  
teased.  
  
Danny approached her more slowly this time. They circled each other,  
each analyzing the most likely advantage. Danny grabbed for her arm   
and tried to pin it behind her back, but she surprised him by   
going dead-weight on him. He released her arm and she jumped back to   
her feet. She faced him again, and he shook his head in disbelief   
that the tiny blonde was giving him so much trouble. She moved   
slowly closer, and then suddenly kicked his legs out from under him.   
He fell to the floor on his behind. "Hey!" he yelled in shock.  
  
Buffy giggled, and reached out a hand to help him up. "Still think you  
can take me?" she asked.  
  
"Not as easily," Danny conceded, taking her hand. She pulled him to   
his feet, and he said, "But I can still take you," as he returned to sit   
on the couch.  
  
She joined him, and replied, "By the time you leave here, Danny  
Williams, I will have made you eat those words."  
  
"You just might," Danny said. "You're definitely not the same girl I  
remember from highschool."  
  
"What, you mean the snotty, spoiled-brat cheerleader?" Buffy asked  
innocently.  
  
Danny chuckled, "Now, now, I never thought of you like that."  
  
"Sure you did," Buffy said, "but that's okay," she added with a shrug.  
"My opinion of you wasn't all that high then either. I don't think I  
really appreciated you until we started writing each other after I left."  
  
Joyce chose that moment to interrupt, "Hi, I know you have a lot to  
catch up on so I'm going to get out of your way again. But I was  
wondering if you'd like to have dinner here, or if you two are going   
out for dinner. Either way it's fine with me, but it's  
almost three, and if you want dinner I'll have to start soon---"  
  
"Mom!" Buffy interrupted Joyce's nervous rambling. "Deep breath," she  
suggested. "You're not expected to be super hostess, okay? If it's   
okay with Danny we'll go out for dinner. Probably the pizza place down the  
street."  
  
"That's fine," Danny agreed. "It's food, I'll eat it."  
  
"Some things never change," Buffy said with a roll of her eyes.  
  
  
**************  
The Bronze  
8 pm  
  
"Do you think he's an ex?" Xander asked as nonchalantly as possible.   
He was not happy about the news of Buffy's visitor, and it was obvious.  
Willow suppressed a smile at his thinly-concealed jealousy. "I haven't  
got the slightest idea, Xander," she answered, trying to give her best  
friend the proper amount of attention while still watching her  
boyfriend's band up on stage. "She introduced him as a friend from  
highschool. She _was_ happy to see him though. And if his being here   
can cheer her up and take her mind off things, I'm glad he's here. And you  
should be too," she said pointedly.  
  
"I am," Xander replied not very convincingly. "If Buffy's happy,   
that's good."  
  
Willow wondered who he was trying to convince. She sighed, and turned  
her attention to him. "You always did have bad timing," she said.  
  
"Huh?" Xander gave her a puzzled look. "Not following."  
  
"Your feelings for Buffy," Willow explained.  
  
"Wha- But. I. How?" Xander stuttered.  
  
"We've been best friends for ten years, Xander," Willow rolled her   
eyes at him. "Do you think it isn't obvious to me how much you love her?   
I'm not even sure how long ago I realized it, it's been a while. What  
worries me is that she's still trying to get over having to send   
Angelus to hell, and Angel along with him. I know you can't help how you feel  
about her, I just don't want you to get hurt."  
  
"It's a little late to do anything about that," Xander admitted,   
knowing it was hopeless to argue with Willow's intuition where he was   
concerned. "Whatever happens happens. I'm not kidding myself that she'll ever   
feel the same way, though, you don't have to worry about that."  
  
"That's so not what I was implying," Willow said. "I do think it will  
take time, but I don't think it's out of the question completely--"  
  
"No," Xander cut her off. "Don't do that. It's much better for me   
_not_ to get my hopes up without reason."  
  
"Xander--"  
  
"Please, Willow. Denial's good right now."  
  
"Fine," Willow sighed. "But I don't think you're giving yourself   
enough credit. You're a great guy and --"  
  
Xander couldn't help it, he laughed. At Willow's hurt look, he  
explained, "You reminded me of someone just now. She said pretty much  
the exact same thing."  
  
"Well, if two people have said it to you, then it must be true,"   
Willow replied with a grin.  
  
"I think there's a flaw in that logic somewhere, but I'm not going to  
bother trying to point it out," Xander said. "You were always   
smarter than me, anyway, so it wouldn't work."  
  
*******************  
END Seven  



	8. Famous Last Words

********  
Monday evening  
  
Danny and Buffy were at a local Pizza place, eating dinner. "So,   
Buffy," Danny said after he'd devoured his third piece of   
pizza. "Does Sunnydale High agree with you any more than Hemery?"  
  
Buffy rolled her eyes at the memory. "Hey, so burning down the gym  
wasn't my finest moment, but it _was_ an accident."  
  
"Yeah. How was that again?" Danny asked.  
  
"Prank gone wrong," Buffy said. "I was dared to break in and steal the  
.... uh..." Buffy tried to remember what her excuse had been back   
then.  
  
"All-State Football trophy?" Danny supplied, his eyes dancing with  
laughter.  
  
"Exactly," Buffy replied. "And then I turned on one of the lights, and  
there was a power outage, so I went down to the basement to check the  
fuse box, and when I touched one of the switches, there was a spark,   
and the spark turned into a flaming mess, and I freaked out and ran."   
What had really happened was she'd lured a group of vampires into the   
gym, locked them inside and then decided to sacrifice the building   
for the good of humanity. But she wasn't about to tell Danny that.   
Ever.  
  
She looked into his eyes, and could see that he didn't believe her in  
the least. Thankfully, though, he changed the subject. "Anyway, your   
mom mentioned you were down lately when I called her last week to see   
if it was still a good time to come. I almost thought I would be more   
of a bother than a help."  
  
"You're not a bother," Buffy replied. "I haven't had a really great  
summer, that's all."  
  
When she didn't add more, he said, "And you don't want to talk about   
the bad summer. I respect that. If there's anything I can do for you,   
I'm here."  
  
"I know you are," Buffy said. "You're doing me a lot of good just   
being here. Taking my mind of the normal Buffy-stuff, believe me it's   
the best kind of way to cheer me up."  
  
"Good," Danny said. "So you wanna go for a walk?"  
  
"Uh, that's not a good idea," Buffy said. "Remember what I said about  
the crime problem in Sunnydale?"  
  
"Something tells me that between my black-belt and your.... self-  
defense skills, we can handle the bad guys," Danny replied.  
  
*That's what you think*  
  
Against her better judgement though, Buffy agreed. "Okay, fine," she  
shrugged. "But we'll stay in the better-lit areas."  
  
"Fine with me," Danny replied. He put some money on the table, and cut  
off Buffy's protest. "No arguing. Let me treat tonight. I get the  
feeling that if Joyce still cooks as much as she used to, this won't  
even begin to make us even."  
  
Buffy sighed, but said, "Okay, but we'll rent movies tomorrow, and  
they're on me. Deal?"  
  
"Deal," Danny said with a smile and followed her outside.  
  
  
***********  
  
"I don't get what you were so worried about," Danny said.  
  
Famous last words.  
  
Well, almost.  
  
"Hey!" was actually the famous last word he uttered as the demon   
rushed him.  
  
"Why can't you leave me alone when I'm trying to enjoy a normal   
evening with a friend?" Buffy questioned as she pulled Mr. Pointy out   
of her purse and tossed the purse on the ground. "Okay, done playing   
now?" she asked, pulling the slime demon off Danny. "I'm the one you   
were _really_ interested in, right?" she taunted.  
  
The demon growled in reply, and Buffy staked him quickly. *They aren't  
known for their intelligence, thank God* she thought as she   
contemplated the body. *Way too many of the non-poofing bodies   
lately* she wrinkled her nose in disgust. *I'm _not_ doing burial   
detail right now.*  
  
She reached out a hand to help her shocked friend to his feet. He  
ignored her hand, instead asking, "What was that, and what is that?"  
first pointing to the demon and then to the stake in Buffy's hand.  
  
Buffy sighed in resignation, and sat on the ground next to him. "It's   
a long story, Danny. Not even one you really want to understand   
completely I'm sure. That is a slime demon. And this is a stake,   
which is one of the few ways to kill them."  
  
"How?"  
  
Buffy didn't know what he was asking exactly, but she chose to answer  
all possibilities. "It's just one of the more-colorful things about  
Sunnydale," Buffy replied. "Demons like this town, and don't seem to  
have any intention of finding another. I know it's bizarre, but when  
it's something you live with every day, you get used to it. You learn  
what items to use to kill them, and then you start carrying those   
items to stay alive."  
  
She hoped he would be happy with this explanation, and he seemed to   
be. Either that or he was in too much shock to ask a lot of   
questions. "Oh," he said. "Can we go home now?"  
  
Buffy laughed. "Yes," she answered, standing and helping him to his   
feet as well. "You can't say I didn't warn you. Sure, I didn't get   
into details, but that's beside the point."  
  
"Uh-huh," was all Danny could manage, still contemplating the fact   
that he'd been tackled by a demon.  
  
**********  
"You can go on up to my room," Buffy said as they entered the   
house. "I need to make a quick phone call, and I'll be right there."  
  
She walked into the kitchen, where her mom was cleaning up the   
kitchen. "Hey, mom. So guess what? Poor Danny got attacked by a Slime   
Demon."  
  
"Is he okay? And is that what it sounds like?" Joyce asked with a   
frown.  
  
"Danny's fine, and pretty much, except worse," Buffy   
answered. "Anyway, I didn't tell him about the Slayer aspect, but I   
did explain that demons like Sunnydale."  
  
"Why didn't you tell him?"  
  
"Because I was breaking the rules telling you, Xander, and Willow,"  
Buffy said. "The more people who know, the more dangerous it is for  
them. Besides, Danny's going back to L.A. soon, and I don't want him   
to worry about me." She went to the refrigerator to get herself and   
Danny some cokes, and added, "I don't think I mentioned it earlier,   
but thanks for inviting him. It's great to have a chance to catch up   
with him and pretend to be a normal girl, for a little while anyway."  
  
"I'm just glad it's cheered you up, Honey," Joyce replied with a   
smile.  
"It's what I was hoping for."  
  
Buffy picked up the phone and dialed Willow's number. "Hey, Willow. I  
was hoping you'd be there. I'm sorry to ask this, but there's a slime  
demon in the park on 5th street.... Yes, it's dead.... Yes, I mean  
dead-dead. It attacked me and Danny...well mostly Danny.... Yeah. I   
left out the Slayer part, but I told him demons like Sunnydale....   
Other than general shock, he'll survive.... Thanks so much Will, I   
was hoping I could count on you guys for demon-disposal....Bye!"  
  
She went back to the stairway to see that Danny was coming down again.  
"Hey, I was coming up."  
  
"I think I need to change," Danny said. "I smell like...whatever that  
was. Would you be upset if we called it a night?"  
  
"No, of course not," Buffy said. "Where are you staying?"  
  
"I've got a friend who's going to UC Sunnydale, and he's there for  
summer term. So he asked me to stay with him."  
  
"Good, I'd hate for you to stay in a hotel. In fact, I wouldn't allow  
it."  
  
"Can I call you tomorrow?" Danny asked as she walked him to the door.  
  
"Definitely," Buffy smiled at him. "See you later."  
  
************  
  
End Eight  



	9. Jealousy

*********  
Buffy found Willow, Oz and Xander burying the slime demon in a nearby  
cemetery. "Hey, guys. I didn't know Danny would leave so soon, or I  
wouldn't have called you for burial duty." She helped Xander and Oz   
dump the demon into the hole in the ground that they had dug.  
  
"So when are you going to give us the scoop on Danny?" Willow asked.  
  
"All you had to do was ask," Buffy answered with a smile. "There's not  
much to tell. We went to Hemery together, he was the highschool   
football quarterback, I was the head cheerleader. No big surprise   
that we dated for a while. Then I burned down the school gym and mom   
and dad wigged out on me. Next thing I knew, mom and I were moving to   
Sunnydale, and dad was staying in L.A. filing the divorce papers. I   
broke it off with Danny before I left. We've written each other since   
then, and he's a good friend. Anything else I've neglected to   
mention?" she asked.  
  
"No, I think that answers all possible questions," Willow said with a  
grin.  
  
"Done," Xander said as he patted the last bit of soil back down. "Look  
obvious?" Willow noticed the change in his mood, caused by mention of  
Buffy's friend. She looked at Buffy, and didn't think that she had  
noticed.  
  
"Well, it's a cemetery, but how much attention can they pay to the  
number of graves in it?" Oz asked.  
  
"I think it's fine. At least the demon's not laying there waiting to  
scare the living daylights out of the first early-morning jogger,"   
Buffy said. "And did I mention thanks, guys?"  
  
"No problem," Willow said. "And I told Giles that you wouldn't be   
doing any obvious slaying until Danny was gone."  
  
"Thanks, Will," Buffy replied. "How much more do I have to ask from   
you guys?"  
  
"Did you have fun?" Willow asked.  
  
"Yeah, I did," Buffy said.  
  
"Then any slaying or demon burial we have to do is worth it, just for  
that reason alone," Willow replied.  
  
"I love you," Buffy said impulsively, and hugged Willow. "All of you.  
And I'll make it up to you guys," she promised as she left for her  
house.  
  
"Xan..." Willow trailed off as she realized that Xander had left   
without saying a word.  
  
**********  
Thursday  
Xander's House  
  
Willow found Xander in his room. She had knocked on the door, but had  
entered when he hadn't answered. He was sitting on his bed, staring at  
the television. He looked up as she walked down the stairs. "Hey," he  
said.  
  
"Hey. I was wondering what you were doing tonight?" Willow asked.  
  
"You're looking at the extent of my plans," Xander shrugged.  
  
"The TV's not on," she said with a frown.  
  
"I'm making up my own entertainment," Xander replied, not looking at  
her.  
  
"He'll be gone soon," Willow said as she sat on the bed next to him.  
  
"That's nice," Xander said indifferently.  
  
"Have you even gone to see her this week?" Willow questioned.  
  
"Don't want to bother her," Xander replied.  
  
"You're her friend, Xander," Willow said, hitting him on the arm.  
  
"Ow!" Xander looked at her in surprise. "So what's your point?" he  
asked, rubbing his arm.  
  
"That you wouldn't be bothering her," Willow said in   
exasperation. "She likes having you around."  
  
"Maybe, but with Danny here, they don't need a third wheel."  
  
"Xanderrrr," Willow said, and then giggled as he moved away from her  
reach. "I wasn't going to hit you again. Fine, if you're going to be  
that way about it, I suppose I can't stop you. Oz and I are going to  
hang out at my place tonight and watch movies. Do you want to come?"  
  
"Third wheel again," Xander replied, shaking his head.  
  
"You're _not_ a third wheel!" Willow yelled, irritated now. "And you  
_are_ going to come over to watch movies. That's an order." She gave  
Xander her 'resolved' face, and he chose not to argue.  
  
"Fine, when do you want me to come over, and do you want me to bring  
anything?"  
  
"You could stop and get ice cream on your way over," Willow suggested.  
  
"Fine, I could use a sugar rush to improve my mood," Xander agreed.  
  
"By the way," Willow said, from the stairway. "Buffy wants us to meet  
her and Danny at the Bronze tomorrow."  
  
"Do I have to?" Xander whined.  
  
"Yes!" he heard Willow yell before she shut the door behind her.  
  
  
*********  



	10. Complications

****************  
Friday,  
Buffy's House  
  
Buffy and Danny were in her room. She was putting the last touches on  
her makeup before they left for the Bronze. He was pacing, impatiently  
waiting for her to finish. He finally sat on her bed, and   
asked, "Buffy, could we talk about something?"  
  
*I was afraid of that* "Sure, about what?" she asked.  
  
"Well, I've been thinking," Danny said. "Spending time with you this  
past week has reminded me of back at Hemery. It's been just like old  
times. We had fun, didn't we?"  
  
"Sure we did," Buffy shrugged. "Why would you ask that?"  
  
"Well, have you ever wondered what would've happened if we'd stayed  
together?"  
  
"Um, yeah. I think that's normal, though."  
  
"And?"  
  
"Danny, it wouldn't have worked," Buffy said. "It still wouldn't," she  
added. "We did have good times, but a lot of _what_ we were was   
because of _who_ we were back then. We were expected to date, Danny,   
so we did. And I'm not saying it was all for show, of course it   
wasn't. I did care about you, and I know you cared about me. But we   
were both really young and I don't think either of us knew what love   
was back then."  
  
"Maybe not, but I think we've grown up a lot. Don't you think there's   
a chance we could give us another try?"  
  
*I hate this part* "Danny, when you mentioned the other night about   
how I was down lately, well, there's a good reason for that. When I   
came to Sunnydale, I met someone. His name was Angel. We dated for a   
while. He died about a month ago."  
  
"Wow," Danny said. "Buffy, I'm so sorry."  
  
"I loved him, and I still do," she continued. "But that's just one of  
the reasons that we can't be together. I don't want you to think you  
should wait for me, because it won't do any good. I need you to  
understand that what we had is over. It's no good to try to bring it  
back. What we have now is a really good friendship, and it means alot   
to me. I hope you can be okay with that."  
  
Danny looked at her sadly for a few moments, before replying. "Well, I  
guess that answers that question. Thank you for being brutally honest  
with me, though."  
  
"I'm sorry. The last thing I want to do is hurt you," Buffy said  
earnestly.  
  
Danny smiled at her. "I'll live. We could do a whole lot worse than  
'Just Friends'. I just want you to be happy."  
  
"I'm working on it," Buffy said honestly. So you ready to go?"  
  
"Yeah," she said, smiling at him. "Let's go."  
  
************  
Friday Night  
  
"I still don't see why I have to be here," Xander muttered. "Ow!" he  
added, as Willow kicked him in the shin.  
  
"Because Buffy asked, silly. She wants Danny to meet all of us, and   
vice versa," Willow replied. "Oz and I met him earlier this week,   
he's a really nice guy."  
  
"So you said," Xander said morosely. "Wills, stop doing that!" he  
frowned and scooted his chair away so she couldn't kick him again.  
  
"I would if you'd stop moping!" she returned. "He's leaving tomorrow,  
will you at least _try_ to be civil to him?"  
  
"Civil? I'm always civil," Xander shrugged. At Willow's skeptical  
expression, he added, "Hey, the last one was deadboy, remember? I'll   
be civil to liveboy, I promise." He saw Buffy and the boy he could   
only assume was Danny approaching.  
  
*Gag me now. Perfect blond hair, he's the all-American boy. I bet he's  
even got perfect teeth. This is just too much.* Xander tried to smile,  
not wanting to spoil the evening for Buffy.  
  
"Hi, guys," Buffy greeted her friends with a warm smile. "Danny,   
you've met Oz and Willow, and this is Xander," she introduced them.  
  
A competitive look passed between Danny and Xander that Buffy didn't  
catch, since she was occupied by talking to Willow about   
something. "Hi, Danny, nice to meet you," Xander offered his hand in   
a handshake, giving what he hoped was a genuine-looking smile. *Ow*   
he added mentally, as Danny chose to demonstrate his strength through   
the handshake.  
  
"Same here," Danny replied, with a smile of his own. Xander watched   
with not a small amount of irritation as Danny put his arm around   
Buffy's shoulders possessively. Danny then asked Buffy to dance, and   
the two walked onto the dance floor.  
  
"Can I go now?" Xander begged.  
  
"No," Willow said. "Try to have fun, for Buffy's sake?"  
  
"Fine," Xander sighed. "This is me, having fun." He looked over at the  
dancing couple, and was sorry immediately. Buffy was laughing, and it  
looked as if they were having a wonderful time. *That's great* Xander  
tried to convince himself. *Buffy deserves a little happiness.*  
  
******  
Buffy and Danny started dancing, and at some point, Buffy looked over   
at her other friends. Willow and Oz looked happy enough, but Xander,   
on the other hand....*He looks like a lost puppy dog* Buffy thought.   
*What's with him?*  
  
Buffy was pulled away from her musings by the need to reign Danny in.  
His hands had wandered away from her waist, and she stopped that  
activity with a simple look. "Sorry," he shrugged, and she rolled her  
eyes in response.  
  
*I've got you figured out,* she thought. It took me a few, but you're  
_trying_ to irritate Xander! Which is silly, since he's nothing but a  
friend. ... It is silly, right?* She looked over at Xander, and the  
expression on his face made her uncertain as to the answer.  
  
************  
End of 10  



	11. Clearing Up Misunderstandings

*********  
Saturday Morning, 6 am  
  
Buffy had met Danny early to see him off. She returned to her house,   
and was surprised to see her mom already awake and making   
breakfast. "What on earth are you doing up already? And on a   
Saturday?" Buffy questioned.  
  
"I'd ask you the same question, but I already know the answer," Joyce  
replied. "So Danny's gone?"  
  
"Yeah, he wanted to get an early start. He'll get maybe half the way   
to New York today, if he's lucky."  
  
"I don't want to be nosy," Joyce started, and at Buffy's 'you've got   
to be kidding me' look, smiled.  
  
"Okay, so I do," Joyce admitted. "I'll just ask, and you can tell me  
it's none of my business if you want. Is that fair?"  
  
"Fine," Buffy shrugged. She poured herself a cup of coffee and sat at  
the table.  
  
"I suppose it's not a secret to you as to why I invited Danny here,"  
Joyce said.  
  
"I knew there was more than a 'cheer up Buffy' intent, if that's what  
you're saying," Buffy replied, nodding.  
  
"Am I really that transparent?" Joyce asked, curiously.  
  
"Only to the people who know you well," Buffy said.  
  
"Well, I always felt bad about how things in L.A. ended," Joyce said,  
sitting at the table across  
  
from her daughter with two plates of bacon and omelets. "I felt like I  
pulled you and Danny apart."  
  
"You didn't," Buffy said. "We wouldn't have stayed together, mom, even  
if I'd never left. Don't misunderstand, he was a great boyfriend, but   
we were really young. It was a highschool romance, and most of those   
end."  
  
"You've gotten very wise in the last two years," Joyce said in  
amazement. "I admire that in you. But somewhere along the line you   
lost the happy, carefree attitude you used to have. And I'm not   
talking about just in the past month."  
  
"Slayers are forced to grow up fast," Buffy replied. "It's not   
something you can avoid, when you see so much death and suffering.   
So, no, I don't see the world as a happy, wonderful place anymore.   
But I'm trying to figure out how to be happy again, mom. You don't   
need to worry about that. I know you will anyway, but I'm on record   
telling you to stop, okay?"  
  
"I get it," Joyce said with a smile. "And you're right, I won't stop  
worrying, but I'll try to keep it to a minimum."  
  
"Good," Buffy said, and yawned suddenly. "I think I'll go back to bed  
for a few hours," she said, getting up from the table and returning to  
her room.  
  
***********  
  
1 pm  
  
Xander heard a knock at the door at the top of the stairs. "Come in,"   
he yelled.  
  
"You know, I'd have to smack you upside the head if it was after  
sundown," Buffy said, walking down the stairs. "Please tell me that   
you don't make a habit of inviting unknown visitors in at night?"  
  
"I don't," Xander said. "I am surprised to see you here."  
  
"You shouldn't be," Buffy said with a frown. She came to stand in   
front of her, hands on her hips in a gesture of disapproval.  
  
"What?" Xander asked defensively. "What did I do?"  
  
"It's what you didn't do," Buffy explained. "And I guess I've been   
busy with Danny, cuz I didn't realize it until today. I haven't seen   
you all week, except for yesterday. And then, I look over after I'd   
been dancing with Danny for thirty minutes, and you were gone. Willow   
said you had something you had to do, which was vague enough to cause   
suspicion. Xan, did I do something to tick you off that I'm unaware   
of?" she asked.  
  
"Oh," Xander said, relieved that it wasn't anything more   
serious. "It's nothing like that, really. I just felt like I was in   
the way. What with you and Danny," Xander shrugged.  
  
"You wouldn't have been in the way at any time this past week,   
Xander," Buffy said, sitting next to him. "And you most certainly   
were not in the way last night. I like having you around," she said,   
unknowingly echoing Willow's sentiment of earlier that week. "You're   
my friend, very quickly becoming my best friend. You've always been   
there when I needed you. As for me and Danny..." she sighed. "He's   
_just_ a friend. A fact I had to establish again, unfortunately. So I   
doubt I'll be seeing him for a while. We're still going to keep in   
touch by letters like we always have."  
  
Xander hoped it wasn't obvious that he was mentally doing the  
happy-dance. He was so relieved that Buffy and Danny weren't getting  
back together. *How awful is that? I shouldn't be happy about this.   
She deserves some happiness.*  
  
"Hello," Buffy broke into his thoughts, waving her hand in front of   
his face. "Where'd you go?"  
  
"Just thinking," Xander shrugged. "So what are you doing tonight?"  
  
"Well, I feel the need to do some patrolling, but then I don't know.   
Not the Bronze, I think I'm getting sick of it."  
  
"We could come back here and just hang out. Movies or whatever,"   
Xander suggested. "Willow and Oz too, of course. That sound good?"  
  
"Sure," Buffy agreed. "I don't suppose you want to join me for patrol?  
Or have I convinced you and the others that I can handle it?"  
  
"Um, how do I say no without getting beat up?" Xander asked.  
  
"I won't beat you up," Buffy rolled her eyes at him. "I'll leave that   
to the demons," she added with a grin.  
  
"One of these days I'll surprise you," Xander protested.  
  
"Mm-hm, sure you will, Xander," Buffy replied. "Well, meet me at   
Giles' tonight before sundown?"  
  
"Sure," Xander agreed.  
  
"See ya then," Buffy smiled at him, and went back upstairs.  
  
*******  
End of 11  



	12. Boring

**********  
  
"Giles, there's been nothing seriously evil going on for a month now,"  
Buffy said. "What, should we be worried there's a big sinister plan in  
the making?"  
  
"That's always a possibility," Giles agreed from his spot at the table  
behind a stack of books. "But remember that Spike and Drusilla are   
gone. And Spike always did love to stir up trouble. I suggest you just enjoy the relative peace while it lasts."  
  
"Okay, but I've just got this feeling that something big is coming,"  
Buffy replied.  
  
"Really," Giles looked up from his book, a curious expression on his  
face. "What kind of feeling?"  
  
"I can't define it," Buffy said with a sigh. "It's what I call my  
spider-sense, you know?"  
  
At Giles blank look, Xander supplied, "You know, Giles, it's a  
pop-culture reference? ... Spiderman???"  
  
"I see," Giles nodded, but he obviously didn't. "Well, if you can give  
me something more to go on than a feeling, Buffy, I'll be glad to  
research it. But as it is--"  
  
"I know, you can't do anything if you don't know what the bad is,"   
Buffy said. "Well, I'll just do the standard patrol. But if I don't find anything unusual, do I have to check in?"  
  
"You don't have to come by, but I would appreciate a call at the very  
least, so I don't worry," Giles replied.  
  
"Fine," Buffy said. "Come on Xander, I want to find some demons to  
kill."  
  
*********  
9 pm  
One of many cemeteries  
  
"This is boring," Buffy complained. "Here, demon, demon, demon," she  
called playfully.  
  
"Don't do that," Xander said nervously. "Just because you slay them,  
doesn't mean you have to call them to you!"  
  
"Fraidy-cat," Buffy taunted.  
  
"Yes. Yes, I am!" Xander replied. "And that's how I've stayed alive so  
long. Well, that, and because I let you save my life anytime you're  
around."  
  
"You can't expect that I'll always be there to--Oomph!" Buffy was cut  
off by the large demon that tackled her. "Get off," she muttered, and  
finally managed to get an uppercut to the demon's jaw, knocking him   
off her.  
  
"Hey!" Buffy heard Xander, and then saw Xander go down as the demon  
tackled him next.  
  
"What is this, demon football training?" Buffy said in   
irritation. "Get off!" she said for the second time that night. She   
had run over to the two struggling forms, and pulled the demon off   
Xander.  
  
*It's a Chaos demon* she realized. *Great, those are hard to kill* To  
her surprise, the Chaos demon pulled away, got to his feet and   
ran. "Oh, no you don't!" she yelled. She ran after the creature as   
fast as she could. She saw it duck into a wooded area, and followed.  
  
She heard Xander call after her, and she stopped and looked back. She  
didn't see him anywhere, and she didn't want to lose the   
demon. "Sorry, Xander," Buffy said. "Hopefully you're out of danger   
since I'm after the Chaos Demon." As she reached a clearing, she   
scanned the area for the demon. "Oh, that's where I am," Buffy   
realized as she saw Angel's Mansion twenty feet to the right of   
her. "Damn demon got me turned around with his running through the   
woods." She heard footfalls behind her, and turned, whipping a knife   
out of her pocket.  
  
"Whoa there, I come in peace," Xander panted, and doubled over, trying  
to catch his breath.  
  
"Where'd it go?" Buffy asked, scanning the area again.  
  
"You don't think it's in there, do you?" Xander suggested, indicating  
the mansion.  
  
"It might be," Buffy agreed, but made no move to find out.  
  
"Well, don't you think we should go in and see?" Xander pressed.  
  
Buffy hesitated, looking at the building. *I haven't been in there  
since... Slayer duties, Buffy, remember, you have to prove you can  
handle things again.* She nodded slowly. "'Kay. Let's go. And this   
time see if you can keep up," she teased.  
  
"Hey, only you and the demons can run that fast," Xander protested as   
he followed her into the Mansion.  
  
Buffy wrinkled her nose as she walked in. The Chaos Demon was there,   
all right, along with several of his friends. She could smell them.   
{More than one} she mouthed to Xander, who nodded that he understood.   
He pulled a hunting knife out of his pocket, ready for the coming   
attack. {Stay near the exits. Don't let them corner you} Buffy   
mouthed again. At his nod, she turned her attention back to locating   
the current residents of the house.  
  
She didn't have to wait long, as five of them rushed the Slayer at   
once. She kicked one in the stomach, sending him flying, then turned   
to the next, punching him in the...well, face if you could call it   
that. She heard the cracking of bones, and smiled with satisfaction.   
As the demon put his hands to his face instinctively, she knifed him   
in the heart.  
  
*One* she thought as he vanished in a cloud of dust. She saw out of   
the corner of an eye that Xander was dealing with the one she had   
sent flying. As she held the other three off, she stopped long enough   
to satisfy herself that he was handling it, and didn't need her   
immediate assistance.  
  
She turned and swiped at her nearest adversary with her knife, making  
him jump back and give her more room. She grabbed one of the remaining  
ones by the arm, pulled it over her shoulder, and using her body   
weight sent it onto its back behind her. While he was momentarily   
disoriented, and the other was laughing at his predicament, she   
leaned down to knife him too in the heart.  
  
Almost.  
  
She yelled in anger as the demon she had forgotten about grabbed her   
by her collar and pulled her back, throwing her against the far wall.   
This time she heard her bones crack, as her left shoulder hit the   
wall at a bad angle. She stifled a cry, steeling herself against the   
pain.  
  
"Buffy!" she heard Xander yell. He finally managed to find the chaos  
demon's heart and stab him there. He rushed over to her, as the last   
two demons were approaching her from the other side. "I heard that   
sound, you okay?" he asked worriedly as he offered a hand to help.  
  
She gave him her right hand, and said, "Dislocated shoulder," through  
gritted teeth as he helped her up. "Let's finish this." She walked to  
the two demons. "All right. Which one of you gained me another trip to  
the hospital? Never mind, you both irritate me," she shrugged as she  
flew at the both of them.  
  
She threw her knife, and it landed on target in the heart of one of   
the demons. As he vanished in a cloud of dust, she reached the other   
and punched him hard knocking him off his feet. He tripped her, and   
she scooped up her knife and turned onto her back as he leaped at   
her. *I hope he lands right* was her only thought, followed by a sigh   
of relief as he did.  
  
She slowly sat up, brushing the demon dust off her clothing.  
  
"That was impressive," Xander said, as he walked over to help her up  
again. "Now like you said, it's to the hospital to get that shoulder   
set." He pulled her to her feet, and said, "You didn't really need my   
help after all, I guess."  
  
"That's not true," Buffy protested. "You did kill....um, one of them."  
  
"Yay me," Xander said sarcastically. "Somehow I think I got the   
weakling of the pack. Or herd. Or whatever it is that demons travel   
in."  
  
Buffy giggled, and said, "Most are loners, except when they have a  
common interest. This one being to kill the Slayer."  
  
"Which just happened to be an incredibly stupid common interest,"   
Xander replied. "That was a demon massacre. I'm a little surprised   
their hideout was here, though."  
  
"Makes sense," Buffy shrugged. "It's abandoned, and out of the way.   
And it's not like I make a habit of checking the place out at standard  
intervals. Guess I have to add this to my list of patrol places."  
  
"Yeah, well, do we go to Giles' place first, or the hospital?"  
  
"The screaming pain in my shoulder tells me Giles can come to me for   
my nightly report," Buffy replied, as she cradled her left arm   
gingerly.  
  
"You're the boss," Xander shrugged as he followed her out.  
  
*****  
  
End of 12 


	13. Dealing

Sunnydale Hospital  
10 pm  
  
Xander had called Giles, Willow, Oz, and Buffy's mom for her. Giles,  
Willow and Oz arrived first. "Buffy, are you okay?" Giles asked, a  
worried expression on his face.  
  
"Fine," Buffy nodded. "The doctor very kindly put my shoulder back   
into its rightful place. Where did those Chaos demons come from? I   
thought they didn't like Sunnydale that much."  
  
"They're not known to be in the places where many other species of  
demons reside," Giles agreed. "I'm not sure why they chose to come   
here, except obviously to try to kill you. I think you killed all of   
them, though. Oz, Willow, and I went back to the Mansion to be sure,   
and we didn't find any."  
  
"Good," Buffy said. "What a night."  
  
"Well, I'll let you rest now," Giles said. "I hope you'll come by the  
apartment so we can start your training again soon?"  
  
"First thing tomorrow," Buffy promised. "I'll be a one-armed Slayer   
for a while, but I can manage."  
  
"I'm quite sure you can," Giles said. As he left, Joyce walked in, in  
full panic-mode. "Buffy! Are you okay?" she rushed over to her   
daughter.  
  
"Don't hug!" Buffy warned, holding out her good hand to stop her   
mom. "I had a dislocated shoulder. It's been re-located, but it still   
hurts. Doctor said I could go home, though."  
  
Joyce breathed a sigh of relief, and said, "Fine, I'll take you home."  
  
"Bye, guys," Buffy said. "I'll see you tomorrow. Thanks for coming   
along Xander, no matter what you think, you did help," she added. She   
and Joyce then left to go home.  
  
After they had gone, Willow turned to Xander. "How's she doing?"  
  
"She did good tonight," Xander nodded. "Reminded me of our Slayer."  
  
"So you think things are getting easier for her?" Willow asked.  
  
"I don't know," Xander shrugged. "It's not like she talks about it. I  
think she's dealing the best she can. I guess that's the best we can  
hope for."  
  
****  
Two Hours Later  
  
Buffy was lying on her bed in her room, staring at the wall. Being in  
the Mansion had upset her more than she'd wanted to let on to anyone  
else. She knew why the Chaos Demons had holed up in the place, it was  
because she wouldn't have ever gone in there willingly. In fact, if  
Xander hadn't been with her, she probably would have let the demon get  
away.  
  
"Real good, Buffy, you're turning into quite a wimp," she muttered.  
  
She sighed, and rolled over, turning off her CD player. Tonight, she   
was not in the mood for Chris Isaak. She raised an eyebrow at the   
knock on her door. *I thought I told her I just wanted some time to   
myself*  
  
"Not, now, Mom!" she yelled.  
  
"Uh, last I checked, I wasn't her," she heard Xander's voice from the  
other side of the door.  
  
She giggled, and walked over, opening the door. "Definitely not," she  
agreed, with a smile. She hugged him, which surprised him, but he   
hugged her back. "What are you doing here?" she asked as she pulled   
away again.  
  
"Well, I figured you wouldn't remember our plan for movies, so I took  
the chance and brought the movies to you," he shrugged.  
  
He handed her the two movies he'd chosen, and she rolled her   
eyes. "Dumb and Dumber? And Ace Ventura Pet Detective?"  
  
"Laughing is a good thing," Xander replied.  
  
"I guess you figured out my mood, as always," Buffy said. "Fine, let's  
go downstairs. I don't want to be alone right now, anyway."  
  
Xander followed her into the den, and she curled up on the couch,  
pulling her legs up next to her, and leaning with her good shoulder  
against one of the arms. Xander sat next to her, and aske, "How's the  
shoulder feel?"  
  
"I'm on pain-killers so I don't feel a thing," she said. She attempted  
to shrug, and winced, "Ouch. Check that. I'll have to remember not to  
shrug for a while."  
  
"How are you doing?" Xander asked.  
  
Buffy understood the question. "I won't pretend it didn't throw me   
being back there," she said slowly. "But I'm okay. I'm dealing."  
  
"If you need anything--"  
  
"I don't," Buffy cut him off. Then she gave him an apologetic look,  
realizing she'd sounded harsher than she'd intended. "Sorry, I do  
appreciate the offer, Xan. But I'm fine. This is me being fine."  
  
Xander sighed in resignation, having discovered in the past month that  
it was no good to push the issue. "Okay, just know that I'm here."  
  
"I do," Buffy said with a smile. "Now shut up and watch the movie,"   
she added, with a grin.  
  
"Yes, ma'am," Xander replied, grinning back at her.  
  
Two hours later, Xander looked over at Buffy and wasn't surprised to   
see that she was sound asleep. He turned the TV off and   
stood. "G'nite, Buff," he murmured, taking a folded quilt off the   
back of the couch and placing it over her gently. He lingered for a   
moment, brushing a lock of her blond hair back from her face. "Sweet   
dreams," he added, before he left.  
  
********  



	14. Time Out

Giles' Apartment  
Wednesday, July 1  
  
Willow and Oz entered to find Buffy and Giles training. At the moment  
they were sword-fighting. Xander was sitting on the couch. "Well, at  
least it was your left arm that got hurt," Willow said to   
Buffy. "How's it feeling?"  
  
Buffy looked at her injured arm briefly. "Doesn't hurt as much as it  
did. You wanna know what's a real pain lately? My mother. She's   
wigged, seriously. So wigged that I had to ask Giles for a non-Slay   
evening tonight to try to help her un-wig." Buffy succeeded in   
knocking the sword out Giles' hand, and put her sword on the table,   
after grinning at the gang triumphantly. She went into Giles' kitchen   
to get herself a bottled water, and sat down on the couch next to   
Xander. "I know I asked this earlier, Giles, and I guess we never   
really got around to it. But could you possibly talk to her about the   
Slaying?"  
  
"If you think it would help, of course I will," Giles replied.  
  
"Good, which brings me to the other reason I'm here. Mom wants to do   
the July 4th thing Saturday. Burgers, hotdogs, the whole sickening   
fun event. Of course, we want you all to join us. So?"  
  
"Definitely," Willow said, and Oz nodded his approval.  
  
"Food? I'll come," Xander shrugged.  
  
"Giles?"  
  
"Me? Well, er, uh, I suppose I could do that," he said.  
  
"Good," Buffy smiled at him. "I know it's not a British fun-day, but   
I'd love it if you were there with us. Tomorrow around five-ish,   
okay?" She stood, checking her watch, "Well, like I said earlier,   
tonight's girls' night with me and mom. I'll see you guys later."  
  
  
***********  
Saturday, July 4  
  
Buffy jumped up to get the door. "Hi, Giles," she greeted her Watcher.  
"You're the last of the guests. Come on out back," she led him to the  
back yard, where Xander had apparently been drafted to grill the  
hamburgers and hotdogs, and Joyce was rushing around playing the  
hostess.  
  
"Don't hurt yourself," Buffy teased Xander with a grin.  
  
"Hey, I'll have you know that this is one of the few things I can do  
without screwing up," Xander replied.  
  
"So who got the firecrackers and stuff?" Buffy asked.  
  
"Right here," Oz said, holding up a bag of goodies.  
  
"Buffy, those are not legal in the city," Giles said with an   
expression of disapproval.  
  
"Oh, please. Like the cops don't have anything better to do?" Buffy  
replied. When Giles had no response, she said, "Fine then. I want  
fireworks, I get fireworks." She foldied her arms in front of her   
chest, daring them to argue. She smiled when they didn't, and settled   
on a lawn chair near Willow. Oz sat on the grass next to Willow, and   
Buffy smiled when she saw them exchange an adoring look. *I remember   
that look* she thought. *Stop that,* she reprimanded herself then,   
*No moping tonight. That's an order.*  
  
"This is exactly what I needed," she said. "To hang out with my   
friends, and relax for once. No demons to kill, just fun to have."   
She looked over to see that Giles and her mom were talking a few feet   
away, and she breathed a sigh of relief. "Good, maybe he'll help her   
deal," she added.  
  
"I think she's doing surprisingly well with the situation," Willow   
said. "I mean, I don't think that's something any parent is prepared   
to hear from their kid: 'Hi, mom and dad, I'm a demon Slayer.'"  
  
"Dad's not going to find out," Buffy replied. "He doesn't need any   
more to worry about. But I guess you're right, the way I told her   
wasn't that tactful. I just didn't have time, what with Spike and..."   
she trailed off, and Willow didn't push. Xander had already explained   
to them the deal Buffy had made with Spike that evening.  
  
"So, Oz, will you be in charge of the pyrotechnics when it gets dark?"  
Buffy broke the silence eventually.  
  
"Sure," Oz replied.  
  
"What if one of them lands on the house?" Giles asked, him and Joyce  
rejoining the group.  
  
"It's not gonna burn it down, Giles," Buffy said, rolling her eyes.  
"They're just the little ones, the little rockets that go up and then  
come back down eventually. And some sparklers and stuff. Relax, okay?"  
  
Giles responded with an exasperated look, and found another lawn chair  
to join the group.  
  
"Dinner's ready," Xander volunteered and then stepped back as the   
hungry stampede approached. "Okay, then. You all just serve   
yourselves," he chuckled.  
  
*****  
8 pm  
  
Buffy had gone 6-year-old on all of them. She was walking around   
waving a sparkler and giggling happily. She looked up as Oz started   
setting off the firecrackers. She noticed the attention of the group   
was on her then, and she said, "What? I'm not allowed to have a   
little silly fun? It's what the Fourth is all about."  
  
"I agree," Willow said, smiling at her. "We're just glad to see you  
happy for once. I guess we all needed some laid-back time, but we know  
you needed it the most."  
  
"It is nice to just relax for a while," Buffy said, as she returned to  
her chair. "But we all know it won't last for long, the demons won't  
allow that."  
  
"Do we _have_ to talk about those awful things?" Joyce asked,   
shivering at the thought.  
  
"No, we don't _have_ to, but 'those awful things' are a major part of   
my life, Mom," Buffy said. "You can ignore that all you want, but that  
won't make it go away."  
  
"We can ignore them for tonight though," Willow said, trying to keep   
the peace.  
  
"Fine with me," Buffy said. "Let's enjoy the evening."  
  
*****************  



	15. Empty

Something has left my life  
And I don't know where it went to  
Somebody caused me strife  
And it's not what I was seeking.  
Didn't you see me, didn't you hear me  
Didn't you see me standing there  
Why did you turn out the lights  
Did you know that I was sleeping  
Say a prayer for me  
Help me to feel the strength I did  
My identity has been taken  
Is my heart breaking on me  
All my plans fell though my hands  
They fell  
Though my hands on me  
All my dreams, it suddenly seems  
Empty  
(Empty - Cranberries)  
  
****  
One week Later  
Friday Night, 10 pm  
  
Buffy had felt herself drawn to the Mansion ever since the night a   
week ago, when she'd been there with Xander fighting the Chaos Demons.  
Tonight, she'd spent the evening with the gang at Willow's house, and  
then Xander had walked her home. After he'd left, she'd decided to go   
to the Mansion, even though she didn't quite understanding why. "I'll   
be back," she told her mom as she went back out.  
  
She walked down the street with her stake handy. She hadn't been out  
alone yet at night since the night she'd gotten beaten by the vampire,  
and knew that situation had probably been broadcast to the entire  
population of the hellmouth. She expected to at least be confronted   
by a demon. Amazingly, not a single hell-creature stopped her on her   
way to the Mansion. She walked in and looked around.  
  
It didn't look any different from the previous night she'd been there,  
or the night of the show-down with Angelus. *What did you expect?   
It's just a house. An abandoned house. Just because the worst moment   
of your life happened here, doesn't mean it's anything more than an   
empty pile of bricks.*  
  
She walked further into the living area, and found herself drawn to   
the spot. *That's where he died.* She knelt at the ground, and   
noticed a few dried drops of blood on the ground.  
  
*Wonder if it's his or mine?*  
  
"I'm sorry!" she whispered. "I wish I could've done something  
differently. I wish I could've stopped it. Can you ever forgive me,  
Angel? Do you hate me now? I hate myself, and I don't think I'll ever  
forgive myself.  
  
I had so many dreams for us, Angel. I really believed that we could   
make it work. I thought, somehow, that our love would be enough to   
save us. I was wrong, though. In the end I had to choose; it was   
either You or Everyone Else.  
  
I sometimes wonder what would've happened if I'd chosen Everyone Else.  
If I'd dropped that sword and stayed in your arms and let the   
hellmouth open. So what if we'd all be in hell, that's where I am now   
anyway. At least we'd be together.  
  
I know, this is ridiculous talk. These are the things I can't say to  
anyone. Not Giles, mom, Xander or Willow. They wouldn't know how to  
respond. They'd probably think I've lost my mind. Maybe I have, and I  
don't really care."  
  
She brushed the tears from her eyes impatiently, and curled up on the  
floor. "I don't care. You're gone, and my life is so empty without   
you."  
  
*************  
3 am  
  
RING  
  
RING  
  
"Just five more minutes, Mom," Xander mumbled sleepily.  
  
RING  
  
RING  
  
He reached over to his bedside table and threw his alarm clock across  
the room.  
  
RING  
  
RING  
  
*Phone.* He reached over and grabbed it, "Hrmpgh?" was what came out   
of his mouth.  
  
"Xander, it's Buffy's mom. Joyce Summers."  
  
Xander was sitting up wide awake the instant he heard the worry in her  
voice. "What's wrong?" he asked. *Please let her be okay, please let   
her be okay, please--*  
  
"I'm so sorry to call so late, but Buffy isn't home yet," Joyce   
replied.  
  
"What d'you mean?" Xander asked, confused. "I walked her home, I saw   
her go inside the house..." he looked at his watch on the bedside   
table "...hours ago."  
  
"I know, but she went back out. I wasn't worried, because she's seemed  
so much better lately. I wasn't wrong, was I?"  
  
"No, you weren't," Xander said as he pulled his jeans on and located   
his shoes. *She is fine, isn't she?* "I'm sure she just got detained   
with some Slayer duties."  
  
"Maybe, and maybe I'm being silly, but I can't help worrying," Joyce  
replied.  
  
"I understand. I'm glad you called me. Even though it's probably   
nothing it's better safe than.... Well, I'll find her, Mrs.   
Summers," Xander assured her.  
  
"Thank you, Xander," Joyce said gratefully. "And again, I'm sorry for  
disturbing you."  
  
"You didn't," Xander said. "I'll have her home in no time. Try not to  
worry." As he hung up the phone, and started out the door, he   
repeated to himself, *Try not to worry.*  
  
********  



	16. Revelations

Half an hour later, Xander had visited all the places he could think   
of that Buffy would be. Even the sewers. He'd just walked up and down   
main street, checking the alleyways, and was heading to the last   
possible place he could think of. *She wouldn't be there. Not a happy   
place for her.* Still, he had to try.  
  
Buffy awoke after a particularly awful nightmare. In this one, Angelus  
had won the battle, and Willow's curse hadn't worked. *Just a dream*  
Buffy tried to calm herself. *He's never coming back. In any form. Why  
did I come back here?* she wondered. *This is the last place I need to  
be. This is the past, and I can't stay there, as much as I want to.*  
  
"Buffy?" she turned to see a very dissheveled Xander Harris standing   
at the door. "Are you okay?" he rushed over to her, and helped her up,  
searching for signs of injury.  
  
"Xander I'm fine, and," she checked her watch, "What the hell are you  
doing out so late?"  
  
"WHAT," Xander took a deep breath and tried again. *No yelling. It's   
not going to help. Calm down. She's fine.* "What am I doing out so   
late? Gee, Buff, I dunno, I get a panicked call from your mom at 3   
am, what am I gonna do? Turn over and go back to sleep?"  
  
"She called you," Buffy repeated.  
  
"Yeah. She was obviously scared to death, enough to call me up and beg  
me to go find you. So I did."  
  
"Xander, I just went for a walk, and then I fell asleep here. I'm   
sorry. I didn't mean to scare you or mom."  
  
"It's okay," Xander sighed. "I'm just glad you're okay. I was   
worried," he said.  
  
She looked into his eyes and saw a little bit of the leftover panic   
he'd been in, and she regretted she'd been the cause of it. "I love   
you for worrying, it's one of the reasons I consider you such a good   
friend," she said, and hugged him. Xander took a deep breath and held   
her tight, relieved that his worst fears had been unfounded, for   
tonight anyway.  
  
When she pulled away, he asked, "So why did you come here? I know this  
can't be a place you come just for fun."  
  
"I don't really know why I'm here," Buffy shrugged. "I guess I still  
feel an attachment to the place. It is where Angel lived....and died."  
She walked over to the spot where the confrontation had occurred, and  
said, "I never really talked about it, did I. You all just knew what   
had happened, by the way I acted. I guess I just hoped if I didn't   
talk about it I could make it all go away. But I guess not talking   
about it makes it worse. It's this huge thing that I keep to myself,   
and it keeps getting harder and harder to deal with.  
  
"Don't get me wrong, most of the time I can play normal Buffy. Some of  
the time I can even be moderately happy. And you and the others have  
been a big part of that." she said. "But I feel, sometimes, like I'm  
drowning in this pain, and I don't know how much longer I can fight   
for air."  
  
"You don't have to go through this alone, Buffy. Don't you know that   
by now?" Xander asked gently.  
  
"I know," she nodded. "I'm supposed to be the strong one, though. I'm  
the Slayer."  
  
"It doesn't make you any less strong to lean on me, or any of the   
rest of your friends. You've saved all our lives so many times, it's   
the least we could do for you now."  
  
"I can't go on like this anymore, I do know that much," Buffy said.  
She looked over at Xander. He was sitting on the arm of the couch  
silently, waiting. She realized that of all her friends, she trusted   
him the most and would probably find it easiest to talk to him. She   
sighed sadly, and sank to her knees on the floor. She looked at the   
Claddagh ring on her finger, twisting it thoughtfully.  
  
"I guess the reason I came back here tonight is because I feel like a  
piece of me died when I had to kill Angel."  
  
She looked up at Xander, his face didn't register that her revelation   
had sunk in. She looked away again, back at the spot where she'd   
killed her lover. "When I came in here that night, I didn't really   
have a plan. I just knew that I couldn't let things go on like they   
had been. First Jenny, then Willow, Kendra, Giles. Willow and Giles   
were still alive, but I couldn't help wondering for how long. And   
when he'd move through all the rest of the people I loved: you, mom.   
Hey, maybe he'd make a trip to L.A. to see my dad too, while he was   
at it. So I walked in here ready to do whatever it would take to stop   
him. I'd lost so much already, it was time to end it.  
  
When I found him and Dru, Spike took care of Dru so I could keep my  
concentration on Angelus. He was so....cold," Buffy shivered,  
remembering the cruel way he'd looked and acted toward her. "He  
taunted and he mocked, and I tried to ignore it. That wasn't Angel. It  
was a monster using his body. I let my instincts take over, I stopped  
caring. I fought him with all the strength that I had. I think it   
surprised him that I was able to do that.  
  
Finally, I won. I knocked him to the ground. It was over. Or at least  
that's what I thought. Just when I was ready to end it, there was a  
flash of light. Something changed. I watched his eyes go from the   
cold, hateful demon that I could almost hate to the warm, loving man   
that I couldn't help but love."  
  
Buffy looked over at Xander, his expression was complete shock. "No."  
  
"Oh yeah," Buffy laughed humorlessly. "I believe it would classify as   
a twist of fate, if anything would." She looked away, again, so she   
could continue. "I can only assume that Willow tried the curse again,   
and this time it worked. I thought that my prayers had been answered,   
and for a brief moment, everything was perfect. And then I saw   
Acathla. He was awake, and life as we knew it was about to be sucked   
into hell."  
  
Buffy took a deep breath, and said, "So I did what any good Slayer   
would do. I held Angel one last time, I kissed him goodbye, and then   
I sent him to hell." She was crying silently by this point, and   
brushed the tears from her eyes and looked up at Xander. His face was   
a mixture of shock, sympathy, and sorrow.  
  
"So now you know," she shrugged. "You know why it wasn't easy to talk  
about, and you know why I can't let go."  
  
"Buffy," Xander said, "I have to tell you something now."  
  
*******  



	17. Disappointment

Disappointment  
you shouldn't have done  
You couldn't have done  
You shouldn't have done  
The things you did then  
And we could've been happy  
What a piteous thing, a hideous thing  
Was tainted by the rest  
But it won't get any harder  
And I hope you'll find your way again  
And it won't get any higher  
But it all boils down to what you did then  
(Disappointment - Cranberries)  
  
********  
  
"I probably have horrible timing, but what else is new," Xander said.  
"And once I say this, you're probably never going to want to speak to   
me again," he warned.  
  
"I doubt that," Buffy said reassuringly.  
  
"I don't," Xander replied. "I've tried to tell you so many times, but   
I always stopped myself. The only reason being that I'm a coward. The  
night that you had the...fight...with Angelus, I  
showed up to help, remember?"  
  
"Yeah, and I told you to get Giles and get out of there," Buffy   
replied.  
  
"Well, Willow sent me there for another reason too. She told me that   
she was going to try the curse again," Xander said, and looked away,   
unable to look her in the eyes.  
  
"What?" Buffy said, refusing to believe her ears.  
  
"I knew that Willow was trying the curse, and I didn't tell you,"   
Xander said again, still looking at the floor. The silence unnerved   
him, so he finally looked at her. He wished that he hadn't.  
  
The look spoke of grief and disappointment, and broke his heart. Then  
her eyes flashed with anger, and she jumped to her feet. "You knew.   
And you didn't tell me!" she said, as if repeating it would help her   
to believe it.  
  
"Yes," he admitted softly.  
  
"Damn you!" she screamed and slapped him across the face. "How _could_  
you?!"  
  
"I deserved that," he said. "And much more. I don't know why I didn't  
tell you, Buffy. I think I was afraid that something bad would happen   
to you if I did. But there's no excuse, I should have told you. I   
wish I had told you. God, Buffy, I wished that, even before I knew   
that the curse had worked. Now that I know ...."  
  
He trailed off, hopelessly. Her face was still a mask of rage, and he  
didn't know what to say to make things better. Still, he told himself,  
he had to keep trying.  
  
"I could tell you I'm sorry repeatedly until the day I die, and it  
wouldn't even come close to telling you how sorry I am," Xander said.  
"I care about you, more than you will ever know, and to know that I   
might have saved you some pain but didn't...it kills me."  
  
Buffy's expression hadn't softened at all. "You _care_ about me? You  
have a really funny way of showing it." She shook her head, "I can't  
look at you right now." She turned away from him, adding, "Get out."  
  
"Buffy--"  
  
"Get out!" She screamed.  
  
She heard his sigh of resignation, and then the sound of footsteps as   
he walked away. When she was gone, she fell to her knees, screaming   
to the skies, "What more do you want from me?! Haven't I lost enough   
yet?!"  
  
*******************  
Xander stopped as he heard Buffy's cry of anguish. He wanted to go   
back to her, but then he reminded himself. *She doesn't want me   
around. In fact, she probably wants me dead. Heck, I want me dead.*   
He sighed forlornly and went in search of another who could help   
Buffy. 


	18. I Forgot

I forgot  
To tell you I love you  
And life's too long  
And cold here, without you  
I grieve for my condition,  
For I cannot find the words to say  
I need you so  
(I Love You - Sarah McLachlan)  
  
*******  
TAP  
  
TAP  
  
"Wha?" Willow, being a lighter sleeper than her Xander, looked around  
for the source of the intrusion upon her sleep. She caught the time on  
her alarm clock. "For 4 am, this had better be really important," she  
said to...nobody in particular. She located the source of the sound,   
and went to her window.  
  
Xander dropped the rest of the pebbles, and waited for her to open her  
window. "Sorry," he said. "It's really important."  
  
Willow sighed, and said, "Gimme five minutes and I'll meet you down  
there."  
  
True to her word, she was outside in five minutes, wearing jeans and a  
t-shirt. She saw the look on Xander's face, and said, "What happened?  
And whose hand met your face at full-force?"  
  
"Buffy's," Xander said sadly.  
  
"I repeat, what happened?" Willow asked again.  
  
"I didn't tell her that you were trying the curse, Willow," Xander  
replied.  
  
"Huh? .... Oh.... Xander! Why on earth would you do that? .... She   
found out!" Thus Willow went through the events of the previous hour   
in five seconds flat.  
  
"She found out, I told her tonight," Xander replied. "Thus the  
hand-mark on the face. She's furious, as she should be. As for why I  
didn't tell her, I'm not sure. If I could take it back and do it   
over, I would. Especially since she told me tonight that the curse   
did work, but it was too late. She had to kill him anyway."  
  
Willow sat down suddenly on the porch step. "Wow, what else have I  
missed while I was sleeping?"  
  
Xander sat next to her, and said, "That just about covers it. Anyway,  
she's upset, and angry, and a lot of other stuff, and I don't think   
she  
should be alone right now. And since I've been banished would you--"  
  
"Already there," Willow answered. "Where's there?"  
  
"Angel's mansion," Xander replied.  
  
"Okay," Willow stood, but then saw the pathetic look that was still  
lingering on Xander's face. "Hang in there, Xander. It'll work out."  
  
Xander put his head in his hands, "I'm the slime of the earth," he   
said.  
  
Willow sat back down next to him, and said, "No, you're not. You did a  
stupid, misguided---"  
  
"Wills," Xander interrupted. "Bad Xander, I get it."  
  
"Sorry, you're already beating yourself up," Willow sighed. "But no  
matter what you did, the reasons behind it were far from awful. You   
love her, and you were trying to protect her. Wasn't that it?"  
  
Xander nodded, "It wasn't like I thought it out in full detail, in all  
of half a second. I just had a feeling that if she knew, it would end   
in badness. He would've killed her if she wasn't totally on her game."  
  
"Maybe, Xander. But that wasn't your decision to make," Willow said  
gently.  
  
"I know that, Willow. And if I could turn back the clock and change   
it, I would," Xander replied.  
  
"I believe you," Willow replied. "I know you'd do anything for her. I  
think she knows that too, Xander. Give her some time, and maybe things  
will work out."  
  
"I hope you're right," Xander said. "I can't lose her, Wills. I--"  
  
"Hey," Willow put a reassuring hand on his shoulder. "I know. Go home,  
go to bed. I'll take it from here. I'll come by your place later."  
  
"Thanks," Xander replied. He looked over at her, and made an attempt   
at a smile, but it didn't stick. "I forgot, you know. Or maybe I just  
figured I'd have more time."  
  
"You forgot what, Xander?" Willow asked.  
  
"To tell her how much I love her," he said sadly. With that, he stood   
up and walked back to his house.  
  
Willow watched him go, then stood up and headed in the opposite  
direction, toward the Mansion.  
  
******  



	19. Why

Part 19 - Why  
  
"Buffy?" Willow entered the mansion, and shivered instinctively. She  
didn't like the atmosphere of the place, it had been home to too much  
evil and it still felt oppressive.  
  
She found Buffy sitting in a corner to the left of the fireplace.   
Buffy looked up at her, and Willow could see that she had been   
crying. "If he sent you here to plead his case, you can just turn   
around and go back out the way you came," Buffy said angrily.  
  
"Xander did ask me to come, but that wasn't the reason," Willow said,  
moving to sit next to her friend. "He's worried sick about you, Buffy,  
and he doesn't want you to be alone. He asked me to find you and make  
sure you got home safely."  
  
"'Willow said kick his ass'," was the next thing Buffy said. At   
Willow's puzzled look, she explained, "That's what he said to me that   
night, Will. He didn't just _not_ tell me about the curse, he lied to   
me too!" Her eyes welled up with tears, and she said, "I thought he   
was someone that I could trust, and I was wrong all this time."  
  
"No you weren't," Willow argued. "You _can_ trust him. He cares about  
you, and he was trying to protect you, Buffy."  
  
"And that makes it okay???!" Buffy yelled. She jumped up and started  
pacing. "I know he's your best friend Will, but give me a break!"  
  
"I didn't say it made it okay," Willow said calmly. "I'm not excusing  
it, I'm explaining it. Xander Harris would give his life for you, and  
you know it! Or you would if you'd let go of your anger for two  
seconds."  
  
"You would take his side," Buffy replied, irritated.  
  
Willow sighed, sadly. "This isn't about sides, Buffy. I know you're  
angry right now, and that's a valid emotion. And I understand why you  
would feel betrayed. But I also know how much it tears Xander up   
inside that he hurt you. If he could go back in time and do things   
over, now that he knows what happened, he would."  
  
"Let me ask you a question, Will," Buffy said.  
  
"Ookaaay," Willow said hesitantly.  
  
"Why do _you_ think that Xander didn't tell me the truth? You know him  
better than anyone, I want your opinion. Not Xander's reasons, but   
your best guess."  
  
Willow was silent for a few moments, contemplating her answer. She  
finally spoke, "Two reasons. First, he was afraid that you'd get hurt   
if he did tell you. You would've gone easier on Angelus. And maybe   
that would've been the little bit of advantage Angelus needed to kill   
you. Second, because of everything Angelus did to us."  
  
"Angelus, NOT Angel," Buffy said.  
  
"Right," Willow said. "But as long as I've known Xander, he's never   
seen things in anything but black and white. He doesn't separate   
Angelus from Angel, Buffy. You do, because you love Angel. I do,   
because I guess I've had a little experience with the Jekyll and Hyde   
situation too," this referring to Oz's wolf.  
  
"Xander, well, Xander sees death and suffering, and wants someone to  
pay. I don't think that makes him a bad person, it's just his  
perception. I don't think it was the major reason he didn't tell you   
my plans, though. I think he was trying to keep you from getting hurt,  
which he thought you would if you knew there was a possibility Angel  
could be saved."  
  
Buffy was silent, and Willow hoped it was because she'd heard her.  
"Buffy, can I ask you a question?"  
  
"Sure," Buffy shrugged indifferently.  
  
"Do you think that if Xander had told you about me trying the curse   
that things would have ended better?"  
  
"I've asked myself the 'what if I'd known' question about a hundred  
times, Willow. And I never figured out the answer. I guess we'll never  
know, because we can't turn back time and find out."  
  
"True," Willow agreed. "Well, come on, let me walk you home. The sun  
will be up soon. You should try to rest."  
  
Buffy nodded, and Willow put her arm around the girl, leading her back  
out of the Mansion.  
  
************  
  
"Come in," Xander called to whoever was on the other side of his door.  
He was glad to see that it was Willow. "How is she?" he asked.  
  
"She's hurt," Willow said honestly. "She feels like you betrayed her."  
  
"I did," Xander replied. "I hate myself."  
  
"Now, that's not going to do anyone any good," Willow said. "Give her  
some space and some time, and I think she'll come around. Deep down,   
she knows you love her. She just needs..."  
  
"Space and time," Xander finished for her. "Do you really think she   
can forgive me?"  
  
"I don't know for sure," Willow admitted. "What happened was really   
big, and the role you played in it was too. All we can do is hope,   
Xander."  
  
"I guess a small hope is better than none," Xander sighed.  
  
***********  



	20. Not Sorry

Saturday afternoon  
  
Keep on looking through the window again,  
But I'm not sorry if I do insult you.  
I'm sad, not sorry 'bout the way that things went,  
And you'll be happy and I'll be forsakin' thee.  
I swore I'd never feel like this again,  
But you're so selfish  
You don't see you're doing to me.  
I keep on looking through the window again.  
No, I'm not sorry if I do insult you.  
No, I'm not sorry if I do insult you.  
You told me lies  
And I cried, and I cried, and I cried.  
'Cause you lied, lied  
And I cried,  
Cranberries- Not Sorry  
  
Buffy ran downstairs at the sound of the doorbell. She was surprised   
to see a delivery man at her door.  
  
"Yes?" she asked.  
  
"Buffy Summers?" the man asked.  
  
"That would be me," she replied.  
  
"Well, this is for you," he handed her a long, rectangular box. "Sign  
here?" he handed her a clipboard. She signed her name, and he left.  
  
"What on earth?" Buffy walked to the den, and opened the box. Inside   
was a bouquet of a dozen white roses. "Huh?" she was still   
bewildered. She noticed a card with it, and opened it. There were two   
words written on it: 'I'm sorry.'  
  
"Xander," she said, and her expression hardened. She closed the box  
again, and walked outside with it. She reached his house in five   
minutes and knocked on the door. She was glad he answered the door,   
she hadn't wanted to have to go to his room.  
  
Before he could say a word, she threw the box at his feet, and spat   
out, "Leave. Me. Alone." Then, she turned and walked away, back to   
her house. She felt a momentary pang of guilt, but told herself, "I'm   
_not_ sorry."  
  
*********  
  
Xander had picked up the bouquet of roses and thrown them in the   
trash, then returned to his room. *Can't say I blame her for that   
reaction.*  
  
"Xander, Willow's here!" he heard his mother call a few minutes later.  
"Yeah, Wills, I'm down here," Xander yelled up the stairs.  
  
"Hey," she smiled at him. "I just ran into Hurricane Buffy. You still  
standing?"  
  
"Barely," he shrugged. "She didn't like my apology too much."  
  
"But something tells me you're not going to give up," Willow replied.  
"Are you?"  
  
"I've never been one to take a hint," Xander said with a   
sigh. "Besides, she's yelling at me, at least she's speaking to me.   
It's better than complete silence."  
  
"Did anyone ever tell you you're a glutton for punishment?" Willow  
asked, sitting next to him.  
  
"Yeah, a certain red-head I know. What, you think I should give up?"  
  
"No," Willow shook her head. "You two were really close, that's not  
something that can be easily thrown away." She looked at her watch,  
"Well, Oz, me and Buffy have to meet at Giles'." At Xander's depressed  
expression, she said, "Oh, Xander, I'm sorry. I wasn't trying to rub   
it in--"  
  
"It's okay, Willow," Xander replied with a half-smile. "Just watch out  
for Buffy?"  
  
"Of course I will," Willow said, returning the smile. "We _all_ will."  
She rose and started back up the stairs, and then turned back, asking,  
"Hey, when's Cordelia get back?"  
  
"Next week," Xander answered.  
  
"What are you going to do about that?" Willow wondered.  
  
"What do you mean?" Xander replied. "She's my girlfriend, I imagine  
we'll pick up where we left off."  
  
"Oh," Willow said, obviously surprised.  
  
"What?" Xander asked. "Just say it, Wills."  
  
"Well, I thought... your feelings for Buffy--"  
  
"Are beside the point," Xander answered. "She doesn't feel the same   
way, and I do like Cordelia. If we can make it work, I don't see why   
we shouldn't try."  
  
"I guess," Willow shrugged. "I just want you to be happy, Xander."  
  
"I'll be fine, Willow." At her skeptical look, he repeated, "I'll be  
_fine_."  
  
"Okay...see ya later, Xander," Willow said, and she left the house.  
  
*****  
Giles' House  
  
Buffy walked over to Giles' house, determined to get the rest of the  
gang on the same page as to the events of the night she'd killed   
Angel.  
  
"Hey, Giles," she said dully.  
  
Giles took one look at her, and knew something was wrong. "Buffy, come  
in," he invited. She noticed that Willow and Oz were already there.  
  
"Hey," she said. She went in and sat on a chair.  
  
Giles took in the dazed look on her face, and sat on the chair next to  
her. "Buffy? Are you all right?" he asked. "And where's Xander?" he  
added. Giles had gotten used to seeing the young man wherever there   
was Buffy.  
  
Buffy glared at him in reply.  
  
"I take it you two had a ... falling out?" Giles asked hesitantly.  
  
"That's a word ... or two... for it," Buffy shrugged. "There's   
something I want you, and Oz, to know. I told Xander, and then Willow   
found out. So I decided I should tell you too. I've kept things from   
all of you for almost two months. I'm tired of secrets. Secrets only   
cause pain," she added, looking at Willow sadly.  
  
Willow understood the reference to the absent member of the group, and  
said, "You can tell us, Buffy. Well, I guess I already know, but you  
know what I mean."  
  
"The night I went to the Mansion to fight Angelus, I had made a deal  
with Spike. I know Xander told you that, I told him he could. Anyway,   
it made things a little more even for me, to let Spike and Dru leave   
town so I could concentrate on Angelus.  
  
I fought him, I was about to slay him. Then, to my surprise, Willow's  
spell worked." She looked up to see that Giles was caught by surprise   
by that development. She noticed Oz was not showing any reaction, but   
then again he wouldn't act surprised if a twenty-armed demon walked   
up to them at that moment in time. Willow's expression was   
sympathetic, and Buffy felt a pang of sadness. She knew that Willow   
felt responsible for the timing of the curse, and wished she could   
remove the girl's feelings of guilt.  
  
"It's not your fault, Willow," she said. "You had no way of knowing,   
it was just one of those things that fate does to Buffy. I don't   
blame you in any way."  
  
"I know you don't," Willow replied. "But that still doesn't mean I   
wish I'd done the curse earlier, or--"  
  
"No 'what ifs'," Buffy interrupted. "I'd never be able to keep   
breathing if I lived my life that way." She took a deep breath and   
continued her story. "He changed back to Angel, and he didn't   
remember anything. I didn't have time, though. I couldn't tell him, I   
saw that the Acathla demon was awake and ready to suck us all into   
hell. So I killed Angel."  
  
She closed her eyes against the pain, and took a shaky breath, willing  
herself to stay in control. When she'd gotten a grip on her emotions,  
she opened her eyes again, and said, "There. Now you all know what  
happened that night. I'm sorry I didn't tell you earlier, I just  
couldn't. I needed time."  
  
"Buffy, I'm very sorry for all that you have lost," Giles said. "I  
understand your unwillingness to talk about it, these past months   
can't have been easy for you at all."  
  
"They haven't been, but I can't let you guys keep covering for me,"  
Buffy said. "I've depended on you to help me with the Slaying way too  
much. It's time I start patrolling on my own."  
  
"Buffy, I really don't think that's a good idea," Willow   
protested. "Not now, not after what happened last night."  
  
"I disagree, Willow," Buffy replied. "I'm in the perfect mood to kill  
demons. Giles, please give me a chance tonight?"  
  
Giles studied her face, and said, "Very well. But you have to promise   
me _not_ to get in over your head. If things get bad, you get to   
safety."  
  
"You've got a deal," Buffy said. "Don't worry, guys. I'm going to be  
fine." She stood and left then, saying, "I gotta run some errands for  
mom before sundown. I'll check in with you after patrol, Giles."  
  
After she'd left, Giles said, "I gather that mentioning Xander isn't a  
good idea?"  
  
"They got in a fight," Willow said. "Well, to be more exact, Buffy got  
mad, she screamed, he left."  
  
"Do you think she's all right?" Giles asked.  
  
"She's about as ticked as she can get, but maybe that's okay," Willow  
said. "At least she'll have an outlet for the anger." She saw the  
concerned look on Giles' face, and added, "In my honest opinion, I   
think she'll be fine tonight."  
  
"Okay, I trust your opinion," Giles said. "I'm just not sure how much  
more turmoil Buffy can take in her life."  
  
"Me either," Willow agreed. "We just have to keep an eye on her, and  
take it one day at a time, I guess."  
  
*****  
End 20  



	21. Forgiveness

Part 21 - Forgiveness  
  
Friday  
  
Buffy returned from a relatively easy night of slaying, and found  
a note in the kitchen from her mom. "Had to go out of town on  
business, plenty of frozen dinners in the freezer. Love, Mom"  
Buffy read the note. "Well, that's fine with me. I need some  
space from her worrying. First she mentions Angel constantly. Now  
it's Xander," she sighed in irritation.  
  
She went up to her room, and laid on her bed, falling asleep  
almost immediately. Some time later, she didn't know when, she  
heard his voice. "Buffy?"  
  
*No*  
  
"Buffy open your eyes and look at me," the voice pleaded.  
  
*Go away*  
  
"Please," the touch of his hand on her arm was the last straw.  
She jumped up out of her bed and scrambled across the room, away  
from Angel.  
  
"You're dead," she said.  
  
"For over two hundred years," Angel agreed.  
  
Buffy was not amused.  
  
"Okay, okay," Angel said. "Bad joke. You're right. I'm still  
dead."  
  
"Then why are you talking to me?" Buffy asked suspiciously.  
  
"Because....because this is Sunnydale," Angel replied. "Are you  
really amazed at anything that happens in this town anymore?"  
  
"Not really," Buffy admitted.  
  
"Well, aren't you going to ask me why I'm here?" Angel asked.  
  
"I'd rather you left," Buffy said, shaking her head. "I can't  
take it. Because you're just going to leave again, and then I'll  
have to cry some more. And then I'll have to be locked up in a  
padded room because I will have gone as loony as Drusilla."  
  
"I don't mean to hurt you, Buffy," Angel said sadly.  
  
"I've gotten that a lot lately," Buffy replied harshly. At  
Angel's wounded look, she added, "Sorry. Say what you're here to  
say and then do the disappearing act."  
  
"Fair enough," Angel nodded. "I wish you'd quit looking like  
you've seen a ghost, though."  
  
"Huh??????" Buffy gave him an 'are you kidding me?' look. "I  
have. I am."  
  
"Good point," Angel replied. "I have just a few things to say to  
you. The first one is, I don't hate you, Buffy. So don't hate  
yourself."  
  
Buffy tried to will the tears to stay away but they wouldn't. She  
brushed them away, and looked at the floor. She couldn't look at  
his face, it was breaking her heart.  
  
"There's nothing I need to forgive, because you did the only  
thing you could do. My life, such as it was, for yours; don't you  
know I would have given it willingly?"  
  
Buffy nodded, it was something she had always known deep down.  
*It still doesn't make it hurt any less.*  
  
"I know it doesn't, sweetheart," Angel said.  
  
Buffy looked at him in surprise. "Oh, yeah. Ghost equals reading  
minds of course," she shrugged.  
  
"And the other thing I came here to say, was that you shouldn't  
be be so willing to shut out the people who care about you."  
  
"What???" Buffy's face fell. "You don't think I should be mad at  
him for what he did?"  
  
"I didn't say that," Angel replied. "I understand your anger. I'm  
just saying that you shouldn't shut him out forever. He's your  
friend--"  
  
"What a friend," Buffy muttered.  
  
"Buffy, has Xander Harris _ever_ done anything with the specific  
intention of hurting you?"  
  
Buffy gave him a look of irritation, but admitted, "No."  
  
"Okay then," Angel said. "Don't give up something like that. It's  
not something you find often, or is easily replaced. Believe me,  
I know. I looked for 250 years, and only found a hand-full of  
people that I could count on. He's one of those people, as far as  
you're concerned, Buffy. You need that. I need that for you. I  
can't be there for you anymore."  
  
Buffy just looked away. "Please go. I feel like my heart's going  
to rip in two..." *That's funny, I thought it did that already.*  
  
"I love you, Buffy. Always. Don't ever doubt that. I want you to  
be happy, and I want you to find a way to move on with your life.  
You don't have to be alone forever to prove your love to me. I  
know you love me, but it's okay to let go. Goodbye, my love."  
  
Buffy looked over to where he'd been sitting, but he was gone.  
Again. She sank to her floor, sobbing uncontrollably.  
  
******  
Two Hours Later  
  
Buffy had gotten a grip on her emotions, and decided to get out  
of the house for a while. She wandered aimlessly for half an  
hour, and then found herself at Willow's house. She checked her  
watch, it was 3 am. *There is no chance she's up* She looked up  
at Willow's window, and was relieved to see that the light was  
still on.  
  
A couple of well-thrown pebbles, and Willow appeared at the  
window. "Hey," Willow said. "I'll come down and let you in."  
  
When Willow opened the door, she asked, "What happened? You look  
like..."  
  
"Like?" Buffy prodded, entering the house.  
  
"Like you've seen a ghost," Willow said, frowning.  
  
Buffy laughed hollowly at the irony of that statement. "Do you  
believe in ghosts?" she asked.  
  
"Yeah, I do," Willow said. "Why?"  
  
"Could we talk about it somewhere more private?" Buffy asked.  
  
"Of course, come on up to my room," Willow said. Buffy followed  
her to her room, and asked, "Willow, what do you think would be  
the reason someone sees a ghost?"  
  
"Usually it's because the spirit of the person feels the need to  
stay near his or her loved one, to protect them. Sometimes, it's  
also because the person who died needs to say something to the  
one he left behind. He'll stick around here until he can figure  
out how to get the message across."  
  
"And when he does?"  
  
"Well, then hopefully he'll go on to wherever he's supposed to  
go," Willow said. "Buffy, why are you asking these questions?"  
  
"It was probably just a dream," Buffy said, shaking her head.  
  
"Spirits have been known to communicate in dreams. What's going  
on?" Willow pressed.  
  
Buffy sighed, and then said, "Fine. I might as well tell someone.  
It might have been a dream, but I saw Angel. He told me..." she  
brushed away the tear that rolled down her cheek. "He told me  
that he didn't hate me or blame me for what I had to do. Then he  
really surprised me by telling me not to shut Xander out of my  
life. How weird is that?"  
  
"Not that weird," Willow replied. "First of all, I don't think  
it's any secret how much you've been beating yourself up about  
what happened the night you had to kill Angel. So I think it's  
completely probable that Angel, even in spirit form, would want  
to help relieve your guilt. And I also think it's very like Angel  
to not want you to lose your friends. He's still looking out for  
you, the best that he can. As to whether it was in 'real-life' or  
in a dream, I don't know. But I don't think it matters. I think  
it was real to you, and you should take what he said to heart."  
  
"I really want to believe he doesn't hate me," Buffy said.  
  
"Then do," Willow said. "Just go with it, and don't over-analyze  
it."  
  
Both were silent for a few minutes, and Willow spoke again, "You  
seem to be okay with seeing him."  
  
"I'm not," Buffy replied. "It killed me to see him and know he  
was leaving again. But I'll survive. I've gotten good at that  
lately."  
  
"I think it's going to get easier, if you can let go of your  
guilt and forgive yourself," Willow said.  
  
"Maybe," Buffy shrugged. She yawned then, and added, "I don't  
want to go back there tonight. It freaked me out in a major way.  
I don't suppose I could stay on your floor?"  
  
"Of course you can," Willow said with a smile. "It'll be a  
sleep-over, just like old times. Here, take this blanket, and  
here's a spare pillow."  
  
"Thanks, Will. I'm sorry to be such a bother--"  
  
"You are _not_ a bother," Willow said firmly. "You could never  
be. Now try to get some sleep. I know you're exhausted with the  
events of this past week."  
  
"I am," Buffy agreed. She curled up on the floor, and had no  
trouble getting back to sleep.  
  
***** 


	22. Unexpected Assistance

One week later  
sunday 6 pm  
  
"Giles, there's an awful lot of nothing going on out there,"  
Buffy said. "Still."  
  
"Well, typically the more organized troublemakers are the  
vampires," Giles replied. "Not to bring up a sore subject, but  
the two vampires who would normally fight it out for title of  
Master Vampire in Sunnydale are now gone. The rest of the  
vampires probably have been fighting amongst themselves since  
then."  
  
"I'm lost," Buffy gave him a puzzled look.  
  
"Trying to establish a new leader," Oz explained. "Territorial  
fights, and so on."  
  
"Oh," Buffy said. "And you get that how?"  
  
"The territorial mindset of the vampires isn't too different from  
the behavior of wolves."  
  
"Okay, so when the new Master is established, _then_ we can  
expect a big bad plan?"  
  
"Most likely," Giles nodded. "Until then, I doubt you will see  
any organized group activity."  
  
"I guess that's good," she replied. "So I'll see you guys later  
after patrol."  
  
She was glad that Giles had agreed she could patrol on her own.  
Strange as it seemed to the others, she didn't mind being out on  
her own. True, she had to keep her mind on the possible dangers,  
but she could also take the occasional spare moment to turn  
things over in her head.  
  
Since her dream, as she had chosen to accept it , she'd felt the  
weight of all the pain that had been holding her down slowly  
begin to lift off her shoulders. She still missed Angel, but it  
wasn't a suicidal feeling anymore. She was able to breathe easier  
and think clearer.  
  
When she chose to think about it, such as tonight, she identified  
a new ache that had appeared in the past two weeks. She missed  
Xander, he had become her best friend in the past month. *Doesn't  
matter,* she told herself now. *He lied, and he kept things from  
me. Do I really want someone like that in my life?*  
  
"Oh, hi," she turned to face the male vampire that she'd sensed  
stalking her for the last five minutes. "I was wondering when  
you'd catch up," she said, brandishing her stake.  
  
"You didn't see me though," the other male vampire dropped from  
the tree behind her, and grabbed her around the waist, shoving  
her against a tree. He pinned her, holding her wrists, and  
grinned at her. "Bet you'll taste so good," he said. She saw five  
more vampires approaching over his shoulder. "Not tonight," she  
replied. She pulled her knee up and made contact with the  
vampire's groin, removing his advantage for the moment as he  
doubled over in pain.  
  
She stepped away to get a good idea of the odds, and noticed five  
more vampires had appeared. "I get it, it's an ambush," she  
shrugged. "I'm in the mood for a challenge. You wouldn't believe  
the week I've had. I've got more than enough pent-up anger to  
take out on you guys."  
  
She waited for one or more of them to make the first move,  
knowing her best chance right now was defense. *Maybe I can pick  
them off a few at a time. Maybe.*  
  
Two of them charged her, one from the right, and one from the  
left. She had just enough time to pull a vial of holy water out  
of her back jeans pocket. With one hand she threw the holy water  
on the vampire to the right of her, with the other she staked the  
vampire to the left. Then, she turned her stake on the one she'd  
disabled.  
  
"Ten to one, I like those odds better," she said. "Come on, so  
far it's not even hard yet."  
  
In response to this, five more vampires appeared out of the  
shadows. Buffy's mind was screaming panic, but she tried to keep  
this fear masked from the vampires. Giles had taught her that  
demons could smell fear on humans, just as some animals could.  
"Fifteen to one; I can do that, too," she said bravely.  
  
She blinked with surprise when five vampires in a row exploded in  
a cloud of dust, at two second intervals. She saw the remaining  
demons glance behind them, and realized the identity of her  
unexpected helper. *Xander.* He was standing off in the shadows,  
crossbow in hand. *Wonder if he's been following me all night?*  
  
She wasn't given time to contemplate the question. Three of the  
vampires turned on Xander, leaving seven to attack her. Attack  
they did, without warning. She was tackled by one, and knocked to  
the ground. As he pinned her to the ground, she saw a way out. A  
vampire standing near her head had a knife sheathed to his ankle.  
  
She bit her captor on the arm, drawing blood, and causing him to  
roar in anger. The action succeeded in making him release her  
wrist, however, and she grabbed the knife from the ankle sheath  
of the nearby vamp. She knifed her would-be captor in the chest,  
and he roared again. She shoved him off her, and jumped to her  
feet.  
  
"Buffy!" She looked over at Xander, and he threw her two stakes.  
She turned and staked the two nearest demons quickly. She saw  
that Xander had staked the three who had attacked him, and he had  
moved in to help her.  
  
"No," she said, a feeling of hopelessness overcoming her as she  
realized that ten more vampires had joined the attack. "Fifteen  
again, which is where you came in. Isn't there an end to them?"  
  
"Buffy, concentrate," Xander said. "We can do this, just stay  
alive." He turned his back to her, and she realized at least this  
way neither of them could be the victim of a surprise attack.  
They faced the vampires who were beginning to surround them.  
  
Xander had located the arrows he'd used earlier, and he destroyed  
five more in the space of ten seconds. Buffy still had two  
stakes, and she took a deep breath, willing herself to keep calm.  
  
*Ten to go* She decided to take the offensive, and charged at  
those vampires nearest her. She staked one, and then punched  
another in the face. He counter-punched, but she blocked it, and  
punched him again in the stomach. Another vampire moved in, and  
she kicked out at him, making contact with his chest and sending  
him flying. As she did so, she noticed that Xander had staked two  
demons, and did not appear to be in need of her help at the  
moment. *Guess all those nights patrolling with me paid off for  
him. He's not so bad in the slaying department himself now*  
  
She turned her attention back to the vampire she was beating  
senseless, and decided to end it. She staked him, and taunted the  
other four who had held back, "Who feels like going to hell  
next?"  
  
Three of the four walked slowly toward her, moving apart to  
surround her. She turned in place, trying to keep her eyes on all  
at once. Two of them moved closer, and she staked one of them,  
and turned to the other. He backhanded her, knocking her off her  
feet momentarily. She struggled to her feet, and he grabbed the  
hand that still had a stake in it.  
  
*I lost the other somewhere* She looked around for it, but was  
brought back to the present by the pain as he squeezed her wrist,  
finding a pressure point. She dropped the stake, and he kicked it  
away. She punched him in the face with the other hand, and he  
stumbled backward.  
  
She realized her weaponless state wouldn't help, but had an idea.  
She ran to a picnic bench nearby, and overturned it. She kicked  
one of the legs off of the base of the bench, and examined it.  
*That's gotta be sharp enough* she hoped. She turned to see that  
the two demons had followed her. One got too close, though, not  
realizing her intent. "Thank you!" she staked him quickly. She  
turned, and then frowned as she saw the other vampire was no  
longer there. "What the--shit!" she finished as he grabbed her  
from behind, around the waist. He effectively pinned her arms to  
her waist, and she struggled to get free. One of the vampires,  
who had held back during the fight, approached then.  
  
"You!" Buffy recognized him as being the same one who had beaten  
her up a month earlier.  
  
"Hello, Slayer," he said with a smile. "You were much more fun  
tonight than you were last time. But unfortunately the fun ends  
now. At least for you."  
  
Buffy looked over to see that more vampires must have appeared,  
because by her count there should have only been four left. But  
there were seven. Five of those were keeping Xander busy, so he  
couldn't come to her assistance. The other two had her trapped.  
  
"I can't decide though," the vampire continued, "whether I want  
to rip your heart out and watch you die, or change you."  
  
"Go to hell," Buffy said.  
  
"No, I like it here better," he replied, moving closer until he  
was three inches from her. He pried the stake from her hand and  
threw it out of sight. He jumped back, then, seeing her try to  
kick him. "Now, now," he said, "You'll just make this harder on  
yourself. Tell you what, why don't you tell me what you'd prefer?  
A horrible death? Or living forever as a vampire?"  
  
Buffy laughed, "They're both the same thing, you idiot. Except  
for in the long run vampires get two horrible deaths, but that's  
beside the point."  
  
"Funny," the vampire said sarcastically. "I'm tired of talking, I  
want to feed. Can't have you disrupting the moment, though..."  
  
"Forgot about me then, I guess," she heard Xander's voice behind  
her, and the vampire behind her disappeared. She felt Xander's  
steadying hands on her shoulders so she wouldn't lose her  
balance, and then he moved in front of her to confront the last  
vampire. "Shouldn't have messed with the Slayer," Xander said.  
"Guess nobody told you she has friends who don't take too kindly  
to an ambush on her." Then he threw his stake, piercing the  
vampire in the heart. As the vampire vanished in a cloud of dust,  
he turned back to Buffy.  
  
"You okay?" he asked.  
  
She nodded, unable to speak due to the shock of what had just  
happened. She finally decided what she wanted to ask first, "How  
did you do that?"  
  
"I learned from an expert," Xander shrugged. "I couldn't help  
picking up on some demon-killing tactics in the last two years. I  
never had a reason to figure out I wasn't so useless after all,  
until these last couple weeks. Well, I know you don't really want  
me around, so I'll get out of your way now."  
  
Before Buffy could reply, he had walked away.  
  
**********  
End of 22  



	23. Maybe

Monday  
  
"Buffy!" Joyce called.  
  
Buffy descended the stairs, rolling her eyes as she saw the box.  
Again. "What is this, number seventeen?" she asked.  
  
Joyce said. "I think that sounds about right. Look, Buffy, I  
don't know what happened between you two, but I think it's  
apparent he feels awful about it--" *At least she's not throwing  
them in his face anymore, she only did that for three days. Now,  
she's just throwing them away, and it's such a waste.* Joyce came  
back to reality as her daughter took the box from her.  
  
"Don't start nagging," Buffy warned. "This is between me and  
Xander."  
  
"Fine," Joyce sighed in resignation. "I just hate that something  
came between you two. In the last two months, I've really gotten  
to know him. I like what I see. He adores you, and he's done  
everything he could to be a good friend to you. Not to mention  
that he's been looking out for you, including the last two  
weeks."  
  
Buffy rolled her eyes again, regretting that she'd told her mom  
about Xander showing up the previous night. She hadn't used the  
phrase 'saved my life,' but her mom had figured it out anyway.  
  
"I wish that whatever it is that happened, you could find it in  
your heart to forgive him," Joyce said. "But you're right, it's  
none of my business," she finished, and went upstairs. She turned  
back at the top of the stairs, she couldn't help it, curious as  
to her daughter's reaction.  
  
Buffy opened the box, as she always did. "Persistent, aren't you,  
Xander?" She took the roses out of the box, and without analyzing  
her reasons for doing so, took the roses up to her room.  
  
Joyce smiled as she saw her daughter take the roses upstairs, and  
ducked into her room before her daughter saw her. She answered  
the phone when it rang, knowing who it would be. "Yes, Xander,  
she got the delivery. And this time, she took them up to her  
room."  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Yes, really. Maybe she's starting to get past her anger?"  
  
"I hope you're right, Mrs. Summers," Xander replied. "Well,  
thanks for telling me."  
  
"You're welcome," Joyce said. "Just don't give up on her?"  
  
"Not likely," Xander said. "Not likely at all."  
  
********  
Two hours later  
  
"So he just showed up, and pulled a superhero act?" Willow asked.  
  
"He killed a lot of vampires," Buffy conceded. "Maybe more than  
me, it was hard to keep count."  
  
"Well, he did have the crossbow," Willow said. "So it was a  
little easier, but still..."  
  
"I know," Buffy replied. "I would either be dead or vamped right  
now if he hadn't shown up."  
  
"And?" Willow asked.  
  
"And, nothing," Buffy shrugged.  
  
"Buffy, didn't you at least thank him?" Willow asked  
incredulously.  
  
"He didn't give me a chance," Buffy said. "He took off. Obviously  
still thinks I don't want him around."  
  
"Don't you know how sorry he is?" Willow asked. "He's still  
trying to beg forgiveness," Willow said nodding to the latest  
bouquet of roses.  
  
"I know he is. How could I forget?," Buffy asked. "I don't  
suppose you could get him to stop with those?"  
  
"I think the chances of that are slim to none," Willow said.  
"He'll keep it up until you forgive him, or until you kill him.  
Whichever comes first."  
  
Buffy didn't reply.  
  
Willow looked at her friend in surprise. Earlier responses to  
that statement had been, "Don't hold your breath." And  
occasionally, Willow's favorite, "Don't tempt me."  
  
Buffy caught Willow's look and shrugged. "Maybe," she said.  
  
Willow was relieved to hear this answer, but didn't press the  
issue. "Well, school starts next week"  
  
"Great," Buffy said. "Just what I need. Principle Snyder on my  
case again."  
  
"Maybe he won't be so bad this year?" Willow suggested. At  
Buffy's incredulous look, she added, "Okay, so pigs will probably  
fly first. But this is Sunnydale, so it could happen."  
  
"Which, the pigs or Snyder getting a personality transplant?"  
Buffy asked.  
  
"Well... both," Willow said, getting a laugh in reply from Buffy.  
  
"The pigs thing, now _that_ I'd pay to see," Buffy said. "But as  
for Snyder, it's not likely. At least we're seniors. That's got  
to be worth some amount of excitement, right?"  
  
"Right," Willow said. "Because now we can start thinking about  
SAT's and college, and --"  
  
"Slow down there," Buffy protested. "I was more thinking about  
the 'being out of school' excitement. Not the 'Oh boy, more  
school!' excitement."  
  
"I've been told that not everyone is as excited by school as me,"  
Willow said. "So I'll try to keep my excitement down." Willow  
looked at her watch, and added, "Well, I've got wolf-sitting.  
Giles took first watch, but I promised to take the night watch.  
So I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"  
  
"'Kay, Will. And thanks for stopping by," Buffy said.  
  
"No problem," Willow said with a smile. "Bye!"  
  
***********  



	24. Reconciliation

Friday Night  
  
Willow, Oz, and Buffy were at the Bronze, mourning their  
soon-to-be-lost freedom from school.  
"There's Xander," Willow pointed to the boy sitting on a couch by  
Cordelia.  
  
"So?" Buffy replied, but not as harshly as she could have.  
  
"I hate this," Willow said. "Don't you miss him, Buffy?"  
  
"Sure I do," Buffy shrugged. "But..." she realized she didn't  
really have a 'but.' Not anymore. "I guess I've forgiven him,  
Will. I just don't know if I'm ready to give him the opportunity  
to hurt me again."  
  
"Won't happen," Willow said firmly. "I say that with complete  
confidence."  
  
"Maybe," Buffy said slowly. She chose that moment to look over at  
him, and saw he was looking at her too. The sadness in his eyes  
was enough to break her last piece of resolve. "If I regret this,  
Will--"  
  
"You won't, Buffy, I promise," Willow said. "Go talk to him."  
  
Buffy hesitated, contemplating the table top. She looked over to  
where he was sitting, and saw that Cordelia, who had returned  
earlier that week, had moved off to another area of the Bronze  
with her Cordettes. "I'll be back," she said and walked over to  
where Xander was sitting.  
  
*********  
*She's walking over here? Nah, she's probably just getting a  
drink. Oh, or maybe not.* Xander swallowed hard and looked up at  
Buffy.  
  
"Hey," she said.  
  
"Hey," he replied. *Please sit, please talk to me. Please don't  
walk away again. I'll die if you do.*  
  
To his relief, she sat down next to him, and said, "Twenty-one  
bouquets of roses, Xander? That's a little much, don't you  
think?"  
  
"Not if it comes the least bit close to telling you how sorry I  
am," Xander shrugged.  
  
There was a silence then, each contemplating what to say next.  
  
"So, does this mean you're speaking to me again?" Xander finally  
said. "Or is this just a temporary thing?"  
  
"I'm speaking to you," Buffy said with a small smile. "Can we  
really talk?" she asked.  
  
"Definitely," Xander answered.  
  
"The Bronze is too loud," Buffy replied. "Wanna walk to the  
Starbucks down the street?"  
  
"Sure," he said. They walked in silence all the way there. When  
they'd found a table, he finally spoke again. "So, what made you  
decide to speak to me?"  
  
"Three people I care about have pointed out one simple fact that  
I couldn't argue," Buffy replied. "And that was that no matter  
what you did, you never wanted to hurt me."  
  
"They're right," Xander said. "I hate that's what happened."  
  
She looked into his eyes, and saw the truth in his statement. "I  
believe that. After what you did Sunday especially, Xander. You  
saved my life. I guess maybe you're a better friend than I  
realized. The least that I can do after all that is give you  
another chance."  
  
Xander let out the breath he had been holding, and wondered if  
he'd been holding it since the night of their fight.  
  
"I don't want you to forgive me because you feel obligated," he  
said. *What? What the hell is wrong with you! Shut up!*  
  
"That's not it. When that happened, it just made me realize how  
loyal you are, and that you always have tried to protect me. Even  
when I'm so angry at you I say and do the most hateful things,  
you're there. So I do forgive you for what happened. You just  
have to promise me one thing."  
  
"Anything," Xander said eagerly.  
  
"Never lie to me again, Xander," she said. "Not to protect me,  
not to keep me from getting hurt, not for any reason. If you do,  
and I don't care how noble your motives are, our friendship will  
be over. I don't want anything but the truth, always. I don't  
care how hard it is. Got it?"  
  
"Got it," Xander replied. "I won't make you regret this Buffy, I  
promise."  
  
"You'd better not," Buffy said. "I just realized I took you right  
out from under Cordelia," she added with a smile. "Figuratively  
speaking of course."  
  
"She won't notice," Xander said with a shrug. "She's busy playing  
Queen C, telling everyone about her summer vacation with her  
family."  
  
"Aren't you glad she's back?" Buffy asked.  
  
"Sure I am," Xander replied, "She's my girlfriend, I'm happy.  
Don't I look happy? I guess you're right, though, we should get  
back."  
  
"Okay," Buffy nodded, and they walked back to the Bronze  
  
*********  



	25. Some Things Never Change

Friday Night  
  
Willow, Oz, and Buffy were at the Bronze, mourning their  
soon-to-be-lost freedom from school.  
"There's Xander," Willow pointed to the boy sitting on a couch by  
Cordelia.  
  
"So?" Buffy replied, but not as harshly as she could have.  
  
"I hate this," Willow said. "Don't you miss him, Buffy?"  
  
"Sure I do," Buffy shrugged. "But..." she realized she didn't  
really have a 'but.' Not anymore. "I guess I've forgiven him,  
Will. I just don't know if I'm ready to give him the opportunity  
to hurt me again."  
  
"Won't happen," Willow said firmly. "I say that with complete  
confidence."  
  
"Maybe," Buffy said slowly. She chose that moment to look over at  
him, and saw he was looking at her too. The sadness in his eyes  
was enough to break her last piece of resolve. "If I regret this,  
Will--"  
  
"You won't, Buffy, I promise," Willow said. "Go talk to him."  
  
Buffy hesitated, contemplating the table top. She looked over to  
where he was sitting, and saw that Cordelia, who had returned  
earlier that week, had moved off to another area of the Bronze  
with her Cordettes. "I'll be back," she said and walked over to  
where Xander was sitting.  
  
*********  
*She's walking over here? Nah, she's probably just getting a  
drink. Oh, or maybe not.* Xander swallowed hard and looked up at  
Buffy.  
  
"Hey," she said.  
  
"Hey," he replied. *Please sit, please talk to me. Please don't  
walk away again. I'll die if you do.*  
  
To his relief, she sat down next to him, and said, "Twenty-one  
bouquets of roses, Xander? That's a little much, don't you  
think?"  
  
"Not if it comes the least bit close to telling you how sorry I  
am," Xander shrugged.  
  
There was a silence then, each contemplating what to say next.  
  
"So, does this mean you're speaking to me again?" Xander finally  
said. "Or is this just a temporary thing?"  
  
"I'm speaking to you," Buffy said with a small smile. "Can we  
really talk?" she asked.  
  
"Definitely," Xander answered.  
  
"The Bronze is too loud," Buffy replied. "Wanna walk to the  
Starbucks down the street?"  
  
"Sure," he said. They walked in silence all the way there. When  
they'd found a table, he finally spoke again. "So, what made you  
decide to speak to me?"  
  
"Three people I care about have pointed out one simple fact that  
I couldn't argue," Buffy replied. "And that was that no matter  
what you did, you never wanted to hurt me."  
  
"They're right," Xander said. "I hate that's what happened."  
  
She looked into his eyes, and saw the truth in his statement. "I  
believe that. After what you did Sunday especially, Xander. You  
saved my life. I guess maybe you're a better friend than I  
realized. The least that I can do after all that is give you  
another chance."  
  
Xander let out the breath he had been holding, and wondered if  
he'd been holding it since the night of their fight.  
  
"I don't want you to forgive me because you feel obligated," he  
said. *What? What the hell is wrong with you! Shut up!*  
  
"That's not it. When that happened, it just made me realize how  
loyal you are, and that you always have tried to protect me. Even  
when I'm so angry at you I say and do the most hateful things,  
you're there. So I do forgive you for what happened. You just  
have to promise me one thing."  
  
"Anything," Xander said eagerly.  
  
"Never lie to me again, Xander," she said. "Not to protect me,  
not to keep me from getting hurt, not for any reason. If you do,  
and I don't care how noble your motives are, our friendship will  
be over. I don't want anything but the truth, always. I don't  
care how hard it is. Got it?"  
  
"Got it," Xander replied. "I won't make you regret this Buffy, I  
promise."  
  
"You'd better not," Buffy said. "I just realized I took you right  
out from under Cordelia," she added with a smile. "Figuratively  
speaking of course."  
  
"She won't notice," Xander said with a shrug. "She's busy playing  
Queen C, telling everyone about her summer vacation with her  
family."  
  
"Aren't you glad she's back?" Buffy asked.  
  
"Sure I am," Xander replied, "She's my girlfriend, I'm happy.  
Don't I look happy? I guess you're right, though, we should get  
back."  
  
"Okay," Buffy nodded, and they walked back to the Bronze  
  
*********  



	26. Inevitable End, Promising Beginning

One Week Later  
  
The gang, minus Buffy, was at the Bronze. Buffy was running late,  
having to take care of some Slay-duty before getting to have  
fun. She had promised to catch up with the rest later.  
  
"Do you think someone should go out there and look for her?"  
Xander asked for the tenth time in an hour.  
  
Willow checked her watch for the tenth time in an hour. "She's  
only an hour late. I'm still not really worried about her yet."  
  
Cordelia was getting more and more exasperated by the situation.  
*Here we go again. I'm his girlfriend, I'm right here, and he's  
not even aware of me. He's still more interested in Buffy, even  
when she's not around! Why?*  
  
"Did I tell you guys that Daddy bought me a new car?" Cordelia  
asked, trying to get everyone's attention back on her. "Xander's  
seen it already, it's a ..." She trailed off, when she looked at  
Xander. His mouth had dropped open stupidly, and Cordelia knew  
the cause before she was able to follow his eyes.  
  
*Buffy Summers* Cordelia's eyes narrowed, as she saw the Slayer  
approach. *Yeah, she's real innocent* she fumed as she took in  
Buffy's appearance. Buffy was wearing a mid-thigh length black,  
leather skirt, a red halter-top, and black high heels. Her blond  
hair was up in a perfect pony tail. *How the hell does she manage  
to look like that after Slaying nasty demons?* Cordelia wondered.  
  
"Hey, guys," Buffy said as she reached their table. Xander pulled  
up a chair next to his, and Cordelia continued to fume.  
  
"I want to dance," Cordelia said, and it was obviously not up for  
discussion.  
  
"Fine," Xander said, and followed Cordelia onto the dance floor.  
They had been dancing for about thirty seconds when Cordelia  
stopped suddenly. *I may be dancing with him, but his mind and  
his eyes are elsewhere* she realized.  
  
"What's wrong?" Xander asked.  
  
"Outside, now," Cordelia said angrily. He followed her, a  
bewildered look on his face. When they reached the side alley,  
she turned on him. "I'm tired of this."  
  
"Tired of what?" Xander played dumb.  
  
"Your infatuation with Buffy," Cordelia sighed.  
  
"Okay. A: You're wrong, and Two.... well, there's only A," Xander  
said.  
  
"You can't fool me," Cordelia replied. "You are in love with  
Buffy Summers, I don't care how much you deny it, it doesn't make  
it not true." She ran her hand through her hair, and added, "I  
don't know why I thought that the summer apart would change  
anything. I was hoping that you'd have come to your senses by now  
and gotten over her, but you obviously haven't. And then I  
thought that it wouldn't matter, because you and I are together  
and it's not like she even thinks of you that way.  
  
But it does matter. Because it's obvious to everyone who looks at  
you how you feel about her. And what's worse, is that makes it  
obvious that I'm just second-best. And I just can't tolerate  
that. Staying with you like this, means risking my reputation in  
this town. So the only solution is that we break up immediately.  
So that's what's happening, I'm dumping you. And you'd better  
make sure to tell that right," she warned, and walked back into  
the Bronze in a huff.  
  
"Oookay," Xander said. "I guess that was inevitable."  
  
"Talking to yourself is the first sign of insanity," Buffy teased  
as she walked outside. "So from the sudden departure of Cordelia,  
can I gather that things aren't that great between you two?"  
  
"We broke up," Xander replied.  
  
"Oh," Buffy blinked at the suddenness of the revelation. His  
expression was not giving her anything to go on, so she said,  
"You're gonna have to help me out here, Xan. Is this a 'Yay'  
breakup or an 'oh no' breakup?"  
  
He smiled, and replied, "Somewhere in between. Cordelia and I  
weren't meant to be together. Not when I--" he stopped himself  
from saying something he definitely wasn't ready for her to know.  
  
Buffy looked for him silently, trying to figure out what he  
wasn't saying. "Fine," she shrugged. "Let's go back inside."  
Xander nodded and followed her back in.  
  
"Wanna dance?" she asked, turning back to him.  
  
He closed his mouth, as he realized his jaw had dropped open at  
the suggestion. He looked at her for a moment, hesitating.  
  
She arched an eyebrow at him, misunderstanding his lack of reply.  
"Forget I asked," she muttered and turned to walk away.  
  
"Wait," Xander grabbed his arm, stopping her. "That wasn't a no,  
it was just a let me recover from the surprise."  
  
"Oh, then let's dance," she smiled. She grabbed his hand, and  
they walked onto the dance floor.  
  
You're just too good to be true.  
Can't take my eyes off of you.  
You'd be like heaven to touch.  
I wanna hold you so much.  
At long last love has arrived.  
And I thank God I'm alive.  
You're just too good to be true.  
Can't take my eyes off of you.  
  
When they found a spot, he moved toward her, and then stopped,  
looking completely lost. She stifled a giggle, saying, "I'm not  
going to beat you up, Xander. It would kind of defeat the purpose  
of my asking you to dance." He smiled apologetically, and she  
took his right hand and placed it on her hip. "Keep it there or  
you lose it," she teased him, smiling as he blushed again. He  
took her right hand in his left, and she leaned her head against  
his chest as they began to dance.  
  
I need you baby, if it's quite all right,  
I love you baby, you warm a lonely night.  
I love you baby. Trust in me when I say It's OK:  
Oh pretty baby, don't let me down I pray.  
Oh pretty baby, now that I found you, stay.  
And let me love you, baby let me love you  
  
Before they could enjoy their dance for too long, Buffy noticed  
Cordelia dancing nearby with another guy. What had drawn her  
attention was the fact that the guy looked.... pale. Buffy  
watched them as he led her out the side door, and looked up at  
Xander, a worried expression on her face.  
  
"Trouble?" he asked.  
  
"I don't think that guy thrives on sunshine," Buffy replied,  
stepping back. Xander nodded, and followed Buffy.  
  
"Where'd she go?" she wondered, as she looked around the dark  
alley.  
  
"Maybe they wanted to make out?" Willow offered hopefully,  
appearing behind her with Oz. She had noticed Buffy and Xander's  
departure and had followed. Having enjoyed the normal night, she  
was hoping for the lesser of two evils in this situation.  
  
"Even if we _have_ been broken up for all of ten minutes, I doubt  
Cordy would do that," Xander replied.  
  
"Hey!" they heard Cordelia yell nearby. Oz handed Buffy a stake,  
"Do you want to do the honors?"  
  
"Of course," she replied, and then they all jumped as a crash  
sounded from the same direction as the yell.  
  
"Okay, I take it back, Xander. That's not what making out sounds  
like. Unless I'm doing it wrong," Willow said.  
  
Buffy ran to where the sound had come from, and the others  
followed. She found Cordelia, pinned to the wall by the boy she  
had left with, who was now in game face.  
  
"He was nice earlier," Cordelia said. "But... help?"  
  
Buffy grabbed the vampire by the neck and pulled him off  
Cordelia. He fell to the ground, but got up quickly and ran at  
her. She grabbed his arm and twisted it, flipping him over onto  
the ground on his back. She yawned, boredly, then reached down  
and grabbed him by the collar, staking him quickly. When she  
straightened up, brushing the cloud of ash off her clothing, she  
grinned at the others, "That was fun."  
  
"Thanks," Cordelia said grudgingly. "I'm leaving now. Too much  
fun for one night," she added, glaring at Xander as she walked to  
her car.  
  
**********  
20 minutes later  
  
Xander was walking Buffy home, and he chuckled suddenly. At her  
questioning look, he said, "Oh, I was just thinking. I'm walking  
you home, and if anyone who didn't know you saw us, they'd think  
I'm protecting you or something. But it's so the other way  
around," he grinned at her.  
  
"I'm glad you're not threatened by that," Buffy teased.  
  
"What? Threatened by the fact that you're stronger than me and  
could kick my ass in a second flat? Nah, I've gotten over it," he  
replied.  
  
"Don't make me have to prove it anytime soon and it will be our  
little secret," Buffy said.  
  
"Sounds fair to me," Xander said.  
  
They reached her house, and she smiled at him and said, "I'm  
sorry we got interrupted."  
  
Xander looked at her in confusion, not following, so she  
explained, "Our dance."  
  
"Oh, some other time?" he said, hoping he didn't sound too sure  
of himself, and also hoping he didn't sound too pathetic.  
  
"I'm holding you to that," Buffy replied with a smile, and walked  
inside.  
  
******  
End 26  
(Song Lyrics were "Too Good to Be True" - the Lauryn Hill version) 


	27. Feelings

One week later- Wednesday  
  
"So, what about Scott Hope?" Willow asked. "A little birdy told  
me he asked you out today, but you haven't mentioned it yet."  
  
"I haven't mentioned it because it wasn't something worth  
mentioning. I said no as nicely as I could," Buffy replied.  
  
"Yes!" Xander yelled. Everyone turned to him in shock, and he  
reddened. "I'm looking into the possibility that I might have  
Tourette's," he mumbled and walked away.  
  
"Buffy, could I talk to you for a minute?" Willow asked, watching  
Xander disappear. Oz got the silent message and said, "I'm going  
to go... away." He kissed Willow on the cheek and went in search  
of Xander.  
  
"Yeah, what's up, Will?" Buffy asked.  
  
"You don't get it, do you?" Willow asked.  
  
"Get what?" Buffy replied, sipping her coffee.  
  
"The way Xander reacted just now. Doesn't it tell you something?"  
Willow asked, trying to get the message across subtly.  
  
"That he doesn't like Scott?" Buffy offered. "Or is that any guy  
who shows a slight interest in me," she frowned, trying to figure  
it out.  
  
Willow sighed in exasperation. "Buffy, he's head over heels."  
  
"With?" Buffy said densely.  
  
"AAGH!" Willow screamed. "You're as bad as _he_ is," she  
muttered. "Xander is in love with you, Buffy."  
  
"No he isn't," Buffy replied.  
  
"I think I'd know," Willow insisted. ."He's been my best friend  
for ten years. True he's not into the 'pull the girls braids and  
run' behavior anymore, but I can see it just as plainly."  
  
Buffy just looked at her in shock. "I.... don't know what to say,  
Willow. I guess it never even occurred to me that it was a  
possibility."  
  
Willow sighed, and said, "I just wanted you to know, Buffy,  
because I care about Xander. I don't want to see him get hurt.  
Which he will, unless you feel, or think you could feel the same  
way?"  
  
Buffy looked at her coffee. "I'd never hurt him, Will. He's a  
great friend."  
  
"I know you wouldn't, purposely, Buffy. But if things kept going  
like this, and you didn't know, he could.... misunderstand  
things," Willow said.  
  
"Thanks for telling me, Willow," Buffy said. "I won't rat you out  
to Xan, don't worry." She looked around then, and added, "I think  
I'll find him and try to convince him it's safe to come back."  
She stood as she spotted Xander and Oz in a corner across the  
room, talking. She walked toward them, making her way through the  
crowd of dancing kids.  
  
"She didn't answer my question," Willow realized then, frowning.  
  
**********  
  
"I'm going to glue my lips shut," Xander muttered. He was so  
mortified at his behavior, he didn't think he could face Buffy  
ever again.  
  
Oz chuckled, and replied, "I thought it was funny. And if it  
makes you feel any better, I don't think Buffy has figured out  
how you feel."  
  
"_You_ know?????" Xander said in horror. "Oh, God. Forget gluing  
my lips shut, I'm going to go join the circus."  
  
"It's not a big deal, Xander," Oz said calmly. "You like Buffy,  
you're probably not the first guy to feel that way. Have you ever  
considered just going for it?"  
  
Xander looked at him in shock.  
  
"Okay, I'll take that as a no," Oz added. "Stop looking at me  
like that, I'm not kidding. Why don't you just ask her out?"  
  
Xander continued to look at him in shock.  
  
"It wasn't a rhetorical question," Oz said.  
  
"I... I couldn't," Xander replied.  
  
Oz gave him a questioning look.  
  
"I know that look, that's a 'why not' look," Xander guessed.  
"Well, I'll tell you why not. Because I already know how it would  
go. I say, 'Hey, Buffy. Would you like to go out with me on a  
date?' And when she gets up off the floor where she fell from  
laughing so hard, she tells me I'm just Xander, her really good  
friend and nothing more. Then I _do_ have to go join the circus."  
  
"There will be no circus-joining by anyone," Xander heard Buffy  
say from behind him. He groaned, and said, "See, these are the  
times when, if life was fair, the earth would swallow me whole."  
  
"There will be no earth-swallowing of anyone either," she added,  
and walked around to stand in front of him. She smiled and asked,  
"Now why would you think it was more fun over here by yourself  
than over at the table with the rest of us?"  
  
"Speaking of the rest of you, I'm going back to Willow," Oz said,  
and walked away, ignoring Xander's pleading look after him.  
Xander watched him walk back to Willow, and finally turned to  
face Buffy.  
  
"Hi," he said sheepishly.  
  
"Hi," she replied. "Let's go back."  
  
"Fine with me," Xander said, glad she appeared to still be  
unaware of the situation.  
  
"Oh, and Xander," Buffy stopped him, laying a hand on his arm.  
"You do realize we're going to talk about this later."  
  
"Oh. I suppose I don't have a choice in the matter?" He asked.  
She merely responded with a raised eyebrow, and he added, "I  
didn't think so," and followed her back to the others the others.  
  
  
***************  



	28. The Talk

one week later, Friday afternoon  
  
"Hey," Buffy said, as she found Xander in, of all places, the  
library. "What on earth are you doing here?"  
  
"Research?" he answered, and at her disbelieving look, said,  
"Okay, you caught me. I'm being a two year old and avoiding being  
alone with you this week. There, I admitted it. You happy?"  
  
"No," Buffy replied. "I'm not. We finally got things back to good  
between us, and now you're avoiding me. I miss you coming over  
every night so we can talk about nothing. I miss you trying your  
hardest to get me to let you throw that Chris Isaak CD out the  
window. But mostly, I just miss you."  
  
"I miss you too," Xander replied. "I'm sorry. I promised myself  
that I wouldn't let this get in the way of our friendship, and I  
went and let it do just that. I don't want that."  
  
"Then we need to talk," Buffy said, sitting next to him. "We've  
been through a lot this past summer, Xander. You stood by me at  
the worst time in my life, and you never let me give up. And then  
when we got in that fight... well, the important thing is we  
worked through it. I'm so glad we did, too. But after all that,  
you're going to let this get in the way?"  
  
"No, you're right," Xander said. "Not talking about something is  
worse than just getting it out in the open. I should have learned  
that by now." He found the courage to meet her eyes, and said, "I  
love you. There, I said it."  
  
"Yes, you did," Buffy agreed, surprised that he had. "Xander, you  
are my best friend. I think you and I are even closer than me and  
Willow. What with her relationship with Oz, I don't see her that  
much. But it's not just that," she added. "You saved me when I  
was ready to give up, you kept me from losing it completely. I  
know I can depend on you. And I do. I care about you so much."  
  
"There's a but here. There's always a but," Xander sighed, and  
looked down at the table.  
  
"I need time, Xander. I'm pretty dense, so I didn't realize for  
so long how you felt about me. And now that I do, I don't really  
know what to say. So I guess the 'but' is a 'but I need a little  
time to think things out before I can say yes or no about this.'"  
  
I think I can live with that," Xander said. "It's a lot better  
than an outright 'not in a million years'."  
  
"Good. Whatever happens...are we going to be okay?" Buffy asked.  
  
"We'll be fine," Xander nodded. He looked over at her, and she  
was obviously not convinced. He smiled, and repeated, "We'll be  
fine, Buffy. Really."  
  
"If that's true, can I have a hug?" she asked.  
  
"You never have to ask," Xander replied, and pulled her into his  
arms.  
  
"Hang out with me Friday?" Buffy asked when she pulled away. "Mom  
wanted me to hang out with her for once after patrol and I know  
she'd love it if you joined us. We'll probably rent some movies,  
and we won't rent _only_ girl movies if you come. So? Will you?  
Pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease?"  
  
"How could I say no to that?" Xander chuckled. "Yes, I'll come  
over Friday."  
  
"Good," Buffy said with a smile. "Well, now that my work here is  
done, I have to run to class. See you at lunch, I'm sure." And  
with that, she ran out to her next class.  
  
Xander looked up a few minutes later to see Willow walk in.  
"Giles said he had to run an errand to the magic shop," he said.  
  
"Didn't come to see Giles, I was in search of you," Willow  
replied. "Did Buffy find you?"  
  
"Yeah," Xander nodded.  
  
"And?"  
  
"And we talked."  
  
"And?"  
  
"And then she left?" Xander offered with a mischeivous grin.  
  
"Xaaanderrrrr," Willow approached him menacingly, and Xander  
grabbed her arms so she couldn't hit him.  
  
"We gotta break you of the need to hit me constantly," he said  
with a grin. "Sit down, I was just playing with you. Of course  
I'll tell you what happened."  
  
Willow sat next to him, and looked at him expectantly.  
  
"So I told her how I felt, and then she said she needed time to  
think. I guess that's better than a 'Gee, Xander, I don't think  
of you that way.' At least she hasn't said it yet. So, when we'd  
gotten everything out in the open, she invited me to hang out  
with her Friday."  
  
"So, are you okay?" Willow asked.  
  
"I'll survive," Xander said. "It's not like this is the first  
time I've been in love with a girl who didn't feel the same way."  
  
"Don't do that," Willow frowned, "Because that's not necessarily  
the case."  
  
"You really think I can compete with Angel?"  
Xander asked.  
  
"You don't have to compete, Xander, he's gone. She can't be alone  
the rest of her life."  
  
"Maybe," Xander shrugged. "I don't want to think about all the  
maybes though. I just want to take it one day at a time. It's  
better that way."  
  
"I guess," Willow said. She sighed, and added, "Well, I promised  
Oz I'd meet him, this is my free hour. As long as you're okay?"  
  
"Go see your boyfriend," Xander said. "I'm good. I'll see you  
later."  
  
*********  



	29. It's Okay

*********  
Part 29 - It's Okay  
  
"'Lethal Weapon'," Xander insisted.  
  
"'While You Were Sleeping'," Buffy retorted.  
  
"Stop!" Joyce intervened, laughing. "You two are going to argue  
until it's too late to watch anything. And then what good is  
that?"  
  
"You said you weren't going to subject me to a girl movie,"  
Xander replied, ignoring Joyce.  
  
"I said nothing of the sort," Buffy replied, also ignoring Joyce.  
"I said that we weren't going to rent _only_ girl movies, but I  
did not promise _no_ girl movies."  
  
"I hate 'While you were Sleeping!" Xander whined.  
  
"Well, I don't!" Buffy said. "And I wanna watch it!"  
  
"Time out!" Joyce yelled again, grinning at the childishness of  
the two. "Why don't you flip a coin?" she suggested.  
  
"Well...." Buffy hesitated.  
  
"Fine with me," Xander said.  
  
"Fine," Buffy nodded. "Gimme a coin."  
  
"Oh, no you don't," Xander replied. "Joyce flips the coin. That  
way it's fair."  
  
Buffy gave him an exasperated look, but shrugged.  
  
"Heads or tails?" Joyce asked Xander.  
  
"Tails," Xander said.  
  
"Yes!" Buffy yelled, as the coin landed 'heads'.  
  
"Well, you still have to watch 'Lethal Weapon' afterward," Xander  
said, pouting.  
  
"That's fine," Buffy replied. "It's the principle of the thing, I  
won." She stuck out her tongue at him, sending Joyce into another  
laughing fit. "What?" she gave her mom a puzzled look.  
  
"I haven't seen you in such a good mood, in a long time," Joyce  
said. "It's great."  
  
"Oh," Buffy replied. "I guess you're right," she agreed. She  
stood to put the video in the VCR, and then settled on the couch  
next to Xander.  
  
"I'll go make popcorn, that's what I'm forgetting," Joyce  
offered. "Go ahead and start the movie."  
  
*********  
Three Hours Later  
  
Xander looked down to see that not only was Buffy sound asleep,  
she was using his shoulder as a pillow. A small smile slipped  
onto his face. *I have no intention of moving her. If I died, I'd  
die happy. Geez, I'm so pathetic, it's not like this is a  
conscious thing on her part.*  
  
Buffy stirred, and realized she was drooling. On Xander's  
shoulder. "Oh, gross," she mumbled. She heard Xander chuckle, and  
looked up at him. "Sorry, Xan. Buffy drool," she wrinkled her  
nose.  
  
"No big," Xander shrugged. He reached over to brush a stray lock  
of hair out of her eyes, and she closed her eyes and  
almost-unconsciously leaned into his touch. When she opened her  
eyes, she saw the depth of emotion in his, and it took her breath  
away. He leaned in toward her...  
  
"Xander do you want more--" At the sound of her mom's voice,  
Buffy and Xander sat back up quickly, and looked back at the  
television, where Lethal Weapon was still playing.  
  
"Oh, Buffy, you're awake," Joyce said.  
  
"Yeah, mom. Guess I dozed off," Buffy smiled at her mom. *Good  
timing. Or bad?*  
  
"Well, I was making more popcorn, do either of you want some?"  
  
"Sure," both said simultaneously.  
  
Once Joyce had retreated to the kitchen, Buffy took a deep  
breath. *You're just tired, and not quite alert, that's all* she  
told herself. *That's it, right?* As no quick answer came, she  
sighed. *You've got to figure this one out. For your sake and  
his.* She stole a quick sideways look at Xander, who was also  
refusing to look at her. *He doesn't deserve any mixed signals.*  
  
*Good one* Xander was mentally berating himself. *She's half  
asleep, and you try to kiss her. That's just great, Xander.  
That's up there in your most stupid things of all time list.*   
"Sorry," he mumbled.  
  
"S'okay," she smiled over at him, and patted him on the knee in a  
comforting gesture.  
  
*Okay, was that an 'It's okay, I wanted you to kiss me', or an  
'It's okay, I understand, but don't do it again or I'll break  
your nose?'* Xander wondered.  
  
  
*********** 


	30. Matchmaker

  
  
"This is not even a challenge tonight," Buffy said in disgust.  
She'd staked five vampires, and beheaded a ... well, she didn't  
know what it was, but beheading it had worked. "At least they're  
all being helpful and poofing tonight," she added.  
  
"Don't complain," Xander said. "Remember the last time you  
complained about how easy it was?"  
  
"Good point. But I want some excitement," Buffy said. "I just  
want something a little bit more difficult, is that too much to  
ask? ...Not now!" she yelled, as a vampire jumped out at her and  
she staked him quickly. "Geez, trying to make a point here, and  
...what?!" she yelled as Xander burst out laughing.  
  
"I'm not laughing at you Buffy.... you would have had to see it  
from my perspective," Xander grinned at her. "You're rambling  
about wanting a challenge, and then the vamp tries to oblige, but  
fails miserably. It was really funny!"  
  
"Oh," Buffy shrugged. "Guess I'm back in shape, so it's taking  
more to be a problem for me. Either that, or they're lulling me  
into a false sense of security."  
  
"Don't say that!" Xander yelled. "No jinxing of the night, okay?"  
  
"Fine," Buffy said. She looked around, they'd reached the last  
cemetery on her patrol route. "Well, let's call it a night," she  
said. "Let's go across the street and find a payphone so I can  
check in with Giles. Then we can go get Oz and Willow and go on  
to the Bronze."  
  
********  
30 minutes later  
  
"I thought you guys were all for the Bronze," Buffy said with a  
frown. They were all in Willow's living room, and Oz and Willow  
were suddenly uninterested in going out.  
"We just changed our minds, Buffy," Willow replied.  
  
Xander caught the look Willow gave him, and he interrupted.  
"Wills, can I speak to you for a minute? In the kitchen?"  
  
"Sure," she shrugged, and followed him.  
  
"Not funny," he protested when they were out of hearing of the  
others.  
  
"I'm not trying to be funny," Willow replied, an innocent look on  
her face.  
  
"I caught that look, Willow Rosenberg," Xander said. "You're  
trying to be a matchmaker, and it's not funny."  
  
"Buffy could do a whole lot worse, and not much better than you,"  
Willow said loyally.  
  
Xander rolled his eyes, and sighed. "Thanks, Wills, really. But  
you're forgetting Angel again. The love of her life."  
  
"She's been happier lately, Xander," Willow said. "She told me  
the nightmares stopped a while ago. She adores you, and I don't  
think you should assume nothing can happen between you two. Why  
don't you just go with her tonight, and give that famous charm of  
yours a chance to work?"  
  
"I have two things to say to you," Xander replied with an  
exasperated look on his face. "You are a broken record lately  
with your optimism, and you have a lot more faith in my charm  
than I do."  
  
"You won't get anywhere playing it safe," Willow said.  
  
"Stop it."  
  
"Making sense?"  
  
"Ha, ha. What if I do something wrong, Wills? One wrong move and  
I could lose her forever. I'd rather keep things as they are."  
  
"You won't lose her," Willow said with a sigh. "You've got to  
stop walking on eggshells about that, it's over. This is not the  
same type of situation, anyway. She won't walk away from you for  
loving her, Xander. And I can't believe you really would rather  
keep things the same. If you do that, you're ignoring the chance  
for both of you to be so happy you won't be able to stand it."  
  
"I can't talk to you when you're like this," Xander shrugged and  
walked back into the living room. "Well, Buff, looks like we've  
been ditched. Wanna go anyway?"  
  
"Sure," she said. "Have fun you two," she said to Willow and Oz.  
  
"You too!" Willow said with a grin.  
  
**********  
Xander and Buffy had arrived at the Bronze, and found a table,  
despite the Saturday night crowd. "You realize if we give up this  
table by dancing we'll lose it," Xander said.  
  
"I think it's worth that risk," Buffy said with a smile.  
  
"Well, then," Xander took a deep breath, "you wanna dance?"  
  
"Of course," she said.  
  
He took her hand and led her to a free spot on the floor. She put  
her arms around his neck, and he placed his hands on her hips.  
She laid her head against his chest, and said, "You can hold me,  
Xan, I won't take your arms off." She smiled to herself as she  
felt his heartbeat speed up, but he wrapped his arms around her,  
one arm around her waist, one slightly further up on her back.  
  
Buffy sighed contentedly. "This is nice."  
  
"Yeah," was all Xander could get out.  
  
I must be crazy now  
Maybe I dream too much  
But when I think of you  
I long to feel your touch  
  
To whisper in your ear  
Words that are old as time  
Words only you would hear  
If only you were mine  
  
I wish I could go back to the very first day I saw you  
Should've made my move when you looked in my eyes  
'Cause by now I know that you'd feel the way that I do  
And I'd whisper these words as you'd lie here by my side  
  
I love you, please say  
You love me too, these three words  
They could change our lives forever  
And I promise you that we will always be together  
Till the end of time  
  
*There was a time when this song would depress me and make me  
think of Angel. Funny how much has changed in three months.*  
Buffy looked up at Xander, and realized she'd never known a guy  
who'd shown so much emotion so easily before. He didn't even try  
to hide it, didn't try to be cool. She smiled at him, and he  
smiled back. "What'cha thinkin'?" he asked.  
  
"Just how much you mean to me," Buffy said honestly. She saw that  
she'd caught him by surprise, and she tucked her head back under  
his chin, saying, "You still find that hard to believe?"  
  
"I still find it hard to believe that you've forgiven me," Xander  
said. "I'd accepted that you'd never want me within fifty feet of  
you ever again."  
  
"Well I have forgiven you," Buffy said, and looked up at him  
again. "So you're stuck with me."  
  
"Promises, promises," Xander teased. They realized the song was  
ending, so they broke apart, unwillingly on both of their parts.  
"Let's get something to drink," Xander suggested. He took her  
hand in his and they walked back to their table. "We still have a  
table," he pointed out.  
  
"Must be our lucky night," Buffy said.  
  
"I'll go track down a waitress and get us something. Coke?"  
Xander asked. Buffy nodded, and he went off on the mission to get  
drinks. Buffy was glad, it gave her a few minutes to think about  
things.  
  
*Ever since last week, I can't stop thinking about how close we  
came to kissing. And I can't decide how I would have felt about  
it if we had. Maybe I wanted him to kiss me. I've really got to  
figure out what all this means.*  
  
"Hey, Buffy?"  
  
Buffy looked up to see Xander sitting next to her, a worried look  
on his face.  
  
"Don't even start worrying," Buffy smiled at him. "I was just  
lost in thought. I didn't even see you walk up."  
  
"No kidding," Xander replied. "I wish you could've seen yourself.  
"'A million miles away' doesn't even begin to describe it."  
  
"Sorry," she said. "I'm here now."  
  
"Good," Xander said. "You okay?"  
  
"Did I mention that you worry about me too much?" Buffy grinned  
at him. "I'm wonderful, Xander." At his skeptical look, she said,  
"Do I not look it?"  
  
"Well... you do look happy," Xander said.  
  
"And am I ever able to fool you?" Buffy asked.  
  
"No," Xander said. "Good point. Okay, so what makes you so  
happy?"  
  
"What do you think, silly?" Buffy replied, rolling her eyes.  
"You. You've always been able to make me smile."  
  
"Oh," Xander looked away, obviously at a loss for words, "Wanna  
dance again?"  
  
"Sure," Buffy agreed, and let him lead her back onto the dance  
floor.  
  
**********  
(Lyrics: "I Love You" - Celine Dion) 


	31. Another Loss?

Friday night  
  
The gang had met at the Bronze to see the Dingoes play.  
Afterward, Buffy and Xander walked back to her house. "So, you  
tired?" Xander asked.  
  
"Yeah, but I had fun tonight," Buffy said.  
  
"Yeah, Oz' band is getting pretty good," Xander replied.  
  
"So here's the dilemma," Buffy said with a smile. "Do we cut  
through the cemetery, or go around?"  
  
"Got your stake with you?" Xander asked.  
  
"Never leave home without it," Buffy replied.  
  
"Up to you," Xander shrugged. "I say let's go for it."  
  
"Okay," Buffy nodded. "So Xander, mom's out of town, so the house  
would be a quiet place to talk. Unless you're too tired?"  
  
"I'm never too tired to talk to you, Buffy," Xander assured her.  
  
"Good," she replied.  
  
"Shit!" Xander yelled then, and shoved her out of the way. Buffy  
saw that he'd pushed her out of the path of a Chaion demon that  
had run at them. He had a nasty looking knife, and Xander grabbed  
his arm, twisting it. The demon roared, and flung Xander off him,  
but Xander was up again and in the demon's face in no time.  
  
"Xander, get out of there!" she yelled. She grabbed the stake she  
kept in her purse. She looked up just in time to see the Chaion  
demon stab Xander in the stomach with his knife. "NO!" she  
screamed. Then, she felt something hit her on the back of the  
head.  
  
**********  
Buffy awoke, and looked around. She was in a dark, damp room of  
sorts, chained to a cot. *Sewers? Great* Then she saw Xander  
lying nearby. "Oh, God!" There was a gaping wound in Xander's  
stomach, and he was, she hoped, just unconscious. She struggled  
against the chains, but couldn't break them. She felt herself on  
the edge of panic. "Not again. Not Xander," she whispered.  
"Xander, wake up," she pleaded.  
  
He moaned and stirred, and she breathed a sigh of relief. "You're  
still alive," she said. "Hey, Xander open your eyes."  
  
No response.  
  
"Xander!" she yelled, and his eyes fluttered open. He looked over  
and their eyes met. "There you are," she said, smiling at him.  
"You scared the hell outta me, Xan. Stay awake."  
  
"Buffy?" he said weakly. "Where are we? What happened." He looked  
around. He winced, then, and added, "Are you okay?"  
  
His thought _would_ be for her safety. She held back the tears  
that threatened to come. "I'm fine," she tried to reassure him.  
"We're both going to be fine." The look he gave her told her he  
wasn't fooled.  
  
"You're hurt," she admitted. "But you're going to be okay. I  
can't" she struggled against the chains again. "I can't get free  
yet, Xander. But we don't want you bleeding anymore than you  
already are. So stay still"  
  
Xander looked at her, and shook his head, "I can't. Gotta get you  
free--"  
  
"Xander I am begging you not to move. You're hurt really badly,  
you need to stay still and put pressure on your wound. Please."  
  
He gave a resigned sigh, and nodded.  
  
"Promise me you won't move," Buffy requested.  
  
"Fine. I promise. Buffy, who...what did this?" he asked again,  
gritting his teeth against the pain.  
  
"Dunno," she shrugged. "That was a Chaion demon you took on, but  
he wasn't behind this. They're not that smart. Somebody or  
something hit me over the head and knocked me out, and whoever  
that was is probably the brains behind the operation. We're in  
the sewers, I know that much. As soon as whatever it is shows  
itself, I'll kill it and we'll get out of here."  
  
Xander chuckled, and then groaned at the pain. "That's my Buffy,  
always the optimist," he smiled at her.  
  
"After what that thing did to you, do you really think I'm not  
going to make it and it's leader die a horrible death?" she  
returned.  
  
"No," he said. "I think you're ticked. And I know what it's like  
to be on the receiving end of that."  
  
She looked up as she heard footsteps outside. "Very funny,  
Xander." The door opened, and she looked up into the leering eyes  
of their captor.  



	32. Unexpected

Buffy stared at him for a moment in complete disbelief. She  
finally found her tongue, then, "Son of a--"  
  
"Now, now, Pet," Spike replied with a grin. "Is that any way to  
say hi to good ol' Spike?"  
  
"You're so dead," Buffy threatened.  
  
"That's rather stating the obvious, isn't it?" Spike asked with a  
chuckle.  
  
"You caused this," Buffy nodded to Xander. "You are going to  
pay."  
  
"He's not looking so good, is he?" Spike taunted. "A shame,  
really. It wasn't my intention to kill him. Not yet, anyway."  
  
"You think you can kill me, you blond Billy Idol wannabe?" Xander  
moved again, trying to get up.  
  
"Xander!" Buffy yelled, her eyes begging him not to antagonize  
Spike.  
  
Xander looked at her as if to argue, but gave in and stayed where  
he was.  
  
"Spike, you promised me...." Buffy trailed off as she realized  
the ridiculousness of her statement.  
  
"Sorry, Pet," Spike said. "I would've stayed away, but Dru just  
didn't cooperate. She ran off with another demon. So, I came back  
to good old Sunnyhell, for lack of anything better to do. And  
once I got here, I watched your pathetic little gang for a while,  
figuring I'd have some fun. But then, I saw Red do a few magic  
tricks, and I realized she's the answer to my problems. I take  
Xander, in return for a spell. Red makes Dru come back, and I let  
Xander there go.  
  
Unfortunately, it's so hard to find good help nowadays. The  
Chaion demon got a little bit too excited about the prospect of  
seeing the Slayer. His intention was to kill you, as a sort of  
gift to me. Too bad Xander there got in the way. Once the demon  
realized that Xander wasn't going to make it--"  
  
"Don't say that!" Buffy screamed. "He's going to be fine. You're  
the one who's not going to be walking around much longer. The way  
I see it, Spike equals big pile of dust." She strained against  
the chains again, "I'm going to enjoy making that the case, too."  
  
"You think you can take me?" Spike asked, boredly. "I don't. Even  
if you weren't all tied up, I'd have more of my minions down here  
in no time if you were remotely worrisome to me." Spike grinned  
at her. "First, I'd have them hold you off while I finished off  
Xander. And it wouldn't be a pretty sight. Just the smell of all  
that blood, it makes me really hungry." He approached the boy  
slowly, and Buffy screamed, "NO! Don't, Spike. You want to hurt  
someone, come get me. I'm right here."  
  
"Killing my fourth Slayer would be quite a boost for my  
reputation," Spike said moving over toward her. "You want to test  
me, Blondie? I'm begging you to just try."  
  
Buffy just glared in response. "What happens when Willow gets  
here?" Buffy asked.  
  
"I let you and Xander leave as soon as she's done the spell,"  
Spike replied.  
  
Buffy giggled, startling Spike. "You've got to be insane if you  
really think I believe that. I know you're going to kill me and  
Xander anyway. Probably Willow, too, right?"  
  
"Maybe," Spike replied. "Can't stay and chat, though. I have some  
things to take care of. I'll be back later."  
  
After he'd left, Buffy turned to face Xander "I'm so sorry," she  
whispered tearfully. "I should never have let Spike and Dru leave  
town. If I hadn't, maybe--"  
  
"Don't," Xander said vehemently. "Don't you dare add this to your  
list of things to blame yourself for. This is NOT your fault,  
Buffy."  
  
"You okay?" she asked, choosing to change the subject for the  
moment.  
  
"Never felt better," he said. He started coughing up blood, and  
Buffy had never felt so helpless in her life. "Don't talk,  
Xander. Just try to stay with me, a little while longer. You have  
to, I can't lose you. I need you."  
  
"You've got to be kidding me," Spike muttered.  
  
Buffy looked up, she hadn't even heard him re-enter the room.  
"Come back to enjoy your handiwork?" she said sadly, not even  
realizing the tears streaming down her face.  
  
Spike ignored her, still on his train of thought. "You're in  
_love_ with the wanker? Bloody hell, Slayer, you sure pick the  
losers."  
  
"What are you talking about?" Buffy looked at him in irritation.  
"Would you please just go away???"  
  
"You must be able to fool yourself, but I'm not fooled. I just  
saw you look at him the same way you used to look at my poof of a  
Sire," Spike insisted.  
  
"Go away or fight me; choose one," Buffy said, "But I will _not_  
sit here and listen to words of wisdom from William the Bloody.  
You, who know absolutely _nothing_ about love. You," she yelled,  
"all you know is death and destruction. You talking to me about  
love? You can't even keep Drusilla with you, the most insane  
creature on the face of this earth. What does that say about you,  
Spike? You're pathetic."  
  
Spike's eyes flashed with anger, and he clenched his fists at his  
sides. Just then, however, they heard a voice. "Hey, Boss! The  
witch is here!"  
  
Spike smiled, and said, "We'll finish this in a minute, Slayer."  
  
When he'd left, Buffy looked down at Xander. He'd slipped into  
unconsciousness. "Xander," she called.  
  
No response.  
  
"Please don't die on me."  



	33. Rescued

"Buffy!"  
  
Buffy looked up as she heard a familiar voice outside the  
doorway.  
  
"Willow!" Buffy called. "I'm down here! We're down here!"  
  
Willow entered then, armed with a crossbow. Her face went pale  
when she saw Xander's condition. Buffy looked over, and realized  
it must be quite alarming. His black shirt was drenched in his  
blood, and he was pale as a ghost.  
  
"Will, where's Spike?" she asked.  
  
"Spike, well, he got away unfortunately," Willow sighed, as she  
knelt next to Xander. "But not before I scared the unlife out of  
him." She checked Xander's pulse. "He's still alive," she  
reassured Buffy. "Giles is out there, and so is Oz. They're  
covering the exits so that we can get out of here safely."  
  
Willow muttered a few words under her breath Buffy didn't  
understand, but the shackles dropped from Buffy's wrists  
instantly.  
  
"Wow," Buffy said. "You're getting really scary with that stuff,  
Will." She went over to Xander and knelt next to him, taking his  
head into her lap. "Xander," she said, trying to wake him.  
"Please, Xander. We need you to help us get you out of here." She  
felt like crying from relief when he opened his eyes, but she  
held her emotions in check. "I'm going to help you stand, okay?"  
  
"Yeah," Xander replied, nodding.  
  
Buffy put one of his arms around her shoulders, and pulled him to  
a standing position. He leaned on her while she helped him walk.  
Willow preceded them, keeping an eye on all the corridors.  
  
"Buffy! Xander, are you all right?" Giles asked, coming toward  
them to help Buffy with Xander.  
  
"Oz, please tell me you have your van," Buffy said.  
  
"It's right outside," Oz replied.  
  
"Let's get him to the hospital, then," Buffy said.  
  
******** 


	34. Scared

They were all sitting in the waiting room of the hospital. Xander  
had been in the emergency room for what felt like hours to Buffy.  
She looked up as her mom walked in. "Buffy, are you okay?" she  
asked. She sat down next to her daughter, and Buffy accepted the  
comfort of being in her arms.  
  
"I'm..." Buffy tried to talk, but broke down instead. She cried  
silently, and Joyce held her, trying to soothe her.  
  
"It's Xander," Willow explained. "He took a knife that was meant  
for Buffy. The doctors are working on him right now."  
  
"How bad is it?" Joyce asked.  
  
"We don't know yet," Willow replied. "They haven't told us  
anything. Xander's parents are on their way."  
  
Buffy took a shaky breath, and sat up. "I'm okay," she said,  
brushing the tears from her face. "So, Willow, you never told me  
exactly how you scared the unlife out of Spike, but I think I  
could use a good laugh right about now."  
  
"Well, I played the scared friend for a minute. I had some stuff  
for a spell, and I told him it was for the love spell. So then I  
started the incantation, and much to his surprise, all his little  
lackeys started bursting into flames. When he realized I was  
doing it, he ran away, down one of the sewer passages. We would  
have gone after him under normal circumstances, but we decided it  
was probably better to find you and Xander."  
  
"Good choice," Buffy said. "It might have saved Xander's life."  
  
Xander's mother entered the waiting room then, and Willow went to  
talk to her. "Mary, they're working on him right now."  
  
"What happened?" the woman asked, on the verge of hysterics.  
  
"Come sit down," Willow said, leading Mary over to sit with the  
others. "Mary, you remember Buffy?" Mary nodded. "This is Buffy's  
mom, Joyce Summers. Xander and Buffy were walking home from the  
Bronze when they were attacked. It was a mugging attempt, and one  
of the robbers decided to stab Xander in the stomach before they  
ran off."  
  
"Is he okay?" Mary asked fearfully. "How could this happen? I  
hate this town. We should have left a long time ago. He's going  
to be okay, right?"  
  
Buffy couldn't take it, she had to get some fresh air. She walked  
outside, and leaned up against the side of the building. She  
stood and watched the sunrise. "I'm going to make you pay for  
this, Spike," she whispered.  
  
"There you are."  
  
Buffy looked up to see Giles approaching. "Hey, Giles," she said.  
"What am I, bad luck or something?"  
  
"Don't say that," Giles replied with a frown. "You have saved all  
of our lives more times than I can count. You are a good Slayer,  
Buffy, the best the Council has had in over a hundred years."  
Buffy gave him a skeptical look, and he said, "I'm very serious.  
The last time a Slayer made it to seventeen was over a hundred  
years ago. Most live for a matter of weeks, or months after  
they're called."  
  
They were both silent for a few minutes, and Buffy spoke, "I'm  
really scared. More scared than when I lost Angel. I loved Angel,  
and a part of me still does, but this is different. Xander's my  
best friend, and if I lose him, I don't think I'll be able to  
make it."  
  
Before Giles could find any words of wisdom, Buffy moved away  
from the wall. "Ignore me, I'm sleep-deprived," she muttered. She  
wa;led back inside and found Joyce, Oz, and Willow, but no Mary  
Harris. "Where's Xander's mom?" Buffy asked.  
  
"She had to go back home," Willow said..  
  
"Huh?" Buffy was rendered speechless by this turn of events. "Why  
would she do that when Xander's fighting for his life in there?"  
  
"Xander's family's....Xander's family," Willow shrugged. "They  
deal with things differently than most people. She had to go, but  
I promised her I'd call her when he woke up."  
  
One of the doctors finally approached them. "Well, he's lost a  
lot of blood, but we stitched him up, and stopped the internal  
bleeding. He's still unconscious, though."  
  
"He's going to be okay, right?" Buffy asked.  
  
The doctor looked away, and Buffy repeated, "He's going to be  
_okay_ right????" Willow took her hand to comfort her. "Answer  
me," Buffy pleaded.  
  
"As I said before, he's lost a lot of blood," the doctor said.  
"We don't know what's going to happen for sure. I can tell you  
this: if he wakes up in the next twenty-four hours, he's got an  
excellent chance of walking out of here on his own."  
  
"And if he doesn't?" Buffy asked.  
  
"The longer he remains unconscious, the worse his chances are,"  
the doctor admitted. "Now, as for visitors, I will allow one, and  
only one at a time. Try to keep your spirits up, it will be  
better for his health if he doesn't sense a lot of distress. Am I  
clear?"  
  
Everyone nodded, and the doctor said, "I spoke to Mrs. Harris  
earlier, which is the reason I'm letting you know anything about  
his condition. And the hospital usually has a rule about family  
only, but Mrs. Harris told me that her son considers all of you  
family."  
  
After he'd gone, Willow said, "You go see him, Buffy."  
  
"Are you sure Will? Don't you want--"  
  
"He'll want to see you, or hear at least," Willow said. "Get in  
there, that's an order."  
  
"Thank you," Buffy said gratefully and hugged Willow.  
  
*********** 


	35. Ironic

Buffy was sitting by Xander's bedside, she didn't know how much  
time had passed. She was holding one of his hands in both of  
hers, talking to him. She didn't even know if she was making  
sense anymore, she just felt the need to keep talking. Hoping the  
sound of her voice would make a difference.  
  
She looked up as Willow walked in, and Buffy smiled weakly at  
her. "Hey."  
  
"Hey, Buffy. The nurses were switching, so I took the opportunity  
to sneak in," Willow said. Buffy stood, and Willow moved to stop  
her. "No, I don't want you to leave. He needs you here with him."  
  
"I don't want to keep you from spending time with him, Willow,"  
Buffy protested. "He's your friend, too."  
  
"Yes, but he's in love with you," Willow said. "And he needs to  
hear your voice, it's the only thing keeping him here with us."  
  
Buffy looked back to Xander, and sat down, sighing sadly. "It's  
ironic, you know."  
  
"What is?" Willow asked, moving to take a chair next to her  
friend.  
  
"When your mortal enemy calls you on emotions you didn't know you  
had," Buffy replied, still looking at Xander.  
  
Willow was silent, not knowing how to ask the question she wanted  
to ask.  
  
"I imagine you know, too," Buffy said. "I didn't ask for this,  
but I think I love him."  
  
Willow smiled, "Well, I don't think that's a bad thing, but I'm  
biased I guess. You two have gotten really close, and you depend  
on each other. I'd actually think there was something wrong with  
you if you didn't start to realize how great Xander was."  
  
"I've always known he was a great guy," Buffy replied, looking  
back at her unconscious friend. "I just never thought that I  
would feel anything like this for anyone after Angel died," Buffy  
said. "I didn't want to. I didn't think I deserved to be happy."  
  
"But do you still feel that way?" Willow asked.  
  
"No," Buffy shook her head slowly, and looked over at Willow for  
the first time. "I think... Angel would want me to be happy,  
wouldn't he?"  
  
"I know so," Willow replied. "So Spike knew, huh?"  
  
"Yeah," Buffy said. "He was sufficiently crude and obnoxious  
about it, but he was right. The minute he said it, it's like the  
truth smacked me upside the head. And that made it so much worse.  
Because if Xander dies, before I can tell him..." Buffy trailed  
off, amd laid her head on the bed next to Xander's arm, crying.  
  
"Life can be cruel, but I just can't bring myself to believe it  
will be that cruel," Willow said, putting a comforting arm around  
Buffy. "Just keep talking to him, and he'll find his way back to  
you."  
  
"Are you okay with this?" Buffy asked.  
  
"You're a wonderful friend for even worrying," Willow said with a  
smile. "But you don't need to. Xander and I are friends, and I  
want him to be happy. You just make sure that happens, I don't  
want to have to be in the middle of another bad situation between  
you two."  
  
"Deal," Buffy said. "This is going to sound odd, but I really  
need to go out for a few minutes. Would you stay with him?"  
  
"Of course I will. It must be important," Willow said.  
  
"It is," Buffy replied. "It's not something I feel like I can  
postpone." Buffy stood, and walked to the door. She stopped to  
look at Xander for a few more minutes before she left the room.  
  
End 35 


	36. Letting Go

Buffy arrived at the Mansion and gave it a quick run-through. "No  
demons. Good," she said. She went back to the spot in the den  
where all her pain had begun.  
  
"Hi," she said softly. "I hope you can hear me, because this is  
probably one of the most important things I'll ever do. I love  
you, but it's different than it used to be. I'm not holding on,  
not anymore. I know now that I can let go, it doesn't mean I'm  
ignoring what you meant to me."  
  
I used to think I couldn't live without you, but I discovered a  
way to do that. That doesn't surprise me as much as the fact that  
I've found a way to love again, too. I didn't ask for it, and I  
wasn't expecting it. It happened though. I've fallen in love,  
with a guy who's my best friend in this world.  
  
So you know now, it's Xander. I hope you can be okay with that, a  
part of me thinks you are."  
  
She knelt on the floor, taking off the the Claddagh ring, "I  
can't keep this anymore. You gave it to me as a sign of a promise  
that we would be together always. I had to break that promise,  
and I'm sorry for that. But I think I kept this ring to punish  
myself. To remind myself of the awful thing I'd done. You  
wouldn't want that, would you? You'd want me to be happy, so I'm  
trying to do that.  
  
She pressed her lips to the ring and added, "So, goodbye Angel.  
One last time. Because I want to move on with my life, with a man  
who really, truly, loves me and wants to make me happy. And I  
can't do that while I'm holding on to you. I think.... no I know  
I can love him, and make him happy as well." She placed the ring  
on the floor, and added, "I'll never forget you."  
  
She stood then, and walked out of the mansion, not looking back.  
She stepped outside, and leaned up against the side of the  
building, until the tears had slowed. "You did the right thing,"  
she told herself. "Angel would be the first to tell you with  
that." She took a deep breath, and returned to the hospital.  
  
***********  



	37. Happy Tears

Sunnydale Hospital  
  
"Hey!" Willow smiled as Buffy walked back in. "I'm glad you're  
back. He's been muttering things, I think he's trying to wake  
up."  
  
"Really?" Buffy said, hopefully. She walked over to Xander's  
bedside, and took his hand in hers. "Hey, Xan. You gotta wake up.  
I've got some really important things to say to you. As soon as  
you're out of this place, that is. There is a reason to live, I'm  
sitting right here."  
  
"Can't a guy get some sleep around here?" Xander said softly  
without opening his eyes, his lips turning up in a grin.  
  
Buffy almost fell over, but Willow pushed a chair behind her just  
in time. "You're awake," she sobbed, and started crying from the  
overwhelming relief.  
  
"Hey," Xander frowned, and opened his eyes. He looked over at  
her, and stroked her hair lovingly. "Don't do that. I don't  
_ever_ want to be the reason you cry."  
  
Buffy laughed, and stood up, leaning over to hug him, laying her  
head on his chest. "There's a difference," she said. "These are  
happy tears."  
  
"Oh, I suppose that's okay then," Xander said, and put his arms  
around her. He looked over at Willow and smiled, "Hey, Wills. So  
was it you that saved our butts again?"  
  
"I helped," Willow shrugged. "I'm glad you're okay, Xander. How  
about cutting down on the heroics for a while, though? I don't  
think Buffy can take the stress."  
  
"Asking me not to look out for Buffy is like asking me not to  
breathe," Xander replied. He let go reluctantly as Buffy stood  
back up. She sat on the side of the bed next to him, taking one  
of his hands again.  
  
"That's not even funny to joke about," Buffy said with a frown.  
"Because I think you did that more than once already. And scared  
me to death in the process."  
  
"Sorry," Xander replied. "I'm feeling okay now, other than the  
feeling of being run over by a semi-truck. Hey, was I dreaming or  
was that Spike???!"  
  
"You weren't dreaming," Buffy shook her head. "I warned him not  
to come back to this town. Now it's time for him to find out that  
messing with me and my friends was a bad idea. "  
  
"Don't go after him alone," Xander said, a worried look on his  
face.  
  
"I won't," Buffy said, smiling. "Don't worry. Oz, Willow, Giles  
and I are going to hunt him down together and kill him."  
  
"What, I don't get to participate?" Xander replied with a frown.  
  
"No!" Buffy replied.  
  
"But--"  
  
"You think I'm kidding, but I'm not," Buffy said. "You almost  
died, Xander. And I have no intention of repeating the last 24  
hours ever again. So the answer is a very emphatic no."  
  
"Buffy--"  
  
"Do you really want to argue with me when I haven't slept for  
over 24 hours?" Buffy asked with a raised eyebrow.  
  
"Okay, I give," Xander replied with a chuckle. "Ow, laughing is  
not a good thing right now," he added, clutching his stomach.  
  
"Oh, I'd better go tell the doctor you're awake," Willow said,  
and ran out the door.  
  
Xander looked down at Buffy's hand holding his. He looked back up  
at her, and gave her a puzzled look.  
  
"What?" she asked.  
  
"Did you lose it?" Xander asked.  
  
"Oh, that," Buffy smiled. "No. I took it off."  
  
"Why?" Xander questioned.  
  
"Because, a lot of reasons," she shrugged.  
  
"You know you're one of the few people I know that can answer a  
question and not answer it at the same time," Xander replied with  
a shake of his head.  
  
"Sorry," Buffy smiled. "I'm not trying to be difficult. And I do  
plan on talking to you about it, but not here. I hate hospitals  
enough, but they're definitely not good for serious  
discussions--"  
  
As if to prove her point, the doctor and several nurses barged in  
then and basically shoved her out the door, barking orders.  
  
******* 


	38. Who Needs Sleep?

Buffy walked over to where Giles and her mom were sitting, and  
said, "He woke up."  
  
"Oh, Buffy, I'm so glad. So he's okay?" Joyce asked.  
  
"Well, he's cracking jokes, so that would probably be a yes,"  
Buffy said with a grin. She sank into a chair next to her mom,  
and leaned up against the wall, closing her eyes. "God I'm  
tired," she sighed.  
  
"So when do you want to try to locate Spike?" Giles asked.  
  
"What do you think he's up to?" Buffy replied.  
  
"General mayhem and evil I imagine," Giles said. "We know he had  
a rather ridiculous plan to get Willow to help him get Drusilla  
back. Now that failed and he's mad. We all know that's not a  
good situation. So the sooner we find him, the better."  
  
"Yeah, it's about time he was stopped. Do you realize he's caused  
more trouble for us than any other demon?" Buffy asked.  
  
"Yes, well, he is very powerful. And smarter than he pretends to  
be," Giles said. "He has killed two Slayers in his time, that's not   
an easy accomplishment."  
  
"Well this time his luck has run out, he's messed with his last  
Slayer," Buffy replied. "To answer your earlier question: let's  
go out tonight. We can split up into teams and use those new  
walkie-talkies you had me buy the other day. You and me in one team,  
Willow and Oz in another."  
  
"That sounds fine," Giles agreed. "So after sundown, meet at my   
apartment. All right?"  
  
"'Kay. I'll be here until then, if anybody needs me."  
  
"Buffy, don't you think you should come home and try to get some  
sleep?" Joyce asked. Buffy looked over at her, she'd forgotten  
her mom was even there, she'd been so quiet during her discussion  
with Giles. *I can't believe she stayed silent during all that  
talk of slaying.*  
  
She realized her mom was waiting for a reply. "I need to stay  
here with him, mom. I'll sleep later, when he's out of the  
hospital and Spike has been scattered to the wind."  
  
***********  
  
Buffy returned to Xander's hospital room, after the herd  
of medical professionals had left. "Hey," she said with a smile.  
"So did you survive the onslaught?"  
  
"I think I convinced them I'm feeling okay," Xander replied.  
"After telling them about two hundred times, that is. I get the  
feeling they really weren't expecting me to wake up." He saw the  
look of sadness in Buffy's eyes. "They weren't, were  
they?"  
  
She sighed, and said, "They didn't exactly admit that, but I  
heard what they didn't say. I was so scared..." her voice broke,  
and she looked away.  
  
"Come here," Xander tugged on her hand, and she willingly fell  
into his arms.  
  
"Sorry," she said. "It's been a long couple of days. Guess it's  
catching up with me." She pulled away and managed a small  
smile.  
  
"You don't need to apologize," Xander replied, squeezing her hand  
comfortingly. "So you're going after Spike tonight?"  
  
"Yes," Buffy said. "And before you start to argue, we're going  
out in teams. Me and Giles, Oz and Willow. We're going to use  
walkie-talkies to stay in touch the whole time. All of us will be  
fine, Xan."  
  
"Promise me you won't do anything dangerous," Xander said.  
  
"I promise," Buffy said. "There have definitely been enough close  
calls around here for a while."  
  
"Well, I'm not sad that Spike will soon be dust," Xander said.  
  
"I'll do my best to make that happen," Buffy said, nodding. She  
stifled a yawn, and added, "And then I'll sleep."  
  
"_Have_ you slept lately?" Xander asked, a worried expression on  
his face.  
  
"Who needs sleep?" Buffy replied. At Xander's not-amused  
expression, she added, "I vaguely remember sleeping the night  
before you were attacked."   
  
"Buffy, you _need_ to go home and get some sleep," Xander  
insisted. "You can't fight Spike like this."  
  
"I don't want to sleep, I want to make sure you're okay," Buffy  
frowned.  
  
"I'm fine," Xander argued, "If you don't want me to worry, go  
home and sleep before you go out there tonight."  
  
Buffy opened her mouth to argue, but realized she'd lose the  
argument. *One thing I've learned about Xan, he's as stubborn as  
I am. If not more.* "Fine," she said with a sigh. "I'll go. But  
I'll come back after patrol, if that's okay with you?"  
  
"What do _you_ think," Xander threw her what could best be  
described a 'duh' look.  
  
"Okay, then. I'll see you later," Buffy said, and then surprised  
him by leaning down to kiss him on the cheek before leaving.  
  
*******  
  
"Anything?" Buffy asked on the walkie-talkie. She and the others  
had been through the streets of Sunnydale at least three times in  
four hours, and she was getting irritated.  
  
"Still nothing," Willow's voice answered .  
  
"I give up," she sat on a nearby bench and looked up at her  
Watcher. "I'm tired, Giles," she sighed. "If I've learned  
anything about Spike, I just know he's staying just out of sight,  
laughing hysterically at our total failure in finding him."  
  
Giles looked at his watch and replied, "I suppose you're right. We might as  
well call it an evening."  
  
"Thank you!" Buffy said, relieved. "I'm sure he'll show up sooner  
or later, he always does you know."  
  
"That's what I'm afraid of," Giles answered, but realized he was  
talking to himself, as Buffy had run off in the direction of the  
hospital. "I'm glad I get so much respect," he sighed, and  
followed her.  
  
********  



	39. Appearances are Deceiving

  
  
Buffy sneaked into Xander's hospital room while the nurses were  
switching shifts. She knew visiting hours were over, but she  
needed to be sure he was all right. She saw he was sleeping, and  
sat next to him for a while, not wanting to disturb him. She laid  
her head on the bed next to him, telling herself it was just for  
a few minutes.  
  
"Miss," Buffy awoke to the sound of a strange woman's voice. She  
looked up into the face of one of Xander's nurses.  
  
"Oh, I'm sorry," she apologized. "I didn't mean to fall asleep."  
  
"That's okay," the woman smiled at Buffy. "I actually came in  
here to bring you these," she handed her a blanket and pillow.  
"We aren't supposed to, but are known to make exceptions to the  
visiting hours for girlfriends."  
  
"Oh, I'm....glad," Buffy smiled back, shrugging off the  
misunderstanding. She accepted the items from the nurse. When the  
woman had left, Buffy made herself as comfortable as possible on  
the chair. She was asleep in a matter of minutes.  
  
*****  
She woke the next morning, and looked over to see Xander already  
awake. "Why didn't you wake me up when you got back?" he asked.  
  
"Probably the same reason you didn't wake me up when you woke,"  
Buffy replied with a smile, "I thought it was more important for  
you to get your rest. So how are you feeling?"  
  
"Less out of it," he replied. "The pain killers must have worn  
off."  
  
"Do you need more?" she asked, worried.  
  
"No, I'm okay," he replied. "So did you find Spike?"  
  
"Unfortunately, he's too good at hiding," Buffy said with a  
frown. "Sunnydale's a small town, though, if he stays here I'll  
find him."  
  
The day nurse walked in there, and glared at Buffy. "Apparently  
the other nurse let you stay, and I can't do anything about that,  
but you should leave now," she said. "Visiting hours are in a  
couple of hours."  
  
"Fine," Buffy rolled her eyes, "I'll be back, Xander."  
  
"Bye, Buff," Xander said.  
  
After Buffy had left, the woman commented, "You're lucky to have  
such a dedicated girlfriend," while changing the bandages.  
  
"She's not my girlfriend," Xander replied reluctantly.  
  
"Really," the woman said with a look of surprise, "Could've  
fooled me."  



	40. Plans

  
One week later  
  
Buffy stopped by Xander's house after school. He'd been released  
from the hospital for two days, but had not returned to school  
yet. She went down to the basement and found him sitting on his  
bed, in a t-shirt and jeans. She was happy to see that he was far  
less pale than he'd been at the hospital.  
  
"Hey," she greeted him.  
  
"Hey yourself," he grinned at her. "So how's school?"  
  
"It's school," Buffy shrugged. "How are you doing?"  
  
"I can eat solid foods now," Xander replied. "I must say that's a  
big improvement from soup. It doesn't hurt as much anymore  
either."  
  
"Did I mention thank you?" Buffy asked, sitting next to him. "You  
know you probably saved my life, and it wasn't the first time  
either."  
  
"It's nothing you wouldn't do for me," Xander shrugged.  
  
"Maybe," Buffy said, "but I'm still glad I have such a wonderful  
friend looking out for me." She smiled as he blushed under the  
compliment. "So the question I really came to ask, is when are  
you going to feel well enough to leave the house?"  
  
"The doctor said if I take it easy I can go out," Xander said.  
"Why, did you have something in mind?"  
  
"Well, yeah," Buffy replied. "Mom wants to cook you dinner,  
actually. As a kind of thank you for saving her daughter's life.  
So what do you think?"  
  
"You know I love your mom's cooking," Xander said with a smile,  
"When?"  
  
"Tonight?" Buffy suggested.  
  
"I can come tonight," Xander agreed. "You sure that's not too  
short of notice?"  
  
"Positive," Buffy replied. "The suggestion was right from mom.  
So, around six, okay?"  
  
"I'll be there," Xander agreed.  
  
"Good," Buffy smiled. "I need to run some errands so I'll see you  
tonight." She leaned over to hug him, and then left.  
  
*********  
  
"I can't believe you have to leave," Buffy said.  
  
"Sorry, Buffy, but it can't be helped," Joyce packed up the last  
of her clothes in her suitcase, and glanced over at her severely  
peeved daughter. "Dinner's in the oven, all you have to do is  
take it out in an hour."  
  
"Yeah, but...." Buffy sighed melodramatically, and shrugged.  
"Fine. Go."  
  
"Why are you so nervous?" Joyce asked, suppressing a grin. "It's  
just Xander. Shouldn't I trust him here without me as a  
chaperone?"  
  
"Yes!" Buffy yelled, giving her mom a panicked look. "Don't even  
joke about not letting him come over!"  
  
"Relax, I was just teasing," Joyce laughed. "Now," she closed up  
the suitcase, and looked up at her daughter. "You look beautiful.  
Have fun tonight." She hugged Buffy quickly and Buffy walked her  
to the door. "You're the Slayer, but can I still ask you to lock  
the door after me?" Joyce asked.  
  
Buffy laughed, "Yes, mother," she rolled her eyes. "Don't worry.  
Have a good trip."  
  
"I'll call you when I get there," Joyce said.  
  
"Uh-huh, I'll be fine," Buffy rolled her eyes for a second time.  
  
"Okay, Bye, sweetie!" Buffy watched her mom get in the car and  
drive down the street.  
  
As requested, she made sure the door was locked. She then  
returned to her bedroom to check her appearance once more in her  
mirror. Her black leather pants had won out in her clothing  
debate, and she'd topped it off with a red lacy blouse. She'd  
pulled her hair up in a ponytail, and was suddenly unhappy with  
it. She made a face at herself in the mirror, but the sound of  
the doorbell made the decision for her. "This will just have to  
do," she shrugged and went down to open the door."  
  
*********  



	41. Another Talk

  
Buffy ran down the stairs, and opened the door. She discovered she'd   
made the right choice in clothing, if Xander's expression was any   
hint. When he'd recovered the use of his voice, he grinned sheepishly   
at her, and said, "I think wow is just about all I have to say."   
  
She smiled back at him, and said, "Thanks, Xan. You look nice too,"   
she said, taking in his black slacks and blue button-down   
shirt. "Come on in, mom isn't here. She had a last-minute business   
trip, she just left," she called over her shoulder as she walked into   
the kitchen to check on the food.   
  
He followed her, and watched as she checked on the chicken in the   
oven. "Smells good," he commented.   
  
"I'm sure it will be," Buffy replied. "As long as I don't let it   
burn." She looked up at him, he was standing a few feet away leaning   
on the counter. "Let's go back into the den," she suggested. "You   
need to sit, you're still weak."   
  
"You're the boss," Xander shrugged and followed her into the den.  
  
They sat on the couch, and she looked down at her hands, feeling   
suddenly nervous. *Why are you being so silly? This is Xander, you   
can talk to him.*   
  
"So when are you going to tell me?" Xander asked.  
  
She knew what he'd been referring to, it had taken her a few days to   
get used to not having the ring on her finger. "I guess now," she   
smiled up at him.   
  
*Bad idea, train of thought just derailed* she realized as her eyes   
met his. *Why is it I feel like I could just look into those eyes   
forever and never get bored?*   
  
"Buff?" Xander pulled her from her internal musings, with a   
questioning look.   
  
"Sorry," she shook her head as if to clear her head. "Ring, gone,   
right. I took the ring off, and I returned it to its rightful owner.   
Or as close as I could. It's at the Mansion," Buffy said. "I was   
holding onto it for all the wrong reasons. I thought for so long that   
I deserved to suffer for what I had to do. But you, and the others,   
never let me keep thinking that way.  
  
And somewhere along the line, I started to let go. I realized last   
week that I'd already let go, and taking off the ring was just the   
final step in doing that.   
  
"It doesn't mean that I don't still have feelings for Angel," Buffy   
continued, "I'd be lying to myself if I pretended I didn't. But that   
doesn't mean there isn't room in my life for...someone else."   
  
She caught the time on her watch then, and jumped up, muttering   
something about chicken. Xander chuckled, and followed after her. He   
watched her for a moment, silently, letting himself daydream. This   
was a girl who, for the first time in Xander's life, made him think   
about the rest of his life. Occasionally he would let himself wish   
that she could love him as much as he loved her, that they could have   
a 'happily ever after ending'....  
  
Xander returned to reality, as he realized that Buffy was looking at   
him questioningly. "Sorry, Buff," he smiled, "did you say something?"   
  
"Just that dinner's ready," she smiled back at him. "Sit," she   
ordered, nodding to the kitchen table.   
  
"Like I said earlier, you're the boss," Xander grinned at her, and   
moved to sit. He watched as she put the plate of food in front of   
him, and said, "Didn't know you had a domestic streak."   
  
She raised an eyebrow at him, and shrugged, "You're getting special   
treatment because you deserve it," she said, sitting with her own   
plate, "but don't expect this all the time," she warned.   
  
"I wouldn't," Xander replied with a smile. "Spending time with you is   
good enough for me, I don't expect anything more than that.."  
  
Buffy smiled, that same line from any other guy would seem like a   
line, but from Xander she knew it was sincere.   
  
******  
An hour later after dinner, they wandered back into the den. "Please   
tell your mom for me that was the best meal I've had in a long time,"   
Xander said.   
  
"I will," Buffy replied. She sat on the couch next to him, and was at   
a loss for words again. She looked at the floor, looked at the wall,   
and decided the floor needed more studying.   
  
"Buffy?" Xander placed his hand under her chin, and turned her to   
face him. "What's up? There's obviously something bothering you."   
  
"No," she smiled reassuringly, and took his hand in hers. "Nothing's   
bothering me, it's just that I'm trying to figure out how to say   
something, and I'm finding it a little bit more difficult than I   
thought it would be."   
  
"You can tell me anything," Xander replied, "You know that, right?"   
  
"Yeah, I do," Buffy said with a smile. You've been such a great   
friend to me, Xan. You kept me from losing it so many times, just by   
being there. You've become such an important part of my life, and I   
think I've taken that for granted.   
  
But I was snapped out of that attitude when you almost died. I've   
never been so scared in my life, Xander. And I had a lot of time to   
think, and ask myself why the thought of losing you scared me so much   
more than losing Angel.   
  
You're my best friend, Xander, and I can't imagine what my life would   
be without you in it. I care about you so much. What I said earlier   
about finally having room in my life for someone else, I wasn't   
talking about just any someone else. I was talking about...you." This   
last word was almost a whisper.   
  
She watched him as he processed what she'd said. "What?" he finally   
said. He refused to believe his ears, he thought he was   
misunderstanding something.  
  
She took a deep breath, and forced herself to look into his eyes. "I   
said goodbye to Angel one last time, so I could move on with someone   
else. With my best friend, who loves me so much more than I deserve.   
But I want to try to deserve it. I've loved you as my friend for so   
long, Xan, but now I think I'm falling in love with you."   
  
Xander looked at her silently, trying to prod his brain to catch up   
with what his ears had just heard. "Did you," he said hoarsely, and   
tried again. "Did you just say what I think you said?" he asked. He   
had turned to face her, his hand still captured in hers.   
  
She smiled, and took his other hand. She looked up at him and   
said, "If you heard me say that I'm falling in love with you, then   
yes."   
  
"That's what I thought I heard, but you never know. I could be   
delusional. It could be the painkillers. Or maybe it's a dream, and   
I'm going to wake up and this whole night never happened. And if that   
was the case, I'd be really really upset."   
  
"It's not a dream, Xan," Buffy said, reaching up to stroke his cheek   
gently. "I love you, and I'm yours, if you still want me."   
  
"If I want you???" Xander said incredulously. "How can you even ask   
me that question?"  
  
"I guess because I'm afraid," she admitted softly.  
  
"Afraid????" Xander asked, taking her face in his hands. "What on   
earth are you afraid of? Don't you know how much I love you?"   
  
"I've rejected you so many times," Buffy replied. "I guess I wasn't   
sure you'd still be waiting when I finally faced my feelings.  
  
"I'm not the type to just stop loving someone because it's tough,"   
Xander replied. "I love you, Buffy Summers, and nothing is ever going   
to stop me."  
  
"I was hoping you'd say that," Buffy said, and hugged him.   
  
"I know I've let you down in the past, but it will never happen   
again." Xander said into her hair, "I promise I will always try my   
hardest to keep you safe and happy."  
  
"You already do," Buffy looked up at him then. Their eyes met and   
locked for a full minute. Xander pulled away, to Buffy's   
disappointment.   
  
"Don't look at me like that," he said. "I want to take things slow. I   
want this to be perfect."  
  
"I guess I can't argue with that," Buffy shrugged. "Well, I can, but   
I won't."   
  
"Good," Xander said with a smile. "So, will you go out with me   
tomorrow?"   
  
"Of course I will," Buffy replied. "Where?"   
  
"Well, our options being limited..." Xander trailed off.   
  
She shrugged, "Bronze it is, I guess."   
  
"When are we going to tell the others?" Xander asked.  
  
"Tomorrow afternoon," Buffy said.   
  
"You're sure you're okay with that?"   
  
"Xander, I have no intention of backing out of this. Now, if you do--  
"   
  
"No!" Xander interrupted quickly, and the panicked look on his face   
caused Buffy to giggle.   
  
"Okay, sorry I suggested it," Buffy said with a smile. "We'll get   
everyone together in the library around lunch. Does that sound good?"   
  
"Yeah," Xander said. "Well, I should go," he said, standing up. Buffy   
walked him to the door, and he turned back, saying, "Well, good   
night."   
  
"Good night, Xan," Buffy said. Sheput her arms around his neck and   
raised up on her toes to kiss him on the cheek. He put his hand to   
his face in shock, and she rolled her eyes at him. "How melodramatic.   
Go home."   
  
Xander grinned at her. "Bye."   
  
She watched him walk down the street and out of sight, before she   
returned inside. She went up to her room, and for the first time in   
three months fell asleep with a smile on her face.  
  
**********  



	42. Telling Everyone

Buffy smiled when she heard the doorbell. Although it hadn't been   
mentioned, she'd known Xander would show up to walk her to school   
this morning. She made her way downstairs, and opened the door to   
him. "I'm almost ready," she said hurriedly. "Sit, I'll be back," she   
added, running back upstairs.   
  
She gathered the rest of her books together in her bag, and ran   
downstairs again. "'Kay, now we can go," she said. She looked at her   
watch, and realized they had ten minutes before school started, and   
took a deep breath. "I'm usually running late," she said, explaining   
her hurried mood. She walked over to where he was standing, and   
said, "Hi." She wrapped her arms around his waist, hugging him.   
  
He held her close, arms around her waist, and she felt him breathe a   
sigh of relief. At her questioning look up at him, he said, "The   
pessimist in me has been telling me that you'd decide last night was   
a mistake."   
  
"Not likely," Buffy said confidently. "I've had no second thoughts   
about this, Xan. This is one of the few things in my life that I've   
done that feels completely and totally right."   
  
She watched the worry disappear from his face, replaced by hope, and   
smiled. "That's more like it," she said, letting go of him and   
stepping back. "I guess we should go to school now?"   
  
"I suppose," Xander sighed.  
  
"You mean you don't want to tell everyone we're together?" Buffy gave   
him a look.   
  
"Let's go," Xander said quickly, practically dragging her out of the   
door to the sound of Buffy's laughing.   
  
*******  
Homeroom  
  
Buffy and Xander walked into class hand-in-hand, and Buffy was the   
first to notice Willow's expression of complete shock, quickly   
replaced that with a thrilled grin. Buffy smiled back. "I think she   
figured it out," she said to Xander, nodding to Willow.   
  
"Oh," Xander shrugged with a grin. "She usually does spoil all the   
surprises." He sighed melodramatically.   
  
"Hey, you can tell me, and I'll act surprised," Willow offered.   
  
"That's not the same thing," Xander pouted.   
  
"Well, if it makes you feel any better, we'll get a much better   
reaction out of Giles," Buffy said. "He never notices anything like   
that..."   
  
*****  
Two hours later  
  
"That's nice," Giles murmured from behind the book he was reading on   
the history of the Hellmouth.   
  
"That's nice???" Buffy stared at Giles in utter disbelief, "You're   
not surprised at all?" She'd just told Giles that she and Xander were   
together, and he'd replied in typical Giles-fashion.  
  
"Hm?" Giles looked up at her, and realized she had expected a much   
more profound reaction. "Oh, of course. I'm shocked! I'm completely   
dumbfounded! There, is that better?" he questioned.   
  
"You are just impossible!" Buffy screamed in frustration. She caught   
the twinkle in his eye, then and shook her head. "Who would've   
thought _you'd_ develop a sense of humor?"   
  
"It was inevitable, spending so much time with all of you," Giles   
replied calmly. "Regardless, as your friend, I'm happy for you,   
Buffy. As your Watcher--"   
  
"I know, I know," Buffy rolled her eyes. "Don't let it interfere with   
my calling, my duty to the world, blah blah blah."   
  
"More or less," Giles replied.   
  
"Well, I know all that," Buffy said. "And us being together is not   
going to get in the way of me being the Slayer. One thing that   
usually gets in the way when I'm dating someone is how to tell them.   
Well, Xander already knows. Another thing is they usually feel   
neglected because I spend so much time patrolling."   
  
"If that happens, I'll just help you patrol," Xander offered with a   
smile.   
  
"There, see?" Buffy said. "Nothing to get in the way of my calling."   
  
"Speaking of your Calling," Giles replied, "I'll be here tonight. The   
night before the full moon, and apparently Willow's family is having   
a family get-together. She can't get away for Wolf-watching, so I   
agreed to do it."  
  
"Okay, so I'll stop by before Patrol, okay?" Buffy smiled at him, and   
took Xander by the hand, leading him out into the hallway.  
  
*********  



	43. Night of the Wolf

Buffy arrived at the school library shortly before sundown. Oz was   
already in his cage, and waved at her. "Hey, Oz," Buffy smiled at   
him.   
  
"So, Giles, what's the big bad for the night?" she asked. Giles   
was...somewhere. She looked around, for him. "Giles?" She looked back   
as the door opened and Xander wandered in.   
  
He grinned at her sheepishly, "I was bored," he shrugged.   
  
She smiled back, "So that's what I am? A cure for boredom?"   
  
"No," Xander replied. "Fighting demons is a cure for boredom. You're   
just a welcome addition to that fun." He moved to talk to Oz then.  
  
Giles walked out from his office. "Oh, hello, Buffy," he said. "I   
thought I heard your voice. I've just been told that Spike has been   
making more of a nuisance of himself lately," Giles said.   
  
"And?" Buffy asked. This was nothing new to her, Spike and nuisance   
were synonymous in her expreience.  
  
"Eventually he's going to try to go after you again."   
  
"Sorry, still stuck on...and?" Buffy said again. She moved to sit   
next to Xander at the table, adding, "Not trying to be annoying, but   
the life in danger theme is not something I'm unfamiliar with."  
  
Giles sighed, and said, "I'm just trying to warn you, that when you   
go on Patrol tonight, you should be careful."   
  
"Got it. Careful." Buffy nodded helpfully. She smiled as Xander   
reached over for her hand, and added, "And Xander will come along and   
help keep me safe."   
  
"I will?" Xander asked in surprise.   
  
"Oh, if you _don't_ want to spend time with me, that's fine..." Buffy   
sighed.   
  
"Blackmail is not amusing," Xander frowned. "Of course I'll go with   
you. I thought we were going to the Bronze tonight, though?"   
  
"We can still do that, after patrol," Buffy assured him with a smile.   
*You're not getting out of a date with me that easily.* She grinned   
wider as Xander's entire face brightened at that. *Okay, so that   
wasn't what you were trying.* she realized.  
  
"Well, I'll be here," Giles said unnecessarily as Oz-wolf leapt at   
his cage wall.  
  
"I get that," Buffy replied. "We'll stop by here after Patrol."   
*********  
Sunnydale Cemetery #21  
10 pm  
  
"No vamps, no demons, no Spike, just boredom," Buffy said as they   
reached the last cemetery of the evening.   
  
"Works for me," Xander said.   
  
"Okay, now we go to the Bronze for our first..." Buffy trailed off as   
she sensed something nearby. She squeezed Xander's hand and then   
dropped it, nodding toward a large mausoleum about twenty feet in   
front of them. She pulled her stake out of her pocket, and walked   
toward the mausoleum.  
  
"Figures," Xander muttered. He had a stake of his own, and followed   
Buffy. "LOOK OUT!" he yelled. Buffy turned to see the flash of yellow   
eyes, and fell to the ground on her back, using her legs to propel   
the wolf over and off her. "Buffy!" Xander ran over to her, and   
helped her up, checking for injury.   
  
"I'm fine," she said quickly, looking for the werewolf that had   
attacked. "That's not Oz is it?"   
  
"He's at the library with Giles," Xander said. "Isn't he?"   
  
"Giles would have found a way to tell us if Oz got loose," Buffy   
replied, not sounding certain in the least.   
  
"How sure are you?" Xander wondered.   
  
"Not," Buffy admitted. "Well, it's gone," she shrugged. "I say we get   
back to the library to find out what exactly we're chasing." She and   
Xander ran to the highschool.  
  
"Giles!" Buffy and Xander burst into the library, and both jumped as   
Oz-wolf snarled from inside the cage. "Oh, thank God," Buffy   
said, "He's still there."   
  
"Who's still where?" Giles wondered as he emerged from behind a   
bookshelf upstairs.   
  
Buffy looked up and said, "There's a Werewolf on the loose, and for a   
second we were afraid it was Oz. So I need a tranquilizer gun."   
  
"There's a trunk of supplies in my office," Giles replied.   
  
Buffy walked into the office, and quickly found what she needed. She   
walked back out into the library, and smiled apologetically at   
Xander, "Sorry our date has gotten so delayed."   
  
"That's okay," Xander said with a smile. "I've always known if we   
made it this far that it wouldn't be the most typical of   
relationships. And I wouldn't have it any other way."   
  
Buffy walked up to him and hugged him, saying, "You're just too   
amazing, you know."   
  
"I'll have to figure out how to make you keep thinking that," Xander   
smiled down at her.   
  
"Ahem," Giles interrupted. "Werewolf running loose in the streets of   
Sunnydale?"   
  
"Right," Buffy nodded, stepping away from Xander. "Let's go Xan," she   
said, and they left to find the wolf.   
  
***********  
There it is," Xander pointed across the street. Buffy looked, and saw   
the werewolf. She ran toward it, needing to get into within twenty   
feet to get a good shot. It saw her, and took off full-speed. Buffy   
followed it down the street. It reached the end of a row of houses,   
and Buffy shot at it. It snarled and turned to face her.   
  
"Here Puppy," Buffy called. The wolf ran toward her, but fell   
unconscious about five feet away.   
  
Buffy looked over at Xander, who had just caught up with her. "Well,   
whatd'you think?" she asked him.   
  
"I think..." Xander gasped, "I need..." another breath "to work out   
more," he finally finished with a grin.   
  
"Besides that," Buffy replied, rolling her eyes. "Who's going to call   
Giles and tell him we need a means of transportation for the   
werewolf. Unless you want to try to carry it back..."   
  
"Not likely," Xander shook his head. "Well, the nearest phone is   
about a block that way," he pointed behind him. "There's a 7-11."  
  
Buffy sighed, and turned to look at the house in front of them. It   
was a two-story, wood exterior, a long wrap-around porch extending   
along three sides. "I've always wondered about that place. It's been   
abandoned as long as I've been here."  
  
"It's one of those houses every town has," Xander shrugged. "Story   
goes that it's cursed. Everyone who's lived there has committed   
suicide."   
  
"It wouldn't surprise me if it was cursed. We've seen stranger   
things. And I _do_ get a funny feeling about it," Buffy said   
frowning.   
  
"Define funny feeling," Xander requested.  
  
"It's not right," she said, shaking her head. To reinforce that idea,   
she saw twenty vampires approaching the house from the other end of   
the street. She grabbed Xander and they ducked behind a nearby   
car. "It's a party," Xander remarked as they watched the vampires   
enter the house.   
  
*********  



	44. Patrol is Never Simple

  
  
Buffy looked over at him. "That's one way to put it." She sighed. "I   
know how to handle this the safest way for us, but it won't be pretty."  
  
"And that would be?" Xander asked.   
  
"A little arson in the interest of protecting humanity," Buffy   
replied. "Wouldn't be the first time I did it."   
  
"So what's holding you back?" Xander wondered.   
  
"It won't be pretty," Buffy repeated. "If you've never heard the dying   
screams as they're burned to a crisp, I envy you."   
  
"It's your call," Xander said. "Whether we go in with stakes or   
attack with fire, it's all the same in the end, right?"   
  
"Yes," Buffy admitted, nodding. "But first we need to find out   
how many exits there are. You take one side, I'll take the other, and   
we'll meet at the back of the house. Stay out of sight."   
  
Xander nodded and they parted. Buffy walked slowly, keeping an eye   
on the house and on Xander until he disappeared from view. She   
stepped back further into the shadows as ten more vampires entered   
the house. "That's got to be a large chunk of the vampire population   
of this town," Buffy said. "I hope." She didn't see any door except   
the front door. She was overcome with relief when she saw Xander approaching   
as they both reached the back of the house.   
  
"Hey," she whispered. "Anything?"   
  
"Just the front door," Xander whispered back. "And two windows along   
the side."   
  
"Two more windows at the front, two more on the other side, and two   
in back." Buffy said, leading him back to the front of the house, and   
down the street ten feet. They ducked behind the same car as earlier.   
"That makes ten possible exits. Just on the first floor. We need help."   
  
"If we leave, we risk the vampires getting away," Xander pointed out  
  
"_We_ aren't leaving," Buffy said, shaking her head. "You are." She   
braced herself, knowing he would argue. She wasn't wrong.  
  
"Like hell I am!" he said. "I saw the other vamps walk in a while   
ago, Buffy. That makes at least thirty, and for all we know there   
are others who were already there before we got here. I will _not_   
leave you to deal with them alone." He crossed his arms in front of   
his chest, signifying he was not going to budge on the issue.  
  
"Xander, I'm not telling you to leave for good," Buffy argued,  
looking back at the house. She had to keep an eye on the exits.   
"Just run down the street, call Giles, Giles can get Willow.   
If it was just the vamps, I might say leave them for another night,   
but that wolf is going to wake up in an hour. Please, please, please   
go call Giles. He'll at least have some ideas, even if he doesn't   
want to leave Oz. You'll only be gone five minutes, ten minutes   
maximum."   
  
"I..." Xander hesitated, and Buffy knew she'd won the   
argument. "Fine. But I'll be back so fast you won't even know I was   
gone." He looked at her, and she saw the worry in his eyes.   
  
"Xan," she laid her hand against his cheek, "I'll be fine. Get help,   
I'll be right here, waiting for you, when you get back."   
  
Xander took that hand in his, and raised it to his lips, kissing the   
palm gently, taking Buffy's breath away.   
  
"Love you," he whispered softly before dropping the hand and rushing   
off to get the others.   
  
When Buffy could form a thought, it was, "Before the end of this   
night, Xander Harris, you are _going_ to kiss me."   
  
*****  



	45. Playing with Fire

12 am  
  
Buffy looked at her watch nervously as she saw ten more vampires   
approach the house and enter. "Party isn't even close to accurate,"   
she muttered. "This is a vampire orgy...EW!" she wrinkled her nose at   
the unwelcome mental images induced by that thought.   
  
She looked over as the wolf nearby growled in its sleep. "Hurry,   
Xander," she said softly.   
  
****  
  
"Giles, I'm not going to stand here and argue with you. Are you   
coming to help? Or do you have a better idea of how to deal with a   
house of 30-plus vampires?" Xander was feeling very nervous being so   
far away from where Buffy might be getting hurt or worse.   
  
He sighed in response to something that Giles had said, "Fire, yeah.   
We figured that much. So are you coming? Good, thank you." Xander   
hung the phone back up and broke into a run, to return to the vampire-  
house.  
  
*****  
  
Buffy looked down the street and saw Xander approaching. "Finally."   
  
"Good, you're still here," Xander said, panting for breath.   
  
"Where else would I be?" she asked. She grabbed him by the hand and   
tugged hard, "Down!" she whispered. They watched as a vampire walked   
out to the front porch, and looked around. After five minutes he   
returned to the house.   
  
"Suspicious bunch," Buffy said. "There they are!" she nodded to   
Giles' car which had stopped about five houses down. Giles and   
Willow jumped out and ran over to them. Willow had a make-shift   
stretcher. "Where--" Willow didn't have to finish the sentence, she   
saw the wolf. They silently shoved/pulled the wolf onto the   
stretcher, then Xander and Giles carried it to Giles' car, where   
Giles had a cage in the back seat.   
  
When they'd returned, they had three large gasoline cans. "Willow has   
a spell to keep them inside the house, but it may not last very long"   
Giles said. "Which means we will all have to work fast and   
simultaneously. Once the vampires realize what is going on, they will   
fight that spell, and eventually try to get out. When that happens,   
be careful. Demons are dangerous in all situations, but even more so   
when their survival is threatened."  
  
"No kidding," Buffy said with a roll of her eyes.   
  
Giles regarded her, then remembered. "Oh, yes. You've done this   
before."   
  
"Yeah, except it was a gymnasium, I was alone, and I thought it would   
be the last time I ever had that kind of fun."   
  
Willow dumped a pile of cloth strips on the ground. "To get the fire   
going easier."   
  
"Very good. Willow whenever you're ready?" Giles said.   
  
Willow nodded, and started chanting softly. Buffy kept her attention   
on the house, and after several minutes heard Willow say, "Now."   
  
Willow remained behind, still chanting, as the others ran ran toward   
the house, as quickly and as silently as possible. Buffy reached the   
back of the house, and first splashed gasoline on the wall. Then she   
broke in the windows, and heard the others doing the same. Then she   
began dousing the rags in gasoline and tossing them inside.   
  
The screams of rage and fear soon began, and Buffy tried to close her   
mind to them. A male vampire ran out of the door, and turned on   
Buffy. He jumped at her, and she splashed gasoline on him. He   
sputtered, and looked at her confusedly. She didn't give him time to   
figure it out, she quickly lit a match and threw it on him. She felt   
nauseous as she smelled the burning flesh, the creature fell to the   
ground, rolling, attempting to put out the flames. Buffy reached into   
her jacket pocket and retrieved her stake, putting the vamp out of   
its misery. She then staked the next two vamps which ran out of the   
door, and piled the remainder of the rags at the front door, lighting   
them on fire. She stepped back as the flames began to take over the   
porch and the back wall of the house.   
  
*Why were the vampires getting out?* she wondered, remembering   
Willow's spell. She looked over to see that Willow was fighting a   
vampire, who had somehow managed to distract her from the spell and   
was now trying to bite her. Buffy was about to go to her friend's   
assistance when she saw that Giles had run over and staked the   
vampire. Willow then returned to the spell, and Buffy watched in   
amusement as a vampire ran at the open back door, but bounced back   
off the invisible barrier and into the house again.   
  
She went to the side of the house that had not been set aflame yet,   
and splashed more gasoline on the walls. She broke through the   
window, and threw in several burning strips of cloth. "Die already,"   
she muttered, wishing she could block out the sounds of the burning   
demons better. The life of a Slayer is never dull," she added   
sarcastically.   
  
*********  



	46. Aftermath

2 am  
  
Buffy was finally convinced the house was beyond any possibility of   
the vampires escaping, and moved back to the front of the house and   
stood with Willow.  
  
She saw Xander approaching from the other side of the house, and   
Giles from the front. "Anybody hurt?" Buffy asked. Both men shook   
their heads. "Good." She looked over at Willow, who was still   
chanting. "She's freaky when she does that."   
  
"Quite," Giles agreed. "She's a little too good at it," he   
added. "Well, I'd better go check on the wolf." He went over to the   
car.   
  
Buffy took Xander's hand, and said, "Well, I never said life with me   
would be boring."   
  
Xander laughed, "No, it's definitely never boring," he agreed.   
  
A collective inhuman wail rose from the vampires then, and Buffy   
shuddered. "I hate that part," she said with a frown. Xander pulled   
her into his arms, and she went willingly. She sighed happily as he   
wrapped his arms around her comfortingly. "That's better," she said.   
  
******  
4 am   
  
Buffy, Willow, Xander and Giles picked through the burned structure,   
looking for any vampires which had survived the fire. Buffy was glad   
they hadn't found any. "Giles?" she called upstairs.   
  
"We're fine," Willow called back down.   
  
"Good," Buffy said. "Xan?"   
  
"Yeah?" he said from right behind her. She jumped, whirled and   
smacked him on the arm. "Don't do that!" she yelled.   
  
"Ow!" Xander said with a grin. "Sorry, I thought I was being funny."   
  
Buffy rolled her eyes, and said, "Any place we've missed?"   
  
"Closet," Xander pointed to what must have been a coat closet near   
the front door.   
  
Buffy walked over and opened it, not expecting the vampire to jump   
out at her. "Agh!" she yelled, as he grabbed her by the arms,   
throwing her across the room.   
  
"Buffy!" Xander yelled.   
  
"No!" Buffy said, "Go get him!" Xander nodded and ran after the   
vampire, who'd run out the front door.   
  
"What happened?" Willow asked as she and Giles rushed down the   
stairs.   
  
"Stray vampire," Buffy said, getting to her feet. "Xander went after   
it."   
  
"So is that all of them?" Giles asked.   
  
"Yes, let's..." Buffy looked up as they heard creaking from the   
house. "..get out of here?" she suggested. They ran out of the house   
and looked back to see the entire house crumble to the ground. Buffy   
heard the firetruck siren first. "We should go," she said. "The other   
good guys will be here soon, and I don't want to explain what we're   
doing here."   
  
"Wait for me," Xander said walking up.   
  
"Get it?" Buffy asked.   
  
"Of course I did," Xander said. "You think I'd dare come back if I   
didn't?" he joked.   
  
"Well, Buffy's right," Giles said. "We do need to disappear before   
the police show up. Xander, Buffy do you need a ride?"   
  
"No," Buffy said. "I need to walk. I'm too wired."   
  
"Okay then," Xander shrugged. "We walk."   
  
"Be careful," Giles said, and he and Willow left.   
  
******* 


	47. Perfect Evening

6 am  
  
"You didn't have to stay," Buffy said. Xander just gave her a look in   
reply. Buffy laughed, "Okay, dumb thing to say," she admitted, taking   
his hand. They walked for a few minutes in silence, and Buffy sensed   
Xander looking over at her occasionally. She smiled after a few   
times, and looked at him, saying, "If you've got something you want   
to say, say it."   
  
"I was just thinking this was far from the perfect evening I had   
planned," Xander said.   
  
"It was fine," Buffy replied, squeezing his hand. She stopped walking   
and turned to face him, adding, "It was, in fact, pretty perfect,   
because I spent it with you." She smiled wider when his face lit up   
in response. "We really need to work on your self-confidence skills,"   
she said.   
  
"It will take a while for everything to sink in," Xander replied.   
They were near a park bench, and he asked, "You wanna sit for a few   
minutes?"   
  
"The sun will be up soon," Buffy said. "It's been forever since I've   
watched a sunrise."   
  
"We could do that," Xander suggested. Buffy nodded, and they sat side-  
by-side on the table, hands still linked.   
  
Again, she sensed him looking at her, then looking away, repeatedly.   
She finally caught him in the act, and he smiled self-consciously,   
looking away. He looked back at her though, and there was a moment   
when Buffy forgot how to breathe. She reminded herself it was   
necessary however, and managed to take a deep breath. She continued   
to meet his gaze, and vaguely realized that he'd dropped her hand to   
put his arm around her waist, pulling her closer. His head also moved   
closer to hers, and it seemed that it took forever. But finally he   
kissed her. It was soft and tender, and all too fast as far as Buffy   
was concerned. He pulled away and leaned his forehead against hers,   
looking into her eyes.   
  
Buffy could see the uncertainty in his expression, and she smiled at   
him. "Not bad," she said. "But I know you can do better than that."   
  
Xander grinned, "Is that a challenge?" Before Buffy could reply, his   
lips descended on hers, and this was far different from their first   
kiss. This was a passionate kiss which told her the depth of emotion   
he felt for her far better than any words. His tongue brushed against   
her lips requesting entrance, and she granted it. She shivered with   
pleasure at the feelings he was invoking with that kiss, and smiled   
as he wrapped his arms around her, holding her tighter. She had to   
break the kiss first, and explained, "Gotta breathe," gasping for   
breath.   
  
Xander smiled at her, and said, "You were saying???" with a wink.   
  
"What?" she looked at him innocently. "All I said was you could do   
better, and I was right." She realized then that she'd somehow ended   
up sitting sideways across his lap, and frowned. "Now how did that   
happen?" she wondered.   
  
"Not sure," Xander replied with a shrug. "I think it's a good place   
for you to be, though," he added, wrapping his arms tighter around   
her waist.   
  
"No argument from me," Buffy said. She laid her head on his shoulder   
and wrapped her arms around his waist, sighing contentedly. "And   
there's the sunrise. Yeah, Xan, I'd say this was a perfect evening."   
  



	48. The Last to Know

Later that Morning  
  
Buffy stopped in at the house to shower, change, and eat. When she   
was in the kitchen eating, she said, "Sorry about the disappearing   
act again. Nasty demon removal activity last night that lasted until   
about two hours ago. Then I just kind of hung out with Xander for a   
while."   
  
She looked up to see her mom smiling at her, "Now what is that look   
for?" she wondered. "Oh, you know what, I forgot to tell you. Xander   
and I are kind of dating now."   
  
"I know," Joyce said, nodding.   
  
"You know????" Buffy yelled in surprise. "How the hell do you know?!"   
  
"I'm your mother," Joyce replied simply.   
  
"And that equals psychic?"   
  
"I've watched you date for three years, Buffy," Joyce said with a   
smile. "I think I've picked up on the signs of impending couple   
status by now."   
  
"Geez, I would've liked to surprise just one person by this turn of   
events," Buffy muttered, shaking her head. "Guess I don't have too   
feel bad that you were the last to know, then. Wait a minute, was I   
the last to know?" she said, looking up at her mother questioningly.   
Joyce just grinned in reply.   
  
"Why doesn't my Slayer sense come in handy in those situations?"   
  
"It probably makes it more difficult for you, because you have so   
many other things to worry about," Joyce replied. "But as long as you   
did figure it out, everything turned out okay."   
  
Buffy looked up at a knock from the door, and smiled, "And that would   
be the guy in question," she said. She stood, grabbed her bookbag,   
and hugged her mom, "Bye!"   
  
"Bye," Joyce called after her. "Bring Xander over for dinner   
tonight!"   
  
She laughed as she heard "Okay!" as Xander answered eagerly for Buffy.  
  
*****  
  
"So I told Giles, and it didn't surprise him, I told mom and it   
didn't surprise him," Buffy said, as she and Xander walked to   
school. "And Willow knew before I said anything..." She   
shrugged, "Well, I guess we've told everyone. Oh, what about your   
family? I've never met your dad--"   
  
"He travels," Xander said quickly. "Truck driver."   
  
"Oh," Buffy nodded, "Well, what about your mom. Are you going to tell   
her about us?"   
  
"She already knows about my end," Xander confessed with a smile. "I   
talk to her a lot...I hope you don't mind?"   
  
"Of course not," Buffy replied. "So you get along with your mom,   
that's always a good thing. Am I going to meet your dad any time   
soon?" she asked.   
  
"Uh, maybe," Xander said vaguely.   
  
"Okay," Buffy looked at him curiously, but didn't press the matter.   
*Okay, so he's got dad issues. Nothing new.*  
  
************  



	49. First Date

That evening  
  
Buffy contemplated her closet, after emptying half of it of clothes   
that just weren't right for the evening. "It's just Xander," she told   
herself. She sighed and shook her head, "Sorry, Buffy that excuse   
doesn't work anymore. No more 'just Xander'. This is 'Xander the guy   
you're dating', and this is really your first date. Last night was   
nice...well, this morning, really but whatever. You smelled like dead   
vampires and gasoline, looked like hell, and that's generally the way   
things go. Tonight, though, is going to be different. You're going to   
look incredible for once in your life.  
  
She finally decided. She usually didn't wear white, due to her Slayer   
training. "Wear dark colors so as not to draw attention to yourself,"   
she repeated to herself now. She snorted with laughter. "Well, I want   
to draw attention to myself tonight. Besides it sets off my tan."   
  
  
Xander walked up to the front door, and ran his hand through his hair   
nervously. "Nervous? Me? Never," he chuckled nervously, before   
knocking. Joyce answered and smiled warmly at him. "Hello, Xander,"   
she stepped back to let him enter. "I think Buffy's almost ready. I   
know she's up there, anyway," she shrugged glancing up toward Buffy's   
door. "I've heard banging of doors and muttered curses...I think   
she's having wardrobe issues," Joyce smiled, and led the way into the   
den.  
  
"She shouldn't," Xander replied. "She always looks amazing."   
  
Joyce looked at him, and smiled again, repressing a laugh when he   
blushed. "I am very glad you think so. Just keep telling her that.   
She has a very bad self-image, probably not helped by the fact her   
father lives only two hours away but never has time to see her."   
  
"Show me someone who claims not to have issues with at least one   
parent, and I'll show you a liar," Xander replied.   
  
Joyce looked at the boy searchingly, but his face was closed off. She   
had asked Buffy some questions about Xander's family, but Buffy   
hadn't had much information to tell. Just that Xander's mom   
was 'nice' and Xander's father traveled, so Buffy hadn't met him yet.   
But Joyce had noticed he was much more sensitive to people's feelings   
than most young men his age. Maybe that was partly because he wished   
others were that way at home...   
  
Joyce shook herself of the thoughts, as she saw Buffy descending the   
stairs behind him. She smiled. *For once, she looks like a girl, and   
not a ...well.*   
  
  
Xander caught her look past him, and turned to look as well. His   
mouth dropped open, and he remembered to shut it again. He was glad   
his mother's ingrained upbringing had prodded him to stand when he   
saw her, because he wouldn't have had the brain power to think to do   
so otherwise. Buffy was wearing a white blouse and skirt. The blouse   
was simple enough, button-down, short-sleeved with embroidered   
patterns. He then let his gaze fall lower. Bad idea. The white skirt   
was ankle length, but there was a long slit on the right side that   
went up the right leg to mid-thigh. *Damn.*   
  
He looked up into her face quickly, as he heard her giggle. "Oh, man.   
Did I say that out loud?" he wondered.   
  
  
Buffy nodded, still grinning at him, and he grinned back sheepishly.   
  
"Don't worry about it," she said. "That was one of the best   
compliments I've ever gotten." She had been amused at his reaction,   
but was glad it gave her the time to admire his choice of clothing.   
Xander liked to pretend otherwise, but he did have good fashion   
sense, as Buffy had learned. He went for comfort at school and in   
slaying, but even then, he had a style which matched his carefree   
mood.  
  
Tonight he'd gone for impressive, Buffy had to admit. He was wearing   
black pants, but the shirt was what she liked. It was a long-sleeved   
button down shirt, and the chocolate color pretty much exactly   
matched that of his eyes.   
  
She walked up to him, and threaded her fingers through his as they   
sat on the couch together. Joyce exchanged a look with her daughter,   
and then said, "Oh, I need to check on the dinner."   
  
  
"Finally," Buffy smiled at him. She turned and grabbed the lapels of   
his shirt, pulling him to her in a kiss. Xander wrapped his arms   
around her waist, and she sighed against his mouth.   
  
  
He was the one to break the kiss and he grinned at her. "Messed up   
your lipstick," he chuckled.   
  
"Oh," Buffy giggled back, and grabbed a tissue, wiping it off her   
face. She handed him another so he could do the same. "Good timing,   
here she comes again," she added as she heard her mom's footsteps.   
  
  
"Dinner's ready," Joyce peeked in to say. They followed her into the   
dining room, to the aroma of baked chicken, potatoes, and many other   
wonderful smells.   
  
"Joyce, that smells so good," Xander commented. "Looks good too," he   
added as they sat at the fully-loaded table.   
  
"Thanks, Xander," Joyce replied. "I'm always happy to cook for   
someone who appreciates it. Or notices." This accompanied by a   
pointed look at Buffy. Her eyes were teasing though, so Buffy didn't   
take it as an accusation.  
  
"Hey, complain to Giles," Buffy protested, playing along. "He's the   
one that's always insisting I have to slay demons. How dare he," she   
giggled.   
  
Joyce looked at her for a moment, and then at Xander, with a 'See   
what I have to put up with?' look. "Well, I just wish you could spend   
more time being a seventeen year old girl, and less with the weight   
of the world on your shoulders."   
  
"And this, Xan, is the way ninety percent of our conversations go,"   
Buffy said, rolling her eyes.   
  
"I've accepted your role in life, Buffy," Joyce said. "I just don't   
like it, and nobody said I had to."   
  
"I don't _like_ it mom," Buffy said. "You think I like to be faced   
the deaths of me and all the people I love everytime I go out there?   
I don't. I _do_ know that if I can save anyone along the way, though,   
it's worth it."   
  
"It is," Joyce said. "I just...am not going to continue ruining this   
evening. I'm going to go get the iced tea and bring it out here."   
  
Xander looked at the still-full glasses, and gave Buffy a confused   
look.  
  
  
"Mom and denial are really close friends," Buffy sighed. "Giles told   
me she asked him if there was another Slayer. One to replace Kendra."   
  
"What did Giles say?" Xander asked.   
  
"He said there isn't. She was disappointed. Guess she wants me to   
retire, and not the typical Slayer way.   
  
"Don't say that," Xander gave her a sharp look. "You're going to live   
a very long life, and that's all there is to it."   
  
Buffy smiled, and squeezed his hand. "I know I will."   
  
"You do?" Xander asked.   
  
"Yeah. Because I've been thinking about it, and I don't think any of   
the other Slayers had three of the most amazing people in the world   
as friends." Buffy looked up at the kitchen entrance as her mom   
emerged with the iced tea pitcher. "Although I'm pretty sure they all   
had hyperactive mothers," she muttered under her breath. Xander   
laughed in reply, but shut up when Joyce narrowed her eyes at   
him. "Um, good food," he offered to placate her, and she smiled.  
  
  
One hour later, they'd finished their dinner and wandered back into   
the den. Joyce made a disappearance, stating she had some work to do.   
Buffy was grateful for the privacy. "So what d'you wanna do now?" she   
asked, settling next to Xander on the couch, and curling up next to   
him.   
  
He put his arm around her shoulders, and said, "I don't know. We   
could just...hang out. Talk."   
  
"Okay," Buffy nodded. "Talk."   
  
Xander chuckled, "No pressure there. Okay...what do you want to   
know?"   
  
"Well...tell me something interesting about you that I don't know,"   
she said with a smile.   
  
"Something interesting about me?" Xander thought for a second, and   
shrugged. "I'm not interesting."   
  
Buffy smacked him in the arm, and looked up at him, saying, "I'm not   
letting you get out of it. I want to know everything about you, a   
little bit at a time."   
  
"Well....I took piano lessons for ten years," Xander offered.   
  
"Really," Buffy looked at him in surprise. "Do you still play?"   
  
"No, I stopped."   
  
"Why?" Buffy asked.   
  
*'No boy of mine is going to play a sissy instrument!!!'*   
  
"Xan?" Buffy waved her hand in front of Xander's face. "Come back to   
earth."   
  
Xander looked up at her, "Oh. Sorry. I was just thinking about   
something. What did you say?"   
  
"I was asking why you stopped," Buffy said.   
  
"I just... I lost interest," Xander shrugged. "So how about you?" he   
asked, hoping to change the subject. "Tell me about life before   
Sunnydale."   
  
"Hmmm..." Buffy thought for a minute, and said, "I don't think you   
would've been too impressed with me if you met me back then."   
  
"I seriously doubt that," Xander replied.   
  
"No, really," Buffy said. "Picture a blonde Cordelia."  
  
"Oh my god, stop. I like my vision of you as perfect better." Xander   
replied.   
  
"Perfect?" Buffy eyed him skeptically.   
  
"Perfect," Xander repeated, kissing her lightly. "What made you change   
your attitude?"   
  
"Killing demons, being charged with protecting your town... it kind   
of puts the serious in a girl," Buffy said. "Being with you though,"   
she looked up at him then. "I'm starting to remember that life   
doesn't always have to be serious."   
  
"Good," Xander said with a smile. "You can save the world, and still   
have fun occasionally."   
  
"I can do both, when we're slaying together," Buffy said. "But I   
think I'm beginning to prefer other means of having fun," she   
smiled. She framed his face in her hands, and then pulled his head   
down for a kiss.  
  
***********  



	50. Home

One week later  
Friday night  
10 pm  
  
"Well, either I've killed all the demons in Sunnydale, or they're   
just choosing to avoid me," Buffy said with a grin. She and Xander   
were walking in the cemetery, patrolling. She let go of his hand   
briefly to sit on a headstone to rest.   
  
"I doubt you've killed them all," Xander chuckled, moving to stand in   
front of her, putting his hands on her waist to steady her. "You are   
good, but nobody's that good."   
  
Buffy gave him a look. "Fine, just shatter my self-confidence why   
don't you."   
  
"I love you?" Xander offered with a grin.  
  
"And you think that makes it all okay," Buffy sighed   
melodramatically. "Oh don't look at me like that," she added frowning.  
  
"Like what?" Xander asked, feigning innocence.   
  
"That puppy-dog look, it's not fair," Buffy pouted. "You know I can't   
resist it."   
  
"Yeah?" Xander grinned, "That's why I use it," he added, leaning in   
to kiss her. The kiss was gentle at first, but Buffy threw her arms   
around his neck, and pulled his head closer. Xander smiled against   
her mouth, and she took advantage of the opportunity to slip her   
tongue inside his mouth, deepening the kiss. Xander groaned in   
pleasure, and it was Buffy's turn to smile. Xander responded by   
taking control, and slipping his tongue inside her mouth. They   
continued like this for what felt like forever, until Xander finally   
broke the kiss and they grinned at each other for a moment.   
  
Buffy finally spoke, "Now I know why Cordelia kept you around for so   
long. If I'd known you kissed that well I wouldn't have taken so much   
time making up my mind about us," she teased.  
  
"So the truth finally comes out," Xander faked a wounded   
sigh. "You're using me."   
  
Buffy giggled. "Yeah, that must be it," she said, rolling her   
eyes. "You know, this is definitely one of the perks of having you   
for a boyfriend." She smiled wider, "Hey I like the sound of that."   
  
"Me too," Xander replied. "Although I occasionally feel like I'm   
going to wake up from this dream."   
  
"It's not a dream," Buffy said, kissing him softly. "If it is, I'll   
stay in that dream. We're together, and there's no other place I want   
to be."  
  
Xander gave her a thrilled smile at that, and said, "I feel the same   
way, so I guess we're stuck with each other." He felt her tense up,   
and knew what that meant. "Trouble?"   
  
"Slay time," Buffy nodded. He helped her to her feet, and she looked   
around, quickly scanning the area. She pulled a stake out of her   
jeans pocket, and said, "Whatever it is, it wants to play. So let's   
humor it, but keep an eye out."   
  
"Okay," Xander nodded, and they walked down one of the paths, hand in   
hand. Buffy heard the growl first, and turned to face the demon. It   
was a slime demon, and it tackled her before she could react. "Hey!"   
both she and Xander yelled, and Xander staked it quickly. "GROSS!"   
Buffy yelled, still pinned under the now-dead demon.  
  
Xander pulled the body off her, and helped her to her feet. "Green   
looks good on you," he joked.   
  
Buffy merely raised an eyebrow at him, then tackled him.   
  
"Hey!" Xander yelled in protest, but her kiss silenced him. "Well, I   
hope green looks good on me, too," he said.   
  
"If I have to be slimed, you are going to share in the joy," Buffy   
told him. She rolled off him and said, "I guess we'll have to change   
before we can go to the Bronze."   
  
"Unless the slime-look is in, I'd have to agree with you on that   
one," Xander replied. He stood, and helped Buffy up, asking, "So are   
we done now? Have we paid our Slaying-dues for the evening?"   
  
"Yeah," Buffy agreed. "Let's go."   
  
*********  
  
Buffy had taken a quick shower, and changed into the black leather   
skirt she knew made Xander drool. She then slipped on the new blouse   
she'd bought the day before, it was red, low-cut, with a single strap   
holding it up around her neck. She giggled at the next thought, *I'll   
probably have to tell him to pick his jaw up off the ground.* She   
heard the doorbell, and the sounds of her mom and Xander talking   
happily. "Only the second boyfriend that she's ever liked, it's a   
nice change, though."   
  
She walked to the top of the stairway, and smiled at Xander's   
reaction. His eyes would have popped out of his face if possible. He   
recovered quickly, though, and gave her his patented Xander-  
grin. "You look incredible," he said.   
  
"You clean up pretty good yourself," she smiled. He was wearing black   
pants and a black silk long-sleeved button down shirt.. She walked   
downstairs, and wrapping her arms around him for a hug and a quick   
kiss. "I'll be home late mom, don't wait up," she said, turning to   
her mom.  
  
"You know I will anyway," Joyce replied. "But have fun, you two. I'll   
see you later, Xander."   
  
"Bye, Joyce," Xander said, as the two walked back outside. Xander   
took her hand as they walked to the Bronze.   
  
They managed to get there without incident, and walked inside. While   
they stopped to look for Oz and Willow, Xander wrapped his arms   
around her waist, and pulled her back against him. She leaned her   
head back, tilting her face up to see if he'd take the hint. Never   
being one to protest that activity, he obliged, kissing her softly.   
  
"Get a room," they heard the unmistakable voice of Cordelia Chase   
pass by them. They looked up to see her and her Cordettes breeze by,   
laughing.   
  
"What did I see in her?" Xander wondered.   
  
"She wasn't that bad, when she was with us," Buffy replied kindly. At   
Xander's shocked expression, she said, "Hey, I'm capable of finding   
something nice to say about almost anyone."   
  
"Anyone?" Xander asked skeptically.   
  
"I said _almost_ anyone," Buffy reminded him. "There are exceptions   
out there." She looked away to scan the room for Willow and Oz   
again. "There they are!" she pointed to the couple on the dance   
floor. "Which would be why we couldn't find their table."   
  
"I think they have the right idea," Xander suggested.   
  
"I agree," Buffy said. She pulled him out onto the dance floor, and   
put her arms around his neck, as he held her close, arms around her   
waist. She smiled as she realized what song was playing. It was so   
perfect for them.   
  
I had a good life   
Before you came   
I had my friends and my freedom   
I had my name   
Still there was sorrow and emptiness   
'Til you made me blessed   
Oh and this love   
I've found strength I never knew I had   
  
And this love   
Is like nothing I have ever known   
Take my hand, love   
I'm taking you home   
Taking you home   
  
She tugged on his head, and asked, "Now where were we when we were so   
rudely interrupted?"   
  
He smiled, and replied, "In the middle of what's quickly becoming my   
favorite past-time," as he leaned down to kiss her again.   
  
There were days, lonely days   
When the world wouldn't throw me a crumb   
But I kept on believin'   
That this day would come   
  
And this love   
Is like nothing I have ever known   
Take my hand, love   
I'm taking you home   
Taking you home  
  
She looked up into his eyes, and smiled. "What?" he asked.   
  
"Just thinking, that's how I feel about you," Buffy said.   
  
"How's that?"   
  
"You feel like home," she said with a smile.   
  
"I feel the same way about you," he replied, before leaning down to   
kiss her again.  
  
I'm taking you home   
Where we can be with the ones who really care   
Home, where we can grow together   
Keep you in my heart forever   
  
And this love   
Is like nothing I have ever known   
Take my hand, love   
I'm taking you home   
Taking you home  
  
***********  
THE END  
  
(Lyrics - Taking you Home - Don Henley)  



End file.
